"And my dick fucks your wife more than you do. What's your point?"
"And my dick fucks your wife more than you do. What's your point?"
287 comments
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I mean it's one car, Alec. What could it cost? Ten dollars?
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Holds up wrist sporting a Casio F-91W "Al-Qaida"
Big deal... This watch also costs more than my car.
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A new London bus costs around £300k, so whilst is plausible that the watch cost more than my 'car', it's a pretty stupid way of spending that amount of money...
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Do have some other investmentadvice I shouldn’t heed?
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So being rich is a fairly new thing to you? What are you gonna do when you get used to it?
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My car was a present, any watch costs more than my car
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Do you say shit like that because nobody can tell the difference between your watch and a cheap one?
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"Does it keep better time than my 15 dollar digital Casio? Is it sturdier? Will it last longer? Is it more comfortable? No? So you spent a ridiculous amount of money to buy a less functional watch made out of precious essential materials just to try to impress people like me?"
Honestly though, if you want to piss watch people off, just say "Oh, it looks just like a regular watch, thanks for pointing it out".
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"Oh, I thought you bought a cheap knockoff like anyone who can handle money. Looks just like one."
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Does your watch get good milage?
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"Okay?"
I am not a friend of clever comebacks. People who point these things out are pathetic and people who get triggered by that only slightly less so.
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Great! Does it help you with not shooting people as well?
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hes just have a itchy trigger finger.
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-"What time is it?"
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"Oh, you could only afford one watch?"
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"Good for you. Have a cookie. My $20 Casio tells the time just as well."
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Probably more accurate. It wasn’t called the Quartz Apocalypse for nothing.
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You spend this much money for a watch that can't even turn a deer into roadkill? Your loss.
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Damn thats a cheap watch, is it Chinese too?
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"Hey what time is it? Im suppose to meet up with some friends later."
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You gotta understand this proving your worth by buying ridiculously expensive shit and then bringing attention to it is an attitude of "new money"
Rich people who have been rich for generations will have the same time piece but they will not even think about it. It's granted to them, part of their life that they would never question. Like you putting on socks.
And that is the attitude that new money cannot understand. Hell that's kind of what the great gatsby is about, new money just not getting that the expensive shit is just more furniture.
So the most frustrating thing to this mindset is to treat it as no big deal, or even weird that they would bring it up which really it is
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All these comments are trying too hard. The only two options are "OK?" and "that watch?"
Verbose disses only work in rap
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Aahhhh winner:
"that watch?"
You are awesome. Now the ball is on their side and covered in two layers of diarrhea
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Alternatively, "And it's a very nice watch." Bonus points for riding the line between nonchalance and condescension while still being a compliment.
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Or a Guy Richie film.
"Bleedin 'ell. You've bin 'ad mate. Blonde Tony was selling those daan the Nags 'ed last week for a pony. 5 for a ton."
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scratches head with gun
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Ho I have the same one. That the only one you have?
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I guess it's true, money can't buy taste.
Fun fact: Alec Baldwin's character was invented for the movie to provide exposition. The filmmakers didn't trust movie-going audiences to pick up the information from the three conversations that occur at the beginning of the play.
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Why the fuck would I drive a watch ?
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"You should have saved up a bit more and bought something less gaudy"
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A shame, such a tasteless choice. If you had as much class as money, you'd have chosen something like a vintage 1960s submariner rather than a frivolous toy available on every high street in the world.
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What's my motivation? Is there a reason why I'm listening to Alec Baldwin brag about his watch? What's stopping me from simply walking away?
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You need to listen to him because it's a meeting at work, he's higher up than you are, and your job is at risk.
https://youtu.be/bkjfZctGMq8?t=241
The link skips half of the speech, if you have 8 minutes, watch the whole thing.
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If only you had learned to tell time.
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Can your watch play Bad Apple?
Can your watch run Doom?
Can you install Arch on that watch?
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... didn't think so 😛
You paid all that money for a watch that can't do ANY cool stuff? You utter loser 🤣 🤣 🤣
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I don't have a car
I don't care to respond
I don't mind sounding poor.
Wealth beyond what is good for you is no better than theft I'd say. Buying expensive watches while little children grow up in poverty is nothing to be proud of. If anyone should feel shame it should be that guy. Don't be humiliated by such shameless assholes. And don't try to counter attack, It won't work, they don't share your values, they feel no shame for the things that they do. Instead let's organize and fight them where it hurts. Taxes, taxes, taxes.
