Where do you go when you have no one to talk to?

Before the rise of shitty corporate social media, we had Livejournal which was a private blogging platform, you could have your posts set friends only or public, and let me tell you writing shit out and having people comment on it, whether they validated you or pointed out a flaw in how you thought, was so much more useful than therapy.
- Ha! Haven't thought about that in awhile... you're absolutely right! My Livejournal is now old enough to get drinks. Yikes.

!dadforaminute@lemmy.world make great substitute parents for advice and hugs. They're always there without judgement

I go to bed. By day three I'm a little better, as long as nothing else happens in those three days. I have good meds for sleeping though, it's like a mini suicide

nowhere really I just get extremely depressed

Journal. Then a sappy romance anime until I feel better. If it's a consistent issue and not just a bad week there is no substitute for therapy.

I come here.
You may notice I'm here a lot.
- Same, I like this group of people on Lemmy, I've had interactions on here that have made me feel good about myself and quite often the reason I'm smiling.
  I don't know y'all, but I'm glad y'all are here.
  
  You too, dumbass. You too ❤️

that’s also something I won’t get over.
Not when you keep repeating that to yourself. Shit sucks, shit will suck for a while, but shit won't suck forever. It is okay to grief and be sad about good things. But life has to go on. Do things, meet people, force yourself to do it.
It will get better, period. Right now, it feels like it won't. But you are already reaching out here, that is working on getting better. Keep doing it, and in the meantime, head up, chest out, carry on.

I am an old man. I have often felt like this a lot in my life. I also have had problems with PTSD and depression from my history. Within the past few years my kids have been diagnosed with various neuro divergencies and this has taught me much about myself and this way if thinking.
I have learned fairly recently that a lot of my feelings like this are related to the differences in my brain and a so called "normal" brain and learning about why I had this thought process really has helped me understand why this happens to me. It all was because I cared about my kids and saw the same things happening to them. I just wanted them to avoid all the mental anguish I experienced in life.
It has been so enlightening and mostly came from sitting with them during their diagnosis and treatments and learning about how these things are genetic (possibly why it's so difficult to talk to your family about it as well) and passed from parents to kids.
Go to a doctor. You are Canadian I assume by your user name. Tell them how you feel. Ask for a referral to a mental health professional. Depending on where you live there may also be a mental health help line to do all that stuff so you don't actually have to go anywhere.
Please take care of yourself. Should you find that I am someone you could perhaps talk to about your problems feel free to reach out. If not I encourage you to find someone. Keeping all that inside leads to more problems than fewer and can easily destroy your life and those you love when unchecked and unchallenged. You can do this! One step at a time and one day at time.
- I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. You know, I never blame my parents for anything that they caused me to be or experience. I know it’s their first time living life, they won’t be perfect and we all live once. We all make mistakes and I forgive my father for everything he’s done to me. I grew up to disappoint him I guess so we would get into plenty of arguments (physical, verbal, etc) and it never was good. We wouldn’t talk for months and close to a year at one point and that is what really destroyed me inside. Feeling abandoned in a way. Feeling abandoned but living in the same house? Maybe I’m crazy but that’s how it felt. We are good now, we did have a fight not long ago where some rude things were said but I brushed it off and we talked not long after. But I think what haunts me is that I don’t think I can talk to him normally / look at him in the eyes for a long time without feeling fear. It saddens me. I did sign up for psychotherapy and I believe my first meeting (I think a call) is in may. I’m worried I won’t know where to begin or what to say. I tend to forget so much about my past.
  
  Forgetfulness can be tied to both PTSD and neuro divergency. The brain is a complicated thing. It certainly sounds like the trauma you experienced from your arguments and treatment from your father could be a possibility for why you are feeling this way. I am no mental health expert for sure but I have worked in emergency medicine extensively and experienced these things in my own life.
  It's a tough world and the chaos that surrounds us now will weigh heavily in those with any form of mental illness or distress. Please just know you aren't alone. There are many of us out here experiencing the same things and some of us have even managed these feelings and thrived within our own lives.

