Are mood problems a “turn off” for people even when they’re hard to manage?

Yes, if you are unkind to people many will not wish to be around you regardless of your reasons for it.

You’ll need to work to change your behavior if you want to avoid this. Many people have anger issues. It’s hard to control how you feel but you may have success in changing how you act when you feel this way.

My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.

Gonna be real here this is straight up abuser language.

Yes. Especially if you are not even working on it and just say "that's how I am", because it implies a complete disregard for how your actions (actions, not feelings) affect other people.

It's exhausting to be around someone who is always angry. That doesn't mean there is nobody who would "like you for you" but it will limit your potential pool of friends a lot, yes.

Yeah. I'm sorry, but I don't even know you, and I already don't want to be around you.

You're right that people should accept you for being you, but they aren't obligated to put themselves in unpleasant situations.

Finding a way to control your emotions will help ALL of your relationships.

Yes. If you can't control it then you need to work on the first before hurting others.

Anger is absolutely a huge turn-off for me. As is all that 'tough-love' talk. If it’s not very explicitly explained to me, it comes across as just being an asshole. Even if it is explained, there's a good chance I'll be annoyed someone else decides they can 'teach me a lesson'if I'm not already intimately familisr with them. People assuming they know you well enough to redefine you is... Pretty rude, generally.

Nobody's going to want to be around you if you're volatile and hurtful. And "I can't help it" is a thin excuse. These are things you absolutely could control, you just have to try.

You sound young. Get control of yourself and develop some empathy. And while you're at it, do something about your internalized misogyny. These two passages ought to create some cognitive dissonance for you:

Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy.

I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]

Yeah, it's a turn off. Doesn't matter if it's friends, partners, work, whatever, if you're unstable, you aren't going to be welcome company.

It doesn't matter why, it doesn't even matter if you're justified. Nobody likes am asshole for long.

See, love is not magic. It isn't something that gives a person blanket immunity to assholery. To the contrary, if someone loves you, and you claim to love them, you should be giving them your best self, not relying on their love to just gloss over you being an asshole

It's like the whole concept of family being where you can just be yourself. Yeah, you can. Family is going to forgive a lot because you're family. But that doesn't mean you get to be an asshole and they're obligated to forgive you. It means that you give them the best of yourself, and they forgive your and love you when you fall.

If you're working on your anger issues, that's great. Good friends will stick by you. But that doesn't mean they have to put up with your shit. A good friend won't put up with your shit, they'll tell you you're being an asshole, to stop it, refuse to let you continue, and offer you help to get better. That's love, not pretending there isn't a problem.

You absolutely can gain some degree of control over your anger. Even obstacles like severe neurological issues don't prevent some control being gained.

But nobody, and I mean nobody, not your parents or anyone is obligated to put up with your shit and let you stay in their lives when you won't put in the minimum effort into improving.

its wierd you say you praise men but ignore women because they should be the best version of themselves. men shouldn't be the best version of themselves? I mean constantly angry is someone I would avoid and im a man. I can get quite angry but its more like the pearl jam jeremy song and likely at that point the person is way beyond the social contract.

I would highly reccomend talking to a therapist. It can be hard to find one that works for you, but give it a shot and try a few if one doesn't work. Therapy can be incredibly helpful and this is something that sounds like it's having a negative impact on your life.

Seeking help is definitely the way to go as others have pointed out.

If you don't care about others feeling hurt, well then just think about it rationally: you probably don't like getting hurt, so you can understand that they don't either and trying not to hurt others generally makes the world easier for everyone.

Now I would also say that aside of that, you should apologize to people you hurt. Not specifically expecting them to forgive you, but because it also logically makes more sense as it might make them feel less bad about your behaviour.

I would overall try to think about things more rationally than emotionally because it does look like your emotions are your main source of problem right now, and for example thinking that hurting people is going to make them improve is absurd.

And thinking rationally would let you realize what behaviors are not okay, and let you apologize/warn people about it even if you fail to control yourself. While people would still completely be entitled to distancing themselves from you if your behaviour hurts them, it might at least give them some insight that allows them to get less hurt. And once again, less hurt is generally positive.

Handling a human powder keg all the time is exhausting and extremely anxiety inducing. Your ex's and friends might love you just as much as you love them, but a relationship built on eggshells and arguments will never be healthy for either of you or last long term.

