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Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world

Mickey7 @lemmy.world

1mo ago

I tried THIS and it actually works all the time

62 comments

- Die Welt braucht mehr von dir 🤩
- I love this 👌
- Shitty water colors younger cousin

- That's a kingly gift right there, gotta be expensive af
- I hope they ended up getting married.
  
  I heard they had a cheesy wedding

thank god you circled it, I wasn’t sure what was being pointed at

You may fascinate online audiences by showing them the same pic of cheese quote 9 billion times per week.

What kind of cheese? That changes the outcome for me significantly.
- A piece of brie get you a one night stand, a slice of gouda gets you a date. Grated parmesan gets you a hand job. A steady supply of varied cheeses spread out over multiple months will get you a wife.
  Of course every woman is different, but in general the age and quality of the cheese determines what you'll receive in exchange.
  And in case you're wondering, a kraft single gets you a slap in the face.
  
  Source: experimental investigation.
  
  Let’s talk about some aged goat cheese directly from Tuscany.

Are these in order? So stealing her shoe and a hairpin with hair in it, and then when she confronts you offer the cheese as a diversion?
- You have found the new movie plot that Hallmark has been looking for.
  
  I was thinking it would be one of those mangas with really really long names:
  “I Cast 99 Spells to Make Her Love Me, But the Only Thing That Worked Was Cheese!”

Duley noted. This may work better than my method of crying and begging for affection. So far, zero percent success rate
- Maybe you need to cry even harder?

So you're saying there's a chance anyone fascinated with a piece of cheese might be a woman?
- Lets test that: 🧀
  Are you a woman now?
  
  Who needs estrogen when you have c h e e s e
  
  ... Maybe.
- You've got it all wrong. Any woman with fascination might be a cheese.
  
  And here i was hoping any fascination is a woman cheesing it.

You may fascinate just about anyone by giving them a piece of cheese.

White people love cheese
- Do non-white people not love it?
  
  On average non-whites are like 60-90% lactose intolerant
  My pasty-ass ancestors are the dipshits who figured out sucking cow titty can work, most of the rest of humanity didn't try it and never developed the genes needed for it as a result
  
  They do. But you give the meanest white man a piece of cheese, he turns into Mr Rogers
- Grandad, you can't tame the white supremacist power structure with cheese

This spell has mixed results with my fiance; she LOVES cheese but is horribly allergic to it. Not life-threatening, but painfully bad.
- According to the book, there's no need for them to eat it, you just have to give it to them, although I think they may have mixed up 'fascinate' and 'confuse'.
- Is she allergic to it because of the lactose? We can already make vegan cheese that's the exact same as real cheese (literally, I don't mean it just tastes the same) except that it doesn't contain lactose. There's a company in Europe that's ready to mass produce it but the EU is taking their time with giving them the permit to sell it. I don't know how the situation is where you live.
  
  Cheddar, swiss, goat and parm tend to be very low lactose based on how they are made too.
  Likely not low enough for someone with a bad allergy, but mostly fine for run of the mill lactose intolerance.

I love the ambiguity of what you're supposed to throw in the river
- I love what appears to be a citation.

Cheese is good

Fascinate in the sense that she’ll spend the next five minutes confused as to why you gave her cheese.
- Might be the wrong kind then.
  
  My cheese wasn’t Gouda ‘nough?

Fun fact: I almost lost a GF once, due to a lack of cheese (in my refrigerator).

Cheese nuts

As a woman I agree
- Would you like a babybel?
- As a man I wanted to clarify that I am also easily fascinated by cheese

I'm not a woman, but that will work on me.

i had this book when I was an edgy teenager in my middle class bedroom rubbing olive oil on taper candles from the grocery store and.. wait this is sounding like something different entirely
- where are those candles winding up?
  
  yeah i know it dawned on me quite quickly where it sounded like that was heading..
  these "white magic" paperback books from Borders would have you anoint candles with oil to like, I dont fuckin know, endow them with your intention (Id wish the girl in algebra would notice me, so the book'd tell you to think about her while putting oil on a pink candle so when you burn it your "spell" would go into the air or some crap)
  that particular book there though was page after page like that where it said shit like "for protection from your enemies wrap some wire around leaf and put it under your doormat"

I love that the one about hurling hair accessories at moving bodies of water has a footnote and that there's already been 12 other such clarifications in this treatise 😄

Oh boy, here I go throwing maidens to rivers

This dude doesn't like cheese, I'll leave it all to women to eat.

That explains one of the companion side quests in Dragon Age: Veilguard haha, literally just had that cutscene

Smell my cheese!

It finally makes sense, Tom is a man and Jerry is a woman.

62 comments