I usually blast my grievances to the greater fediverse. Some passerby may read my woes and wipe a tear.

Here to add that this is my problem too, and I have a therapist... that I talk to by phone once every 2-3 weeks (Here in the states psychotherapy openings are impacted so anyone who doesn't have super-good insurance is on the wayside) and she's more of a CBT coach.
I'm trying to figure out why anyone is alarmed that I want to head to the check-out lane, given our society elected the party that regards us all as expendable, and very much wants there to be fewer Americans and more elbow room for the MAGAs.
As I'm likely to be elevated on the list of priority persons to get the CECOT treatment, I still need to arrange for a rapid exit strategy for when ICE stormtroopers blast down my apartment door. Kennedy Jr. has some serious beef with us ASD folk, and as someone who is on a fixed income (though I've had jobs and even have written poetry) am exactly the sort that he wants to purge.
For the moment, I am currently living for a cat and a dog. I regard them as persons and can't trust anyone else to. And so am very reluctant to re-home them until I cannot support them any longer. I might be living so as to not traumatize my wife (we're separated) but lately I seem to be more of an obligation and a burden. It didn't help she went to a family Easter event to which I was uninvited. I spent the day alone.
What I don't understand is why elected officials claim that people like me are a burden to the state are distressed by the notion that we might want to self-dispose (This is, or rather was, my only country, my only society) Indeed, the US suicide rate has soared since the Trump era began in 2016. We're higher than Japan now, and gaining on Russia.
I don't think it's that anyone actually cares about me, I'm an abomination, like The Outsider in HP Lovecraft's story of the same name. They just don't want to process the cadaver and meager legacy I would leave.
Anyway, I go off and on suicide watch, but in these times, we're all expendable, and sooner or later going to be removed from the new MAGA society to be stuffed into a megaprison gulag. I've been told by 77 million American voters they don't want me around. I don't understand the drama if I immolate myself in front of a state building. Is this not what they want?
PS: Wife and family are considering giving me ECT, the same stuff that Hemmingway and David Foster Wallace tried before they decided it didn't work.
- I'm trying to figure out why anyone is alarmed that I want to head to the check-out lane
  You already provided a whole list of people that should check out before you do. Why would anyone want you gone when the horrible fuckers aren't going anywhere?
- This is the despair that your fellow countrymen are missing somehow. It breaks my heart. I can honestly say that in your position I'm not sure what I would do. I have been close to suicide many times. More than I can actually remember. For a while it was just a daily chore to make it to the next. Somehow I continued. I found a way to fight for myself. Eventually I found a new partner who didn't treat me like an expendable bank card and crazy weirdo and along with them I built a good life. A hard life but a good one.
  Hang in there. It can get better. I'm not sure what you do to turn it around but please know that other humans care about what is happening to you simply because you are also human. That it matters how you feel and what will make you happy. Don't let them just take that from you. Go down screaming and kicking and biting the bastards.

Nowhere? Sit with my own sadness. Go to the gym and work my frustration out on weights. Play games and forget? Unfortunately none of them healthy coping mechanisms, but talking to close ones leads to more issues because I'm very bad at putting my feelings into words without causing distress to others apparently. So inwards it goes.
Not as if the universe cares, so why should I?...
- the second one (gym) is definitely healthy and the first one debatably is, depends on how you're doing it.
  it might be valuable to you to look into stoicism, that's what the first one sounds like to me
  
  the second one (gym) is definitely healthy
  Maybe physically but how much mentally?

