girl what rule

One of the few things I miss on Reddit is a sub called "Ididnthaveeggs" or something like that. Basically a whole sub of the bonkers substitutions people have done. It was always a good read.
- 1/5 stars
  I didn't have sugar, butter, vanilla, or baking powder, and I substituted the milk with cheddar cheese. Also, I don't have an oven, so I just used a frying pan on the stove top. It turned into an omelet! Would not recommend this cake recipe.
  
  7/11 with rice
  
  It might sound totally insane but this is barely an exaggeration with some of the ones you see submitted there (and I mean ones that aren’t jokes).
  They will absolutely make tons of substitutions and still rate the recipe based on it. It’s infuriating and should be illegal.
- I tried to make fried eggs but I didn't have eggs so I replaced them with ice cream.
  0/10 hot ice cream soup isn't fried eggs!!
  
  But the ice cream obviously had no yolk. So I used yellow mustard.
- How did I not know about that sub! I love hearing about those idiots
  
  How did i not know about that sub? I would love hearing those idiots
- Honestly one of my favorite subs ever. Would be nice if we had that one here
  
  Be the change you want to see in this world.

If carrots have too much sugar for you, sweety, don't bake a fucking cake.

Carrots having way too much sugar is wild to me. Like what do you eat except kale?
- I mean, carrots do have a lot of sugar as vegetables go, but it’s like 5% sugar by weight. If you’re cutting out stuff with that low of a ratio, you’re probably taking a low sugar diet a bit far.
  
  I wouldn't eat a raw carrot either unless I'm looking for a sugar shock but this is like one ingredient of a cake, a fucking CAKE!! What else did you supplement?
- More kale
- They're making a cake, you don't want sugar in cake!
- Red kale is actually kinda sweet

Do people just substitute things that look similar?
I didn't like egg whites, so I used soap instead. Ew, it tastes like soap!
- chef_the_kiss ★☆☆☆☆
  I replaced the vanilla extract with balsamic vinegar and it tasted like a disgusting overcooked salad! Why would you let me do that?
  
  somebody wants a mud pie!
- Next time maybe mention I shouldn't use soap in the recipe?

Carrots have way too much sugar?? To go in a cake?? Wut
- What's wrong honey? You haven't finished your kale cake.
  
  Kace
  
  In my grandparents’ region (south-east of France), there’s a traditional pie made with leafy greens: tourte de blettes, that is to say “chard pie”.
  My grandmother calls it tourte d’herbes (“herb pie”), it’s very good, there’s definitely sugar in it!

I asked you for directions to Santa Monica but I decided to drive to the Mojave instead and there was NO BEACH AND NO OCEAN.
2/5 stars, wouldn’t recommend Santa Monica

I've not seen the movie, but this is shades of that film about the woman who reinvented a lot of cattle technology, and there's a scene where they're trying out her new design for something and they decide the materials and shape are wrong and change them, and then three cattle die, and they're laughing at her saying her thing doesn't work, and she looks at what they did to it and calls them out for being idiots
- Temple Grandin?
  
  thats the one

I've replaced the celery in the raw celery recipe with pizza. Why am I not losing weight?
- It says 10 calories per serving! What gives!?
- I'm doing keto, but with muffins.
- In the 60s of last century (IIRC, was before my time) there was a product called "Millical", a powder to be mixed with water that provided (according to knowledge back then) every nourishment for the day with a total of 1000kcal (hence the name) per "day pack". Basically a diet powder. Best comment was "It tastes boring, so instead of water, I mix it with cream."

There’s a sub for this on the other site, called “Didn’tHaveEggs”. It’s funny as.
- Damn I must've missed out on that one on other site
- funny as what
  
  as
  
  They forgot the *.
  It's funny as wildcard, meaning funny as anything!
  
  Funny as fuck. The last word is implied.
- Thank you. It was one of my favorite subs but I couldn’t remember the name.