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"that's cute!"
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The classic "OK boomer" still gets them angry, if that's what you're after
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This is right, where every other comment in this thread is wrong.
Don't take the bait.
Even just a flat OK is better than taking the bait. Honestly, silence is better.
Do you care? Then you are poor and mad.
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This would be my response: "Oh wow! That's so cool, I didn't know Casio made watches that expensive!"
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Idk man the Godzilla watch in the other comment got hands.
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Ah unimpressed ok is probably the best response.
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Well "ok boomer" is just replying with another rage bait
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Pretty sure no one is replying seriously.
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LMFAO
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"So?"
That's the response you want. Complete andutter boredom. You don't care. Their entire personality is built around a weird little status structure and if you don't buy into their hallucination they lose their everloving minds
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"Ok" is my go-to. It feels dismissive because it is.
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Woow, what does it do?
- It tells time.
Nothing else? So does my car.
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And once daylight savings time is done it'll be accurate down to the hour!
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What kind of dumbass would spend that much on a watch?
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What kind of dumbass would spend so little on a watch?
(Because my car is worthless for those that didn‘t understand…)
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Heh, amateur hour. Let me show you my watch.
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Godzila is more likely to keep accurate time.
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The 3rd feature really convinced me
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"You got ripped off"
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Sounds like you got ripped off
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Nooo bro it increases in value bro I'm investing in watches bro
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But it's gone up $200 since I bought it in 2014!
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“Your watch cost more than £100?”
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Serious answer:
That's cool. What makes it special?
Sometimes people talk about how expensive something they own is simply because they're proud that they could afford it and even when they're being tone-deaf, there's no benefit to getting offended when you could just move the conversation along instead. (Although you might have to listen to them talk about watches.) If they were trying to brag, now they're stuck trying to explain why the watch is actually worth what they paid and you're the one judging them.
Cars (and watches) aren't so expensive that a middle-class person can't plausibly already own the one he would buy even if money was unlimited. You can act like that's true about you. My status-conscious former mother in law was bothered by the fact that I owned an old car, but when she would bring it up I would just say "I really like the 2008 model." She couldn't argue with that.
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That’s cool. What makes it special?
Nice one. If it's only a status thing he'll scrabble to find something to say about it other than it's price. And on the very very low chance that it's not, he'll have an excuse to explain. Who knows, he might be a watch nerd who's really proud that he could afford that watch because it's a special watch to watch nerds for watch related reasons and he'll tell you all about it.
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"and i have a piece of cardboard thats worth more than your watch" whips out a charizard
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"I don't have a car"
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A power move when you know they know you have a car and it's literally parked right outside
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Or maybe double down: "I live in my car."
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"that's a lot of money for such an ugly watch."
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- Your clock stopped. (Looks at the clock)
- No it's still working.
- You are bald on tip of your head I saw it when you were looking at the clock.
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"Ok?"
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Ok; good for you?
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A classic that always makes people like this angry is the good ole, "Anyways, [Something you are casually going to do today or did yesterday]- " and a hand wave to dismiss the statement.
It infuriates them lol
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Ghosting, I like it!
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I have people who love me.
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'nice watch!' then move in and quietly say "oh, hey, it looks like your barber missed a spot back there"
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You still use a watch?
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Barf in his face.
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Look of confusion "Does...does that make you happy?"
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"Was it worth it?"
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Grabs machete
Thanks for showing me where to find it. /j -
I feel like owning expensive stuff like that is non optional for the very rich. Those who answer things like "my phone already does that" do sound poor. They don't buy it because they need the time. They buy it because it looks nice and is expensive.
I think I would make a disgusted face and say something like "really? It doesn't look like it. What brand is it?"
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"How fast does it do 0-60?"
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About a minute
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So it’s not even accurate? I’m not sure you got a quality timekeeping device for the cost.
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It never gets to 60. For some odd reason it only gets to 59 and then drops back to zero.
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And then throw it.
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If you need to point out the watch and explain its value, you've already lost.
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"good for you, little guy"
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Just smile non-genuinely and say "Sure."
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K
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You see this? This is called a "smart phone." Not only will this tell me the time like your watch, but it can also do a bunch of other things. I can look at pictures of raccoons wearing silly hats or I can use it to insult someone on the other side of the planet. It also cost a fraction of what your watch cost. I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think it should go and get your money back. It sounds like you've been scammed. As a matter of fact, let me give you my friend's phone number. He's an accountant, and I think he'll be able to help stop you from making stupid purchases in the future.
