2d ago

Wooden Spoon Only Thing In Man’s Life That Not Giving Him Cancer

theonion.com Wooden Spoon Only Thing In Man’s Life That Not Giving Him Cancer

SPARTA, OH—Setting itself apart as a uniquely innocuous object, a wooden spoon is the only thing in local man Patrick Davies’ life that is not currently giving him cancer, sources confirmed Thursday. Unlike every other physical item Davies encounters in his day-to-day existence, the bamboo utensil i...

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Yeah, but it just soaked up bacteria in the sink…
- Actually, the capillary action of wood is antibacterial. It dehydrates the cells and they die.
  Wood cutting boards are more hygienic than plastic.
  
  Yep, read an article about not applying finish to cutting boards for this reason.
  Also found out open grain woods might be better at preventing bacteria from building up, was always told the opposite.
  
  Maybe at first, but I don't want my cutting board sucking food juices for years.
  
  Woodworker here: This is why wooden cutting boards are coated with an ingestion safe oil or paste wax before use. Prevents significant fluid ingress. Then hand wash it and stand it vertically to air dry.
  
  I just wish my partner wouldn't leave wooden chopping boards or spoons soaking in water overnight. Want to get a somewhat decent one but I know it's inevitable.
  Maybe I should just buy some nice hardwood board and cut one to size and use that as a choppig board. A lot cheaper than buying something labelled as a chopping board.
  
  Find a local wood shop and ask if they have any hardwood scrap pieces. I got a bunch of small pieces of red oak for free that work great as a cutting board
  
  I don't even know what a wood shop would look like. B&Q or Wickes sell timber but I think it's a fairly limited selection, mostly just different size/shapes of softwoods.
  
  Where else am i to get my required daily dose of microplastic?
  
  Car tire dust. Most of the plastic in your body comes from car tires
  
  Just inhale. Especially if you are in a closed environment without proper ventilation. Many clothing are made with synthetic fiber blends, so there is plastic micro fibers in every home.
  
  You can choose not to buy polyester clothing. Most of mine is cotton.
  
  Ah, but car tires are the #1 cause of microplastic pollution and in the US there aren't any cities that are car free
  
  Drinking water?
  
  Eating animals and plants
- At press time, sources confirmed moisture within the wooden spoon had caused Davies to contract a drug-resistant and potentially fatal fungal infection.
  
  Heh, I didn’t read the article! ¯(ツ)/¯

39 comments