So in cooking, I tend to do this sort of thing all the time, but not in a dumb way - for example, when I roast a chicken, if I want a more Asian spin on it, I’d sub out my usual herbs de Provence + fresh parsley/sage/rosemary/thyme for chili crisp, ginger, sambal olek, minced Thai basil, and a bit of cilantro, or something like that.
But in baking, there’s actual chemistry involved with almost everything, so you do not want to fuck with that unless you actually know what you’re doing..
- Also I'm so shy to ask the author from explanation when I change a little thing. I know I'm not an expert so maybe for this recipe preheating my oven was actually very important...
  
  But at the same time there’s a difference between making an informed/educated guess on a valid swap vs what these people are doing, which is one short step from “I didn’t have cinnamon sticks so I got some sticks from the tree outside my house”
- when I roast a chicken, if I want a more Asian spin on it, I’d sub out my usual herbs de Provence + fresh parsley/sage/rosemary/thyme for chili crisp, ginger, sambal olek, minced Thai basil, and a bit of cilantro, or something like that.
  Where pepper?
  Anyway; cooking is art, baking is science.

I'm speechless. So they change the recipe and then they blame the recipe? WTF....
- He changed it? How did he change it?
  He changed it as it was going out the door 🐀🐀
  
  what?!?

any site worth their salt would remove these reviews as they aren't based off the product posted since they subbed items
- They substituted the salt with nutritional yeast.
  
  0/10, tasted like floury paste.
- “I tried playing my DOOM: The Dark Ages copy for Xbox but I don’t own an Xbox so I put the disk in my Nintendo 64. The game didn’t even launch wtf this game sucks”
  
  You forgot the bit where they cut the disk so it would fit in the slot, and are also upset that the store won't return it anymore.

It's like that Marie Callender Pie incident lol
- I didn’t know this meme until now, and this image is my favourite. Can’t stop laughing.
- "I grilled this pasta for hours and hours, but it wouldn't go soft!" (Terry Pratchett, "Opera")

I've noticed the opposite, people post reviews like:
I changed this, modified this quantity, replaced that, used another cooking duration, it was great, 5 stars.
Really helpful... /s

I had a friend who wanted to make my No Bake cookies for her husband so I showed her the recipe and she said she had everything.
I show up to a game night and she’s making them but substituted the butter for the ‘can’t believe it’s not butter’ stuff. I told her it’s not the same thing and she didn’t believe me.
Instead of cookies she served us bowls of congealed cookies.
She tried blaming me but my friend knew better and called her out for not following the recipe.
- The margarine is probably a combination of oil and shortening, so I feel like you'd be able to make the sub in a pinch? You'd need to melt it down first because the spreadable stuff in the container has air whipped into it.
  I dunno, I haven't tested it.
  Edit: I didn't see they were No Bake cookies. Yeah, that would make a much bigger difference.

Who the fuck substitutes mayo for heavy cream?
- Hey, they're both thick and white. And eggs are dairy too!
  
  Hey, they're both thick and white
  If that's the bar, we should be glad it was mayonnaise!
- Morons, that don't think at all.
- Stupid fucks do.

I'm guilty of this. For my pesto recipe I replaced pine nuts with peanuts, olive oil with sunflower oil, basil with spinach, cheese with nooch, but kept the salt, pepper, garlic and citric acid. It's not exactly pesto anymore at that point, but for a struggle meal it could be a lot worse.
- Technically what you made very well could still be "Pesto", since the word refers to how it's prepared not what's in it (shares the same root as Pestle). The basil, pine nut, olive oil, and cheese recipe you were following would be Pesto alla Genovese
  
  Well that's explains why supermarket "Pesto" is allowed to be completely devoid if olive oil. I hate it so much, it tastes wildly different with sunflower oil than with olive oil.
  
  For sure. I make pesto sometimes with dandelion leaves, olive oil, and walnuts. Any oil you like the flavour of, any bitter green, any nut. Garlic, however, is mandatory.
- Ah, but did you then complain that the recipe was bad?
  
