If Architects had to work like Programmers
If Architects had to work like Programmers
Dear Mr. Architect!
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).
As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminium, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminium, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.
Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.
Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.
While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.
You must be thrilled to be working on an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.
P.S.: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.
P.P.S.: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.
“This button turns on the light in the hallway. Sometimes it brings the whole house down on you, but we haven’t found a way to reliably reproduce this. If that happens just crawl from under the rubble, rebuild the house, and try again. This time the light should turn on.“
“Oh, and send us the log messages.”
Dear Mr. Customer,
Thank you for reaching out to me. I've created a design to your specifications, and included some notes in this message.
To accommodate for the number of bedrooms being unknown, I've included 1024 bedrooms in the design. If you don't need the extra rooms, you can simply leave the doors closed. You won't even notice they're there!
This design is flexible in order to balance cost vs features. For example, the house can be built from cheaper materials like OSB or cardboard, or more expensive materials like aluminum or andesite. I've also made the design modular, so you can include only the features you need (for example, a roof).
In terms of maintenance fees, we can offer you a low-cost yearly management service, so you need not worry about maintaining the building. Our firm will definitely be around in 6 months still, we're pretty sure of it.
I was not able to get a hold of your family, but I collected some feedback from my girlfriend and two cats. My girlfriend was indifferent, but the cats were unanimous in wanting green carpet. Please offer my most sincere regrets to your wife in this matter.
I didn't have the specific fridge connection you requested. I would have built a custom connector, but my boss insisted we cobble together something using 18 different preexisting connectors. It should keep things cold, but the refrigerator door will open inwards.
I've included the blueprints below. Please ignore the tear stains.
I love that you took time to draw a blueprint. And of course, had to index it from 0.
But before I hire you, can you please build a small house or a shed or a trampoline to show me that you have the skills of an architect. The exact details of what to build will be given to you when the test assignment starts.
This is for free of course.
Posted in 1995, for those wondering if educating stakeholders works...
This was somewhat comforting to me, knowing that crazy ass client requirements have always been and always will be.
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
That's actually too easy, because electrical systems have been standardized for a long time.
Should be something like "15 highpowered electrical stoves, but keep the total power consumption below 15 Watts."
Or, homeautomation and integration with google/alexa, but using the old fridge.
I was not prepared for this. I came here for jokes.
Eeme oote
This hurts in special ways
As a builder, I have had this scenario play out dozens of times. Clients paying millions for design and being shocked at what they get. My favorite was the charity that the architect spec'd custom handmade tile from Italy for.... in a service bathroom lol. 40k to tile one wall of a bathroom for a charity that struggles to keep its doors open.
But programming is worse. In your analogy, once you finished the wall they’d come to you and ask you if you could „make the finished wall cheaper somehow?“ (because they are so incompetent that they think programming is magic and can magically change things in the real world).
And when you logically answer „no can do“ they won’t wake up to the fact they’re asking stupid questions, but rather think of you as not competent enough…
I've spent the last 4 months living this. Thank you I hate it.
EDIT: Actually my entire career, but most painfully the last 4 months. I hate it. And, yet, I must eat, so I endure.
Oh, and I can't pay you up front, but you may use me as a reference for any future opportunities you may have.
Thanks for copying the text. That site does not support https at all.
It's from 1995, maybe that's why.
Anyway, no problem.
My entire design career in one video
Yeah, there were definitely some subject matter experts involved in that film. I’m not going back to that career.
this is literally how we work now in construction. because everything is digital people think that this is an acceptable approach. all my costing files are purposefully extremely dynamic.
you want to add another floor? no problem.
you want to change some floors from 3 bedroom to 2 bedroom? no problem.
you want to remove a parking floor and have outside parking? no problem. you don't want to have low hanging beams? no problem.
and so on and so on...
i know i should not be working like this, but sometimes i have to.
also make sure that you keep updating it for life even though I'm only paying you once.
But before I hire you, can you please build a small house or a shed or a trampoline to show me that you have the skills of an architect. The exact details of what to build will be given to you when the test assignment starts.
This is for free of course.
Oh, and once you build that, I'll move in and expect you to build the rest of the house on top of it.
This is very relatable, whenever someone asks for anything of any size then they'll never know what they want until you show it to them.
I've started to do a bit of overengineering every now and then when I have a hunch they might want to charge something about it later.
I created a GUI for changing every single string of text on a webapp for admins, showed it to them 10x and they complimented me on how easy it is to use and change any small string in it.
Project then gets halted for Corp approval reasons and they come back with a PDF of changes they want where half of it is text changes.
I recommend insulating yourself from stuff that is subject to change like payment providers or other third party integrations. In ecommerce everyone wants something like "shipping but different if the client's name ends with 'SHIP1' but use default if his number is the default number" and since they asked for the wrong thing you'll have to do a fast revert.
Never mind, this is getting into rant territory, lol.
My life flashed before my eyes.
This is soooo true! 😐
I've spent the last 4 months living this. Thank you I hate it.
"Dear Mr. Architect!" is such a charming start to the letter, sort of getting "kid's letter to Santa" vibes if the kid dreamed of being an architect.
Too bad the rest of the letter isn't quite as charming :P