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Not only will this tell me the time like your watch
No. A cheap $100 phone is way more reliable than the most expensive Rolex thanks to NTP.
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If you're an astute collector, fine watches are (like art) a solid form of investment.
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Prove me wrong: Fine art is a money laundering scheme.
You get some guy who went to art school to slosh some house paint on a sheet. You then hire a white woman who dresses like Malian royalty to come describe it in contradictory adjectives "It's subtle, yet bold" while her gay sidekick in a turtleneck flamboyantly slaps his face and gasps. Sell $20 worth of cotton and $30 worth of Valspar for $3.247 million, and you've just successfully covered up the sale of 94 more brown women.
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"I don't get my happiness from material worth."
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Fool and his money.
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Does 0 to 60 in ONE minute! It's garbage.
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It time travels at one second per second and only forwards.
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You. You’re funny!
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“Ok”
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This.
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When I was at school, the kids would say, "my dad's shed is bigger than your dad's shed". But that was a long time ago, and we each had a child's view of the world. Most of us grew up.
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“What kinda mileage does it get?”
“Cool, I went to the bar with my friends last night. What did you do?”
“Can you get me some more water?”
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You just completely nerd sniped me, Ive speent the last 10 minutes trying to estimate the mpg of the tip of a minute hand on a wrist watch
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"what?"
"I'm sorry I didn't catch that"
"one more time?"
"ok. thanks for letting me know."
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"People with true value don’t need trinkets to convince others of their worth."
"Not everybody knows how to make the best use of their resources."
"Unless it has a button that stops time, you paid too much."
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All of those likely would make you sound poor and mad to that kinda person. Not sure what you could actually say as a comeback that would work
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See this casio watch? Still more accurate than whatever the fuck watch you have
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It even comes with the bonus of extra TSA screening!
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Either dishonest affirmation or "That's nice, buddy" and touch his shoulder.
With people you might need later it's the first option, the second if you want to piss off narcissists.
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My car has an analog clock face too.
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That's cool, but MY watch has a Tomagachi living in it.
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That's actually way cooler 😂
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"It's certainly a nice looking piece of jewelry"
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"I don't have the habit of looking at other people's watches. Thanks for pointing it out, I guess, I might have otherwise missed that detail entirely."
(Biz-bro mind cannot comprehend this)
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The statement is to set them apart from from you and to display power. So you could go with something like,
"Shit, they still make you buy your uniform when you rich eh. Some things never change."
But more elegantly. Reassert that they are subject to others' power/approval and relate to them to assert that they're no different from you.
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And it tells the same time as a $5 Casio, but it's heavy and gaudy. I guess money can't buy taste.
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And it tells the same time as a $5 Casio
Assuming the fancy watch is mechanical, your $5 Casio keeps better time with a quartz chip.
If it's not mechanical then it's basically the same device with an expensive shell.
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Hey! My Casio was $21 with free shipping
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I think mine was a couple hundred bucks. People mistake it for something fancy, but it's still cheap enough that I don't have to worry about damaging it. Also you can get spare parts for Casios!
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Some Casio watches from the 1980's are reselling for a massive premium. In fact, the red led ones are making a comeback.
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The $5 Casio is more accurate.
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Good for you, why should I care?
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Sorry I'm not into bracelets
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"So, you're both rich and stupid"
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I think the really wealthy old-money people would never say such a thing. Because such a thing just wouldn't occur to them. And if someone said that to them, they'd just kind of smile and nod the same way they would to a toddler. Maybe say "Ah, yes, very good." So that's probably the best response.
But if I were writing a screenplay and had to come up with a one-liner I'd probably go with, "Just goes to show you can't buy class."
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Such frivolous spenditure will rot your money. Decay of your father's fortune and your child's kingdom. Begotten by weak flesh and temptation, coward from strength.
Even the homeless know to not show your power before you speak, or your trades will be levied against you.
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"that's so sad"
But realistically probably nothing, someone like that isn't going to care enough about what you think to be affected by what you say.
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If they've gone out of their way to draw attention to it, they clearly do care to some degree, whether they directly express it or not.
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There are more reasons to brag and show off than just to seek validation. Their vanity may not be dependent on you.