It’s going to sound dismissive, but I don’t go to others. I’ve found in my times of feeling the most alone, the only thing that allowed me to feel different was introspection.
I do absolutely understand the primal desire to be around others for support, but self-sufficiency and finding satisfaction without the help of others was my only way forward.
It wasn’t so much that I needed to change or that I was doing something wrong, but I forced myself to focus on those feelings and try to understand where they were coming from and learned that other things in my life gave me that satisfaction. For me, I make art when I’m feeling the most alone because it allows me to express that feeling.
Another thing that may come across as harsh is that you’re the only one in charge of your own happiness. If you feel like none of your friends are supporting you, it’s up to you to go out and find new people to fill their space.
Friends that are only there for you when you’re feeling good are not friends.
- Thanks for this. I do enjoy being alone I do but it’s so hard to distract myself sometimes when I’m alone the motivation isn’t there and I want to bed rot. I spiral in my own thoughts and it’s so hard to channel it out. I have lowkey been feeling like this for so fucking long, it was starting to get better but now it’s just downhill. I’m trying to work through it but I can’t even talk to my own family because they don’t believe in anything mental health wise. I’ve been told to shut up during panic attacks and I never been comforted the way I wanted to. I don’t know how to find new friends, it’s hard. I am 21 and I feel like at this age like everyone has their “set” and not much people go out to make new friends, I could be wrong
  
  On your last point, I moved 5 years ago when I was 28 with no friends or family to speak of outside of online. It’s never too late. My best luck making friends have been in context. In other words, I never went to a place to specifically make friends. I met them all when I was doing other things.
  The biggest change for me was joining a kickboxing gym. I’m not an athlete by any stretch, but it allowed me to gain confidence, which I quickly learned is about the most attractive trait you can have.
  The only way to get better at meeting new people is to try and fail. Hopefully through some trial and error, you can find an activity you enjoy that happens to involve others rather than trying to go places to meet people.

I don't go anywhere and it's probably killing me slowly thru vices. I don't see a better option tho.

Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to
Don't feel sorry.
Have you considered writing in a journal? I started as a little boy myself (now well into my 50s) and it helped me tremendously all my life and still does to this day.
As a child, I could certainly not speak with my dad or my mom despite or because of the things that happened to me. Even ignoring my family, a lot of my thoughts I simply could not share them with my best friend as he would not have understood most of it. Writing in my journal, discussing with myself in my journal, was my way of dealing with that absolute loneliness (after I quickly learned to make said journal unreadable to my inquisitorial mother that would quickly find it and read it no matter how hard I tried to hide it)
- I did for a bit and then stopped. I will try to continue with that. It did feel good
  
  came here to suggest journaling as well. and if you've already had a good experiance with it, all the better. during my divorce, the only other person i felt connected with offered to "help fix me" if i'd just give them a pass on all my established boundries. i declined and we parted ways. filled at least two books that year but it gave me a place to talk outside my head. it was enough to get me to each next day. that gave me time to let connections with other people develop on terms i was comfortable with.

TV, Movies, distracting entertainment.
Writing poetry, worldbuilding and write stories in it.
My favorite Youtuber is Jacksepticeye. Vey wholesome, very funny, no weirdness like the other ones. Always have a progressive view on the world. Like you can feel it when he talks about stuff.
I re-watch his old videos to feel the nostalgia.
I don't have anyone to talk to either, but when ever I hear or read about other's struggles, on wikipedia, new stories, videos, forum posts, I feel as though I talking to a friend and sharing our struggles. It give you perspective, it make you feel less lonely, knowing that you are not alone, other share similar struggles.

that’s also something I won’t get over
This is a tell tale sign of depression; the feeling that there is no “better” ahead. I could tell you there is but it might be hard to believe.
In my situation, I have a person by my side always who I trust completely. So I have somebody to help keep my head and memory clear… and I still get depressed sometimes. Hang in there.

Find a therapist. Online therapy can be affordable and accessible.
- But please DO NOT USE "BETTER HELP" its a fucking scam.
  