  Seeing as I was frankensteining the recipe from several sources, I wouldn't even know where to complain if I had wanted to, so no.
- Like it’s definitely a different thing, but it’s the same general concept, gonna have a wildly different flavor but fill the same kind of culinary niche.
  Replacing carrot with kale in a freaking carrot cake is like replacing basil with potatoes.
- There are worse ways to riff on a recipe, I don't know what nooch is but the rest at least sounds like possible replacements. You're right it wouldn't be pesto, but I don't think I'd hate it.
  
  Nooch is nutritional yeast. It's probably the most expensive ingredient in the recipe hah, but it goes a long way. Even though I'm not vegan, I've dabbled with vegan substitutions and nutritional yeast was probably the best part of that journey.
- Well those ingredients are way more similar to eachother than "eggs and mashed banana"
  Only if you replaced the peanuts with raisins, the basil with pine needles and the olive oil with teriyaki sauce would you have a case for being guilt to this degree.
  
  Actually banana for eggs can work if you know what you're doing. In many baking recipes, the egg is used as a binder. Pectin (found in fruit) can work as well, but you need to alter the recipe in very specific ways to make it work.
- What in the poverty is "nooch"? Also, peanuts have too much flavor and spinach too little compared to their counterparts. I can't even imagine what that tasted like. Along with the rest that just sounds like sour garlic peanut butter. No thank you.
  
  It's not a poverty thing, it's a vegan thing. It's Nutritional Yeast, which tastes kind of cheesy
- It still probably tastes more like pesto than what you get in a jar from the supermarket
  Unrelated but if anyone wants to try pesto 2.0, sub the basil for wild garlic and half the pine nuts for cashews, it's a delightful taste sensation.
- Nooch has so many delicious uses.
  
  I got pretty addicted to vegan parmesan. Such a simple and easy thing to put together but oh so tasty.

I'm really loving the last one there. Somehow "shots" is their preferred unit of measure. Most cookies don't have any liquid ingredients, either, so milk is kind of a wild addition. Then they blame the recipe for being chunky, which I assume is due to the banana that they did a shit job of mashing. The cherry on top is that there is a rating out of five stars at the top (looks like they gave five stars?), but then they throw in a rating out of ten at the bottom. Should have given a thumbs up rating, but I assume the thumbs are busy in their ass.
- Sugar is a liquid ingredient
  
  The fuck kind of sugar are you using?
  
  "Wet" and "liquid" are not the same word
  (For the confused: with baking you put ingredients in specific orders. Sugar is usually included with the wet ingredients)

This makes me think of this classic about changing recepies...

One of my favourite recipes has a comment in a similar vein and it tickles me every time.
For context the recipe is for Oatmeal Cakes, which are baked in a muffin tray.
The commenter says: "I wouldn’t make these again. Although they are not called a muffin, they do look like one in the picture. They are nothing like a muffin. I only realized after I had all of the ingredients in the bowl that the recipe did not call for any flour." (2/5 stars)

What on earth do these people think recipes are
- Suggestions, clearly.
  
  They kind of are if you understand what role these ingredients play and why. I was able to make an easy substitution in an oatmeal cookie recipe because the nuts I was adding were primarily bulk as was the oats so the substitution worked out fine. If, on the other hand, I replaced oats with more raisins that might not have worked because the raisins would add more moisture.
  You can replace like for like provided they are doing the same job
- Yeah and especially for baking recipes. Like they say cooking is an art and baking is a science. Unlike with cooking you can’t really deviate from a baking recipe unless you know what you are doing other wise it is a guaranteed failure.

The weird part about these is sometimes the results are absolutely fire as long as you use a little common sense.
Its possible to bake an amazing chocolate cake by replacing the eggs and oil with mayonaise and a great Vanilla cake by replacing the milk and sugar with melted ice cream.
- Replacing eggs and oil with mayonnaise?
  Milk and sugar replaced with melted ice cream?
  You're just substituting two things with one thing that is made almost entirely from those two things.
  Like yes, eggs and oil are a great replacement for eggs and oil.
  
  It still sounds insane at first until you think about it. "I'm baking a chocolate cake, fetch the mayonaise" Is not normal behavior.
  
