1d ago

DOJ Designates Posting Photos Of Balding Elon Musk As Domestic Terrorism

theonion.com DOJ Designates Posting Photos Of Balding Elon Musk As Domestic Terrorism

WASHINGTON—Warning that the charge carried a five-year mandatory minimum sentence, the U.S. Department of Justice declared Friday that the distribution of images featuring a balding Elon Musk constituted an act of domestic terrorism. “For the benefit of all Americans, anyone who posts or reposts pho...

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1d ago

DOJ Designates Posting Photos Of Balding Elon Musk As Domestic Terrorism

theonion.com /doj-designates-posting-photos-of-balding-elon-musk-as-domestic-terrorism/

74 7

The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works

can @sh.itjust.works

1d ago

DOJ Designates Posting Photos Of Balding Elon Musk As Domestic Terrorism

theonion.com /doj-designates-posting-photos-of-balding-elon-musk-as-domestic-terrorism/

120 12

29 comments

Hair plugs are gender-affirming care.

almost ate the onion here

I swallowed that fucker whole, but I'm about 92% sure that within 4 years, this headline will have become reality.
- At this point is an oracle rather than a comical publication. I remember some years ago they said we gonna deplete our Miley Cyrus reserves.
- Damn. Just learned it was fake from you, my friend.
- I give it a year, but I'm usually wrong heh. Tiny snowflakes that are richer than anyone. You'd think being that rich you could learn to laugh it off, or at least afford therapy that teaches you that skill, even if it takes a billion dollars cause you're such a huge dick.

It's getting harder and harder to tell without looking at the comm which stories are Onions or not.

- "I liked it so much, I bought the company!"

I can’t tell anymore what’s true and what’s parody.
- Satire is meaningless when reality is far more absurd than anything a writer could ever come up with.
  
  We all said that eight years ago as well. Somehow it’s gotten even worse this time around.
- Actually genuinely surprised to see this was an Onion story.

- Nice to see he was able to rehire his hair back.
- Omg before his ass hair transplant

The fact that I had to double check and make sure that this is actually an Onion article and not something real bespeaks what a fucked up world we live in now.
- I thought it was real and it didnt surprise me. Guess my view of America has changed a lot lately.

Musk is eventually going under the bus. Has no one studied history?! This dumbass is being set up as a patsy. Hell, Trump's already backed up the truck, "Uh, he's not really in charge, uh, it's not his fault."
Tomorrow, it will be his fault. Musk is going down hard when shit truly gets wild. Wait and see.

Just eating onions this week..
- So crunchy and juicy.
  But I've gotten suspicious as well. I check every community before I trust the headline.

I just about got Onioned there.

I can already see her standing behind the podium with a grey uniform on.

It’s like getting fined by the court for calling Meloni short.

Apparently Trump has merged the standards for spokesmodel and Attorney General now. Was there a swimsuit competition?

"Yes, Mr. President, we can designate putting too much vermouth in a martini as Domestic Terrorism, and this will give us an excuse to arrest people without a warrant and send them to Gitmo indefinitely without a court order."
"Do it."

29 comments