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chapotraphouse @hexbear.net

Infamousblt [any] @hexbear.net

5d ago

Serious post: I can't decide if I love or hate when people rip up their grass and replace it with fake grass

Ok on one hand kill your lawn like absolutely. Fuck grass get rid of it grass sucks plant real plants.

On the other hand if you're gonna replace it with a bunch of tiny plastic painted bright green that in no way shape or form looks or feels like grass what's the point.

I have two wolves inside me and I don't know which one to let out.

25 comments

I planted a lefitst populist movement on my yard, didn't take long for the government to astroturf it for free

A bunch of plastic sitting out in the sun releasing microplastics into the soil or an actual (but shitty) plant?
Also, I once saw someone cutting their fake grass and wanted to scream.
- Also, I once saw someone cutting their fake grass and wanted to scream.

I don't think there's a single thing in the world that you should more clearly and openly hate than plastic lawns.

It's almost specifically designed to somehow be worse than a grass lawn

Plastic is bad. Like really bad.

fake grass is such an apt metaphor for the vapidity of contemporary American life. the profound lack of imagination of wanting to emulate traditional suburban aesthetics (ew) but doing so in the cheapest, most artificial way possible. an unconvincing facsimile of something that was never good in the first place
if I had a front yard I'd plant some palms and succulents, and surround them with a bunch of pretty rocks and stones

I admire a person so averse to touching grass that they Do Something about it
- But then they replace it with "grass, but worse"

Yeah why would you go with astro turf when native plants are right there?
- Why would you go with astro turf when half dead grass, clover, and dirt are right there?

Why would anyone consider plastic grass a better alternative? Lets further poison the world with microplastics.

Extra downside of artificial turf: it usually has a rubber layer underside so water doesn't drain through it and will kill way more than grass via dehydration, while also creating spots for mosquitoes to breed in any divots where rain can pool on top.
I think having to replace an entire lawn needs to be framed as a long term goal not a single project. Just starting with no water, fertilizer, or new seed is an easy step one, then as places become patchy you replace them with new beds or alternative ground covers

I think that other plants are the better option. I myself have a fairly diverse little back yard. It's not conventionally pretty, but I've seen bees enjoying it, and some birds come down looking for bugs or worms or something here and there. Combine that with the erosion control it provides, and I'm happy. No watering necessary, just cut it every week or so to keep rats and snakes from trying to nest. I think it's beautiful. Mostly green but with some purple and yellow from various whatevers mixed in, and lots of life visiting it.
I don't know why anybody would choose grass (real or otherwise) over this. Maybe for certain yard games, but my yard isn't large or perfectly level or anything anyway. And I don't think it's worth tons of water and fertilizer, or the cost of astroturf, or the withholding of bee habitation just to play bocci once in a blue moon. Or even worse, to impress neighbors and passersby. Grow a fucking garden instead lol.
- Definitely best to just plant real plants. Always

I hearby release you from your tormented superposition: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xeriscaping
- I mean yes this is the best option by far

I wonder what consequences covering the ground around a building with plastic would have for water management. A lawn at least allows rainwater to be absorbed but when the ground is all covered in plastic, that water has to run off to somewhere else. A plastic lawn sounds like something that could seriously make problems with poor grading and poor drainage a lot worse.
Just plant something other than grass.
- There's holes in the mats to allow some of the water to seep through.

I think if you want a quick way to stop wasting water on grass, it's a reasonable choice. Personally I think patio stones or pebbles/gravel is classier, but probably more expensive and time consuming to put in.
In response to the snottiness about clover and other groundcover, I'll mention that is illegal in some places to do this. https://www.msn.com/en-us/home-and-garden/landscaping/can-you-be-fined-for-having-an-overgrown-lawn/ar-BB1reOrr The presence of "weeds" can get you fined! I have friends who lives in a totally normal, non-HOA, working class area where you must have grass. To be fair I'm not sure if plastic grass would cut it but if that's the only alternative, plastic would be better. It takes crazy water to maintain the grass, not to mention re-sodding every few years and everyone ends up with their own mower.
Stupid law or none, not everyone has the time or wherewithall to be a nerd gardener. Until we have funded landscaping coops able to go around and maintain properties of those who have other priorities there is no reason to cast aspersions just because it doesn't meet with your aesthetic tastes. There's plastic all over the ground; one lawn isn't going to make matters much worse.

I haven't run the numbers or anything, but fake grass is probably better for the environment than a constantly watered, fertilized, herbicized, pesticized grass lawn.
Obviously both are worse than, like, some rocks.

Florida style gravel/stone lawns are the only winning move.

let the tacky embrace you
buy the plastic flamingos and garden gnomes

It's a close competition between which is worse. Thr grass lawn is usually accompanied by a ton of inputs that drain off and mess with the water aupply and native plants. The plastic disintegrates and also ends up in water and animals.
I've heard that there are a variety of grass alternatives that are appropriate for different climatic regions. If it were me and I wanted an open space to mesd around in I'd look into that.

25 comments