Yes. 110% a turn off. It sounds like you have a lot of issues and baggage you need to sort out and that is a massive red flag to me and I'd imagine it is for most people.

Making others unwilling participants in your personal issues is a sure-fire way to ensure none of your relationships last.

"...when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that)."

You should note that you are talking about your anger which you recognize is a problem for you and others. Yes it is a turn off.

You might currently lack the awareness and skill set to control your mood but this is something you can develop through therapy. It is literally what therapy is for. I hope you find what you need to resolve your anger.

Edit: You might find after having a discussion with a therapist that "your reasons" for being angry may not be justified or might be inappropriate responses due to things entirely unrelated to the matter at hand.

So I'm in a similar-ish situation to you in that I process emotions differently to other people and think a lot of what characterizes normal communication is burdensome, though in my case I appear more as cold or insensitive than angry. With that in mind, I'll say this:

My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.

You're correct. If someone was being an ass to me all the time I wouldn't want to be around them either. You have to understand the differences between your thinking and that of people around you (which is easier said than done; I've been and still am there), and with that understanding decide how much you intend to adjust your behavior to account for those differences. The spectrum here has two extremes; one is changing nothing about your behavior and the other is to completely go against your instincts and do everything you can to appear as a normal person to the other side. Where you land on this spectrum is ultimately up to you, but it's up to other people whether they'll stick around or leave you, so it's a trade-off and you'll have to decide how much you're willing to make it. Of course, remember the golden rule and don't do things you know will hurt the other person. Also:

While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]

This is an exception to everything I've said above. It's just misogyny, no two ways about it. It's not up to you what "the best version" of a woman (or anyone else) is, or whether or not they should be that.

At some point if you are making people uncomfortable, they won't be around you... no matter how "right" you are.

and that's why I am here 🤡

Have you explored your anger issues and addressed root causes? If not, anything will continue to trigger you and yes, that's an issue.

For the most part, yes. For the parts that are a no, they are going to be really unhealthy and chaotic relationships. It definitely depends on the person, but this can be a very challenging social dynamic. It sounds pretty chaotic and I am not sure how many people would be able to deal with that day by day.

To your last point, emotional communication is always tough and it's really hard to piece things together to get your thoughts across when tensions are high. I think that coming from a mindset of refining and explaining, to yourself first and then to others, why you feel a certain way or did a certain action could be a good start.

Additionally, a lot of people do not respond well to "tough love". I would argue that for the majority of scenarios, it's one of the least successful ways to go about showing support and care for someone else. Setting clear and respectful boundaries is one thing, but providing only conditional support is a great way to tank a relationship and have someone distrust you. I think it's also helpful to unpack why you feel you need to act that way with people you care about. For me, that took a lot of work (still does) and goes back to my relationship with my dad (which has its positives and negatives, a lot of which we've worked through over the years).

One of the most important ideas I've come across with communication is that you should ask yourself if your actions are helping you meet your goals in the conversation. If you really want to build a strong, trusting, relationship with someone, that's going to look wildly different to the actions you would take if you really want to distance yourself from someone. And if you mess up with how you presented yourself or how you meant to come across, address it as soon as you possibly can. Clear communication is key and being clear with yourself and your goals/wants/needs/preferences is the start of that.

Hope that helps lol good luck out there. There's a lot of happiness to bring to the world if you work toward it.

Edit:

For the most part, yes. For the parts that are a no, they are going to be really unhealthy and chaotic relationships.

Have you looked into Stocism?

as someone who’s not psychotic but experienced symptoms similar to a psychotic break from ages 16-17 (idk what it was but it involved around 2-week severe periods of mood swings [mainly anxiety, anger, or euphoria] and depression, people suspected bpd or bipolar but neither was confirmed), i can say that i would also constantly post stuff repeatedly, look for advice, and also felt unfixable (“this is the way i am”).

i have no clue if you’re experiencing what i did or anything similar to psychosis, i’m just sharing that i’m quite concerned for you.

(i also must note that I didn’t find other people useless during this period)

Absolutely. After living 10 years with a person like you, leaving her was the best of my life and I should have done that sooner.

I have to add more, to be honest with you.

The reasons why she was bad for me where deeper than just the rage issue alone. That was probably the lesser issue, so don't be afraid.

But I strongly suggest that you start a serious and sincere path with a good phycologist as that has the potential to help you control and understand the issue.

Yourself, and the people who care about you, will thank you for that.

Don't over think and go for it.