  It might be a scam, but I talked to someone through better help for a few weeks. She helped me get rid of my overall negativity really fast. She didn't teach me anything revolutionary, but she made me face the issue face on. 2y later and I haven't fallen back into my old ways. So for me personally, it was an absolute success story.
  I have other issues like every human being, but I am not a Debby downer anymore around others

Do you have a hobby that you might be interested in that involves meeting up with others? I know for a fact that more than a few good friendships started this way.
- I’m not sure :/ I guess I like to draw and paint but I’m not the best at it.
  
  but I’m not the best at it.
  Doesn't matter! It's the act of doing it that's beneficial.
  
  I like to draw and paint but I’m not the best at it
  I mean, it's a hobby. I understand the desire to be good at it, but the primary goal is to have fun.

In the US, 988 has a warm line. They get a bad rap but if you call, wait and ask for the warm line during the day, they will call back within 48 to 72 hours to talk about anything for a half hour. For when you are not in a crisis, but still need to talk. If you ever are, look up crisis numbers in your area.

I just lost something so good in my life because I made a big mistake
I saw your previous post and I just want to say, as an internet stranger that only knows what I've read, I think that you did nothing wrong and I hope that you reach the point where you can see that and believe it for yourself. I'll be fair and say that at most, you both fucked up. But that's just in the interest of fairness towards people I don't actually know. I don't believe it though. In fact, the way it went down, it just proves that you had good reason to not be 100% truthful at the start. And I don't believe the results would've been any different anyway. The only thing that I agree with that person about is that you need to believe in your own self worth.
As for your question, let me know if you get a good answer lol. At least being able to get things off your chest on an anonymous platform and hopefully get helpful advice is the next best thing.
- It’s so hard to believe my own self worth when I’m always in repeated pain from people. I try so hard man, I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of giving people so much of my energy. I won’t blame myself for everything because I know most of what I did isn’t wrong but I did involve myself I guess in situations where things can go wrong but I never wanted that.
  
  I definitely hear you, in fact I ended up kinda shutting myself off for years just to avoid that pain. But maybe one has to come first. Maybe if your self worth was higher, it wouldn't be so easy to be hurt by people. People that probably didn't deserve your company in the first place.
  I did involve myself I guess in situations where things can go wrong but I never wanted that.
  We live and we learn. There's no going back and doing things differently (although I fkn wish there was), the only direction is forward. And the best that we can do is learn and grow and maybe do things differently in the future.
  Not to sound too much like a fortune cookie though lol. The truth is that I suck at life myself, so I'm not sure if I'm even qualified to be giving this kind of advice. But hopefully there's something in here that helps.
  One thing that I do know is that there's no magic words that you're going to hear that will make the current fresh pain that you're feeling go away. That'll only happen with time. So hang in there, and be kind to yourself. We're all just making it up as we go along.

That's the neat part, no one.
But hey, you're not alone being alone. (Sorry, I kinda like that sentence)
- That’s true. Me myself & I i guess

No where. There's only so many times I can be ignored and be okay with it, or have my hand slapped when I reach out.

I either talk to my partner, therapist, or ask online :)

I think many of us have been here before. The first thing to realize is that... you aren't the first and won't be the last. I'm sorry you've had trouble in life. I'm having trouble now too, but different.. and feel there's nobody I can really talk to about it. I have friends who are also having trouble and while we talk, the reality is that all my good wishes and time to time help doesn't solve their problems either. In the end it's up to them.
"Life is a struggle" isn't just an axiom.
The first thing any lonely person can do is really learn to love spending time with themselves. It involves a lot of soul searching, exploring, learning what things in life interest them enough to explore on their own. When you accomplish that, take what you're interested in and go find other people who are interested in it. Two people in the world who might be meant for each other, but just stay at home because they don't want to get out there... will never ever meet.
Life is work. Friends are work. Relationships are work. If you just want to be happy alone and by yourself, guess what? Work.
This is a crossroads in your life, where you get to decide which way to go. It may seem overwhelming, but in the end it starts with one simple thing. What thing in the world makes you happy? If that's nothing, then start with, what thing in the world makes you less sad?
Every house has a foundation. Time to build yours.

