It's like a more challenging version of the trolley problem

Depends on if you're a tits or an ass guy, I guess?

Pack it in guys this is the comment.

I don't remember this scene in Shrek

That's because it was part of a scrapped movie in the franchise. It wad going to be called Shrek's choice with Shrek being played by Meryl Streep
It was the rule 34 version.

A donkey is ill-equipped to give even a passable blowjob.

It's a speaking donkey so don't assume standard donkey laryngeal and//or oral anatomy
- Hehe you said "oral".
I, too, initially did not read the meme carefully enough.
- Hey now, I made no comment on the offer to suck the girl's dick. It's girl dick, there isn't much interesting to say about it.
Yeah but a talking donkey in the hand is worth at least two birds in the bush ...
- Yeah but a woman with a dick has three in the bush.
Don't knock it until you've tried it
How much teeth do you like?
- Yes.
Maybe it's a real Donkey Chotte
But in the morning? He's making waffles.

That's more like a gamified Rorschach test. If you need sexual rewards to decide whether you should save a human life instead of the life of unprocessed salami, you are a psychopath.

But this "unprocessed salami" can speak. Kinda puts them on level playing field.
Unless, of course, salami is voiced by Eddie Murphy, in which case it's an easy pick.
But the unprocessed Salami will suck my dick. So
- But the human will let you suck her dick. So
Unprocessed salami?
- sometimes meat companies do a pro gamer move and turn dead donkeys into extra profit
  rascals
You might be taking the internet too seriously
- You might take me too seriously
I have yet to meet the random animal that I dislike more than the average human.
Looks like an elf to me!
Rarified salami, hahaha, that got a good chuckle out of me

Saving the woman sounds like a huge W. This is the easiest choice of my life, what are you on about?

The Internet would like you to verify that you read the whole meme carefully before posting.
- Dude didn't stutter. Saving the woman.
- Yes, the whole meme is read in full, what is the problem?

Can I save both but reject both offers? Because I can see value in them as very unique individuals but I'm not really into mules or women with bigger dicks than me.

Who says their dick is bigger? Maybe they have a smaller dick... would you be into it then?
- You can just tell, trust me. Professional dick predictor and gait reader, worked in physical rehabilitation for years. I can also smell thyroid disease.
- No‽

Help them save each other, watch the donkey suck her off.

This is the only acceptable answer

The Shrek paradox

Let me see the human from the back

That's the thing. They're all the same from there side...

What if I save her and we go for a coffee or something?

Donkeys don't drink coffee.

Ace people: Guess you'll die then...

I mean I'm sure some ace people like to engage in sexual activity. Sexual attraction and libido are different.
- I've talked to an ace guy abt this and he tried to masturbate as a teen and literally couldn't get hard. He's into romantic stuff tho. Everybody's different I'm sure tho
I like to think saving them but rejecting the offer might be an option.
- No. That would be rude. A DICK GETS SUCKED!

I mean it's not every day I meet a talking donkey. So

I'll never understand why low res images like this always have half the text cropped off. I get why it's done when they're conveniently censoring something, but...ugh. :(

Making bad crops is part of the post-ironic meme meta
- it's the visual equivalent of comedically cut videos
They're cropping out watermarks. Better to just leave it in but oh well
I think it is to avoid image searches from easily finding the original image. You'll also find pictures flipped, tilted slightly, or have their colors changed just a little bit.

Making a link between zoophilia and sexual relationships with a queer person, how original!

Lemmy keeps pushing transphobic jokes to the top. It's slithly concerning.
- Slithly
  I think this typo has potential.

I'm a degenerate, I WANT BOTH

You can only pick one.
- Bullshit. After one dies I'm fucking it
- Can I see how big they/thems cock is first?

Drink more, then wake up with a nasty hangover, and think about how you should’ve hydrated while drinking.

Water is the universal solvent.

\3. Ride the Shai-Hulud to destiny.

is this the spiritual successor to the bear man thing?

Ehhhh I'll save the donkey, use it to pull out the woman, and then no sexual favors will happen. They're both gonna be carrying some shit though, free labor.

Choose the first one, a talking donkey

Go back to guarding Princess Fiona.

Have you learned nothing from James T. Kirk? Let them both die, and suck your own dick.

How would it be transphobic? It's a girl.
- Well for one, I immediately deleted my comment because I think I misread the post title, so didn't want to accuse OP. How can everyone see it still to vote and reply?
  Two: it's talking about the trolley problem and letting one die. Seems transphobic to let the girl die because she revealed she had a dick (if that is indeed the reason). That implication is kind of there. At the same time it could simply be that both would be great options, which I think is what OP intended and is why I deleted my comment.
  Three: it's a shitpost and it probably doesn't need such analysis.

Fuck it, i'll save her...might clear some things up lol

I'm curious

Everybody likes a little ass

Where's the third option where I decapitate both?