Bazingn't

the stainless steel exoskeleton can't protect you from the shame you feel when you catch your diffused reflection in the flat body panels

jesus. somehow, that thing is even uglier out amongst the hustle and bustle of every day urban life.
suckers.
- Imagine this thing driving around the small rural towns in the US. What an out of place eye sore.
  
  For real. Who ever actually thought this thing was aesthetically appealing?
  
  Try that in a small town

The good thing about Teslas is that they’re a good signifier of who to avoid, mock, and/or ostracize at social events. Before you had to spend many days to get to know someone before finding out they’re the biggest rubes, and now you just gotta mention Tesla or Musk and see how they respond.
- I find it's usually them bringing up Teslas or Musk completely unprompted.
  
  Happened to me the first week at my new job. A co-worker started talking about how he watched a Joe Rogan episode with Musk, and how much he admires them both.
- So you wouldn't Drive (2011) a Tesla?
  
  I would rather Drive (2011) a gift car from the IRA.
- Yeah, true. I never want to come into contact with you either.
  
  Struck a nerve?
  
  Hahahahahahahahaha shut up nerd

The world's most expensive blue check, so embarrassing
- This is so true!

when you turn off the textures to get better fps
- LOL

the SNES could push more polygons than Tesla

Am I crazy or is he just pushing this shitbox out despite all the hate simply in hopes that he gets the Delorean / Back to the Future treatment when the next generations faun over the Cybertruck?
Like most of his best laid plans, I hope that never actually comes to fruition. Future humans, I’m looking at you!
- TBF, the DeLorean can't go fast enough, quick enough to be a genuine danger to people inside and outside the car in the same way a Cybertruck is just sitting at a red light.
  
  Well… It did go pretty fast when Doc installed the flux capacitor on it!

The novelty is gone, you aren’t any happier.
I actually think this is true for all cars. Buying any vehicle beyond your basic needs is a huge waste. I used to work with a guy who owned an Audi R8. We’d get lunch together often and he’d drive. First time or two was pretty cool, it’s a nice car. But after that, it was just a way to get to where we were going and the actual experience of driving was basically no different from riding around in my Corolla. Coworker seemed just as bored with it as I was. Sure you can go really fast, like how someone who owns an SUV can go offroad. But 99% of driving in the US is just commuting or running errands. Autos are just status symbols in the US, nothing more. And like all status symbols, they don’t make you one iota happier.
- Unless you go to a race track, sports cars aren't worth it.
  
  It depends on where you live and the kind of roads. If you are often on two-lane twisty roads like much of the east coast US or even UK, then a small low-power sports car is a ton of fun and makes it more fun to go on errands. When I had a Miata, it made me happy every time I drove it. It has sporty dynamics (including an amazing gearbox, suspension, and weight balance), looks cool, and the roof comes off. And at the end of the day it's literally a Mazda 3 in terms of the hardware, fuel efficiency, and maintenance costs.
  But yea... I wouldn't buy an R8 just to be blueballed hitting illegal speeds in 2nd gear.
- But 99% of driving in the US is just commuting or running errands.
  If I'm going to do those things, might as well do it in a fun car. The key is that the car is actually fun, and not simply a status symbol that you can't afford and will get old fast.
- Appliance 4 door Honda with some basic creature comforts gang be winning.

The only solution is to get onto the waiting list for the CYBERTRUCK 2.0! That'll fix that empty void inside of me!
- Cybertruck Slim

You think you saw a car full of teens
"This is why my brilliant¹ design makes such substantial use of emotional support blindspots. The losers and haters that want to mock you will have to try very hard to do so from a position you will actually see"
Stolen from his child's uncarved pinewood derby block
- Pinewood derby block indeed!
  Imagine how many pinewood derby Cybertrucks will be made this derby season by all the cub scouts dads out there.

This think looks like what Xtreme! computer mouse was supposed to look like in the late 90's.

The novelty is gone, you aren’t any happier.
Having used a robust public transportation system at a reasonable price point, I felt something. I yearn to go back

Fast, silent and bullet proof… will be the chosen vehicle for bank robberies and drug lords.
- They stand out too much for that. You want a discreet vehicle, something that doesn't draw attention so you can escape into traffic.
  
  It'd be a great distraction car

I think at some point during the design stage, maybe in a presentation, someone uploaded a copy of the spec in the background of a selfie and cropped themselves out. Maybe they couldn't remember what filename to search for for the original file. I can think of no other explanation as to why this car is backwards. They even forgot to delete the headlights from the rear end after they had grifted their way into saving their job after a smashing bender. Or maybe a potential shareholder said, this isn't going to be as dangerous to kids as other trucks, is it, where the driver can't see the first 5m in front of the damn thing? And the intern ad libbed, hoping to get promoted for saving the project by suggesting the potential shareholder was looking at it backwards.

The stupidest part of this thing will be the repair costs and corresponding insurance rates. A shopping cart ding can't be repaired with Bondo and paint. Nor can it be repaired by normal paintless dent repair tools because it's 3mm stainless steel. Basically any accident will require panel replacement, since there's only a few shops in the whole country that can repair stainless steel body panels.
A fender repair that would cost $1500 on a normal vehicle will cost $10k. I'm sure we'll see parking lot accidents that total one of these.
- Specialist DeLorean shops rubbing their hands together in excitement.
- Does it still have crumple zones?

Was it true that these things have a literal kitchen granite fucking countertop as a dash with no airbags? I'd expect you won't be seeing them around for much longer once most of their drivers end up either dead or with traumatic brain injuries.
- No.
- In the prototype the dash had a marble pattern on it. Not sure if it was just a vinyl wrap or not. The production version has no marble pattern on it

i just want a tiny pill-shaped van with just a bit more ground clearance than it really needs. or one of those small japanese 2 seat trucks. or a 4 seat auto-rickshaw with just fabric/plastic coverings for doors/roof/windows.

This almost exactly like the truck I drew when I was 5, thinking "wow, this is such a cool truck I made!"
- Would it shock you to know that Musk designed the profile of this car after one of his young children asked why cars didn't look like scifi

It looks like a prop from Total Recall.
- He probably has a "get your ass to Mars" tattoo on his butt. Then he dies as a victim of a Johnny cab that he created.