I daydream. I'll "go" somewhere else. I know it's no more than me talking to myself, but I'll daydream someone who really likes me or cares for me, and I'll "talk" to them. Not really to fix it, but to kind of resolve it.
I was extremely unpopular in school and I'm an only child of a single mother. I spent a lot of time by myself, and still do. I've had a lot of practice.

I've messaged friends posted on lemmy and sometimes some people on discord.
If you need to verbally say stuff then there are probably discord servers, vrchat, and sometimes I've even spoken in csgo surf lobbies. One of my best and most experiences have been in csgo lobbies. Sometimes you'll hear some dude try to rap and stuff and it's kinda funny.

bellawhiskey.ca/trollegle

I moved five countries over so I don't have to talk to or see my family. I used to sail away so that I don't have to talk to, or even see other people.
Right now I'm in-between boats and trying out camping to get away from people instead. Also, the dogs like it more than sailing. Having to dinghy to shore for pee breaks gets tiring real fast.

Nicole

- PLEASE DO NOT SELF MEDICATE WITH BOOZE OR OTHER SUBSTANCES.
  You are Canadian and you have options. I self medicated with booze and lost most of my life to alcoholism because there was no mental health help for me then. It simply didn't exist. That's a terrible suggestion to someone having a mental health crisis. This person should be ashamed of themself as should those who supported the suggestion.
  That and your parents should be there to help you. As I have learned from our interaction they do not. Normalizing this person's ideas of morality is fucked. Please don't listen to this bullshit.
  People will care about you but this person does not. They are suggesting things that can only further hurt your.physical and mental well being.
  
  You saw where I said it was a bad idea and not to take it seriously right? It's just a fact that this WAS the solution for too many people for too many years. And super unhealthy as it was, it's how people coped until their either died or fell apart.
  I get you don't see the humor in it, and that's okay. I even called it alcoholism which anyone can recognize is a bad thing, right? I didn't suggest having a little alcohol to loosen up or to numb those feelings, I went straight to you can always just fucking make things even worse.
  But also, in the past people drank heavily as a coping mechanism for all kinds of physical and mental pain. It was a BAD mechanism, but it's how people hid their pain without dealing with it. It's why people think their parents were so good at dealing with difficult times. They weren't, they were just covering it up with alcohol and they got lucky through selection bias.
  Is that sufficiently direct? Sorry to ruffle your feathers, mate. My father and son are both in recovery. Dark humor is how I deal sometimes.
- It’s sad to hear you complain about your son like that but at the same time my younger sibling is exactly that person😭 I almost though you were my parent
  
  I love him, but we have three other kids (one of whom is autistic with severe anxiety) and jobs and parents and siblings. And he just wants to talk about how hopeless everything is or how his anxiety attacks are actually heart issues that no one is willing to take seriously to detect the problem, or he literally won't talk at all and just wants someone on the phone in case he suddenly dies. (He's had physical workups several times and nothing is found, but the reality is everyone has to go sometime and sometimes it's a freak thing. That's just life.)
  It's fucking exhausting and there just isn't enough to give no matter how hard we try. Even when we are literally killing ourselves or getting reamed by bosses because of the constant calls at work or having to go get our 15 year old out of school at least one a week, it's not enough.
  I'm going to be honest, I'm only fifty and I'm not afraid of death because it will be a fucking relief some day, and everyone can just find a way to fucking deal without us.
  Anyway that's my rant. I'm sorry about your brother. One thing I can see with my own eyes is that sometimes it's hardest on the person who can keep their shit together and has to because it's always chaos and there just isn't room for anyone else to fall apart EVER. So mate, I hope that isn't you. And if it is I hope you recognize that you need help too and that's okay. No one gets a free ride in life. We all have shit to deal with, however well we keep it together for others. Good luck!