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"Nice, but I kinda prefer the newer model from the spring catalogue. The subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark."
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"Wow, you're really shit at bargaining. They really took you for a ride!"
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Yeah, but can your watch drive you to the store ?
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“Common sense is a flower that does not grow in everyone’s garden”
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So you could have donated that money to a food bank or homeless shelter and gotten a tax break. Or you could have just kept it and invested in dividend paying stock, but instead you spent it on a watch that tells you the same time as my $20 watch?
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Imagine not being able to tell the time by just looking up
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Misses train. Yells at clouds.
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Nice double entendre
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Sad as fuck that you need expensive set pieces to maintain the facade of your self worth. If I were over here wearing a Timex I'd still be fine with who I was. Would you?
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I have friends.
And I have the same watch, but paid $25 for it on a market in Cambodia.
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You paid that much for a watch that looks like you steal from your grandad?
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"Timex?"
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seems like a giant waste of money when you have phone that has the time on it.
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Not gonna argue that it's not a waste of money to get a watch that expensive, but just having a watch is quite nice. Not having to fish my phone out of my pocket and click the power button every time i want to check the time is something i appreciate.
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That's why you have a personal assistant follow you around!
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"Was it meant to make you happier? I'm not sure it worked."
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"I wouldn't want to paint a target on my back like that. Did you hear about Chesterwick's son getting kidnapped while backpacking in Burma?"
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"What's your point?"
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"You got it wrong, expensive watches dont go faster"
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"It's not my fault you're stupid"
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laughs gently and sighs
"This is a six ounce cup of bath water from a YouTube influencer..."
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"Cool story bro. Needs more dragons."
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Nice.
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Has this one done it? or how many such watches in do you get to be happy?
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"Didn't ask"
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"Not sure what a watch is"
Or
"What's Rolex?
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get really really enthusiastically interested in the watch. ask for details seem super impressed. massage that wealthy ego to the point of basically a blow job. but then just like keep going. see how long you can keep the topic on that one specific watch. don't ever let him talk about anything that the watch means or about the dynamic he tried to establish.
optionally, loose interest and leave without ever having let anything be said that wasn't about the watch. this is how you weaponize autism against egotists.
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And keep it going whenever you see that person again. "Hey, aren't you that watch guy? Are you wearing the watch today? Where's the watch? Show us your watch!"
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perfect, yes 😆
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This is a method that my non-confrontational midwestern mind can work with! Being exceptionally interested and kind to the point that they might realize you’re f-ing with them and don’t actually care at all. Whether or not they realize doesn’t matter because you know.
Similar to when we say “oh that’s interesting,” but actually mean that we don’t give a crap about what you’re saying but don’t want to be rude to your face.
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I can attest it's really funny. I get a sick kind of pleasure from evoking discomfort in people who don't want me to like them. I'm not really good at being nasty to people so it's something I started doing when I learned nasty people don't like it when you're nice to them or unfazed by their vampire antics.
If you've heard of "mirroring" before, that's my favorite. Mirroring people who don't like you fucks them up in ways I don't think I could with words
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"and yet your dad still don't love you."
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neat
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I can read digital clocks faster.
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"Oh, well this gun costs less than your watch, and yet: hand it over."
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That's quiet an expensive way to look cheap
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Man, it is a shame you can't buy class because you could use some.
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They have car money to spend on trinkets, this guy has enough class that it's time to send him against the wall.
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"My wealth is in stocks"
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My wealth is in socks
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"mine was 5 bucks at goodwill, sounds like you got scammed, sorry"
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Tell him I still banged your mom tho
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I'd just start laughing and point at them.
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good, maybe you can sell it to buy some human decency then
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Can you go careening around twisty mountain roads with the top down with a 6 speed manual stick with that watch? No? I'll take my Miata any day. Good luck with your time keeping.
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Jokes on you, with the deferred maintenance, my car has negative worth.
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steals his watch
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"Oh, am I supposed to kiss it?"
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I can afford not to have a watch.
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What is it for?
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'I can think of many better uses for the metals in that watch.'
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“I don’t mean to victim blame, but I try not to look like I’m worth mugging.”
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"Okay and does it tell the time?"
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don't. make a "oh poor guy" face and move on. he wants you to engage, to be angry, if you don't he will be mad
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😬
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I wouldn't even hide that watch up my ass.