  Whenever I'm thirsty I just drink a liquefied byproduct of hydrogen and oxygen combustion instead of water
- Sure, but the people with common sense don't leave these kinds of comments.

These are the people who are impressed by llm ai.

American behaviour
- pretty much. And suburban Melbourne mother shit too.

These people are going to be fucking mad when they learn about braille books. “1/10, couldn’t read it, doesn’t have words in it!”

Decided to give your “famous” crab cake recipe a try. Substituted double chocolate fudge brownies for the crab and was murdered by how bad it was. No crab to be found anywhere in the mess and now I have panic attack disorder. -15/10 Next time just say you don’t know what the fuck a crab cake is, GWYNETH.

As someone in IT people do the same thing. Specifically as a favor I managed to get a crappy Samsung on a up to date version of LineageOS (through a GSI). For some reason it had a very specific problem that you cant do recovery though the OS so I installed teamwin. I tell this person "ok this phone isnt secure, dont put info on it. Also dont reset through LineageOS". Well guess what, he did that anway and I ofc fixed it.
- Oh my god, GSIs. I used a phone with a GSI for a month. More than that would just make me kill myself.
  
  The person needed it working quickly unti he can get a new one

The amount of dumbfucks in the 1990s who suggested I could remove the eggs from my cookies recipe and replace them with bananas and cider vinegar was insane. I get you are looking to reduce fats but why would a banana and acid do the same job as the egg?
- There are lots of vegan egg replacement tricks, banana is one of them. If you look at pictures when you search "vegan egg replacement" you'll find a bunch of them. Flax seed "egg", chia seed "egg".
  Apparently, the apple cider vinegar one is supposed to be combined with baking soda, which I'm not certain how that'd work as vinegar and baking soda reacts quite violently, releasing a lot of CO2 all at once (classic school "homemade bottle rocket" recipe: vinegar and baking soda).
  
  It’s still not chemically do the same thing as a different fat would. It’s not going to bind like the protein in eggs do either.
- I always steam when people replace anything with banana, but that's because I'm fuckin' allergic to banana.
  Health people act like banana is a solution for everything.

My mother in law.

i just noticed it was caelen

There are people who think if it looks the same, it can be substituted. They blow a lot of chips if they try electronics design.

I clearly missed something in the last couple weeks- what is with "rule"? Can anyone explain the sudden explosion of this usage?
- It is just a meme of !onehundredninetysix@lemmy.blahaj.zone. It has only one rule, to post something before you leave. So everybody somehow puts "rule" into the title when they post.
  For some reason you're just getting more 196 posts than usually. Or you just started noticing the title more.
  
  Note that there are actually a bunch of rules. "There's just one rule" is itself a meme derived from it's historical antecedents.
  
  Gracias!

It’s better to fail while experimenting like this than to keep rigid to the recipe and produce stale results
Add some random shit to the recipe and see what happens, who knows maybe you will invent next sliced bread
If it fails there’s nothing that a strong drink wouldn't deal with
Like mayo with strawberries turns out it is as bad as it sounds but you would never know for sure till you tried. Are you just gonna obediently take somebody’s word for it?
- Yeah, but if you do crazy replacements on recipies, at least don't complain to the recepies author, and don't downrate the recipe because of your own ineptitude.
  On the other hand, if you find a substitute that actually works, post it as an alternative.
  
  Why not? Can’t they take a bit of criticism? You post something on the web you must be ready for spiciness.
- Experimenting with the intent to discover how different flavors interact is an excellent thing to do.
  However, if you are following a recipe and substitute something in it for something you don't actually know 100% works as a substitute and then blame the person who published the recipe for it not working out so well, you are an asshole.
  
  Who else am I gonna blame? I have such a rule I keep to that it is never my fault.
  Unless you successfully prove it. Why would I weaken my position right at the start? Maybe they will make another recipe specifically for you. Nothing to lose
- Dissolve gummy worms in monster
- You're the person that replaces cream with mayonnaise aren't you?
  
  Yes