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I just leave food out for them and then fuck off.
If they don't wanna hang then it's whatever.

Birds can tell when you're creepy around women. That's why they always land on the finger of a princess frolicking in the woods. Jordan Peterson taught me that.
- These leftist would have you believe that woodland critters can't intuit the chaotic nature of the feminine. It's... sorry... it's just such a frightening position, you can understand why I'm a little misty eyed just at the thought.

Corvids are smart and have some kind of active shared education, so they're always quite skittish around humans. I suspect (with no evidence or research) that they sense the cultural enmity humans have, and possibly remember the long history of "pest control" (which still happens on farms). They'll eventually learn that you're a cool human.
One way I feed them is to show them the food, then place it somewhere visible like on a post or stump, and back away to let them choose to take it. Throwing motions startle them pretty easily, even when they're very gentle.

Treat them more like cats, not like dogs. Don't look them in eyes, it makes them nervous. Or slowly look away on purpose, when they look at you. If you feed them, choose unsalted peanuts.

New flirting tactic: wooing women by holding a bunch of seeds in an open hand and approaching them slowly

I've found the key to befriending magpies is don't be too eager. When starting off just drop a bit of food (I give them unsalted peanuts still in the shell) and walk away. Don't even look back. Don't rush it, it'll take a few days, maybe longer, but eventually you can build up enough trust where they'll be braver and take food that's closer and closer to you. Patience is key. It also helps to stick to a schedule, leaving them food in the same place at the same time each day.
Also make sure what you're giving them is healthy for them (stay away from processed/salty food) and don't feed them too much! It's okay to supplement their diets and build friendship but you don't want them becoming reliant on you, they are still wild animals!
- There's a couple ducks that I basically did this with, they're pretty chill with getting within a couple feet now.

A few days back one of the crows we've been feeding for a couple of years chilled on the fence about ten feet away from me while I was outside getting high.
They didn't ask for a rip but I would have offered. It was good vibes.

My cat has befriended all the wild animals around us, and frequently ends up chittering back and forth with squirrels through the screen door. I'm not worried about him hurting any of them, because to be honest he'd lose to the squirrels if anything were to happen
- When cats do that they're mocking their prey.
  
  I'd agree with you but I've seen my little guy fail to kill bugs. I think he's trying to mock them, but he just doesn't have it in him.

burning doinks with black vulture friends who think I'm cool and let me feed them stuff