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A lot of replies here still wander into sounding mad imo Instead, I would fake not getting the insult and just make them uncomfortable by saying something like "Wow that's cool :D" and then just move on. Sort of like when you acknowledge a child doing something dumb but they're so proud of it you don't want to ruin it for them.
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So you are fiscally irresponsible and you are proud of it? Good to know…
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this movie, glengarry glen ross, was so fucking good. definitely worth a watch if you enjoy watching masterpiece acting. kevin spacey is in it though (his acting is great he just sucks as a person)
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Never has a movie made me feel so uncomfortable for the characters sacrificing themselves for the grind. It’s good, but I don’t have much desire to see it again. A testament to the writing/acting/directing to keep the tension real.
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"Yes, your fancy jewelry is very pretty. Good job."
Edit: after I stopped laughing, of course.
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That's not a very high bar, boomer.
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Shoot the man.
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Compliment it and remember that the guy is an asshole lmao
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Your pathetic status symbols only show how anxious and insecure you are.
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Will your regular charge you half price when she doesn't see you wearing it?
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Quite a low bar considering that I don't need a car of my own.
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Cool story bro
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Smile and say "it's very pretty".
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Bragging is lower-class behavior
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neet
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"What a horrible financial decision"
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That watch salesman really ripped you off then.
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Ok, and what's your question?
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I couldn't care less.
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The doom-slab in my contains rocks forced to think with lasers and it's cheap enough that I can lose or drop without shedding a tear. And you know the best part ? It tells time 3 orders of magnitude more accurately than you watch.
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That sounds mad, you have to not care
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Why not care about such a rude put down?
I don't see why that should be taken in a cool and submissive way? Surely that's what he wants, to establish dominance.
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That's how they'll know whose assets to liquidate when the world wakes up.
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"your wife is still sleeping with the pool boy"
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Good for you man, that's a really great watch 😊
Sad little men like that are most hurt by you not being offended by them. It's like with internet trolls; non-engagement is the best weapon. It also happens to require the least amount of energy or time. So easy, but so devastating to their ego.
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What time is it?
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"Big deal- I also have a small cock."
No wait I wanna change it to "I have a small cock too, but nobody can tell just by looking at me"
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This isn't a car
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Yao_Ming.gif
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"Fuck outta here with your garbage little trinket. Rolex as a whole, doesn't come anywhere NEAR the big three in any capacity, so go get yourself a real watch and I might be impressed, because all you've shown me so far is your have more money than taste...*
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I don't have a car
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That's when you pull Nick Swarsdson's wrist watch bit. "Hey man I can't read my watch, can you read my watch?"
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"Wow, I guess you really CAN'T buy taste then"
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Realize you mistakenly spoke to a Baldwin and walk away
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Cool. Anyway...
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Smile really big and start laughing. Maintain the smile, maintain eye contact.
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Yes, but do you have brass balls?
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"It must be so tedious being bound in the literal shackles of time. Worse yet to attach ones sense of manhood to their own enslavement. Even moreso to celebrate it with an even fancier manacle... I'm going to go enjoy a coffee. I'll be back whenever I'm done."
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I think I made the better choice.
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“Why would I own a car? Our public transportation works fine. Or a watch, since I can already see the time from my mobile phone.”
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I eat them.
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"Sweet that means someone in need could get a car!"
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"Sweet that means someone in need could get a car!"
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interesting, i also used to enjoy making poor people feel 'less than,' but then i graduated high school
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"Cool; I'll just take it right over to the pawn shop then"
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"Oh that's cute, does it have a Spring Drive tho?"
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Oh cool. Mine is made out of wood and leather and cost ten bucks. I've had it for two decades and my dad had it for four. It's really comfortable and loses a second a decade. How's yours do?
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But can it djent?
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Why would I spend money on a depreciating asset? My money works for me.
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So you like to waste money?
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Calling someone a fairy is a quick way to win an argument
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Why would you own a depreciating asset that is that expensive?
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Actually Rolex are an investment. I've been told by a friend who has some Rolex that:
- You can't buy a Rolex, you must go in a waiting list
- Buy the Rolex once it's your turn
- Use it for a few months
- Sell the Rolex for $10k higher than the brand new price to someone who can't wait
It seems to work somehow. People are morons.
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“Does it cost more than the lawyers trying to save your ass after your negligence led to you shooting and killing someone whose only crime was showing up to work?”
287 comments