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Greentext @sh.itjust.works

MrJameGumb @lemmy.world

2mo ago

Anon needs help to solve the mystery

127 comments

It's a riddle. It was made of ice.
- Or chocolate
  
  ... some stay dry, others feel the pain.
- Imagine the frostbite
  
  You mean a freezejob, aka rimfreeze

I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.
"Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing."
- Occam's razor and all that
  
  Occam's buttplug
- Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.
  
  And then what?

Anon needs to go to a hospital soon
- but sadly, Anon is American
  
  The worst condition of them all.
- Better get an MRI to look for it
  
  Ouch... We don't want to kill that anon!

Must have been the wind
- Maybe just a homeless guy

Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.
Know your local mythology.
- Shart Fariy 🧚💩
  
  The more timid subspecies of the feared diarrhea-jet-superpropulsion fairy.
  Some say a mere glance of this fairy can have you leave orbit!

Did it have a flared end?
If yes:
It's in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn't remember.
or
He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.
If no:
Butt plug goblins.
They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.
- Way worse than your dog eating your homework

Mmmm, that's some fresh greentext too!
- So fresh it's still green
- Oh wow. I've never seen one this fresh!
  
  Funny, that's the same thing a stray cat said when it found that butt plug.
- Yeah it doesn't have the remnants of being compressed to .jpg over 1000 times over. Just doesn't have the same feeling with it though.
- Ambiguous. Could be September 3rd.
  
  And from the future apparently

It's another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

Do people actually do this?
- People aren't buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don't imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.
  
  Sorry, I thought the implication was that someone intentionally slept with one in. I don't know how you'd sleep like that.
- Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it's very possible it could be entirely made up lol
  
  "The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."
  Literally on 4chan as a header.
  
  Anything on 4chan I assume isn't real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.
  
  4chan makes me believe it more in this case
  
  Made up aaaaand?
- I've done it before
  
  And you'll do it again?
  
  May I ask why? No disrespect intended, just trying to understand.
- I do yea
- Mentally ill people perhaps
  
  You sleep with poop inside of you every night, hoping your muscles will save you, we are just being responsible.
  
  Prude

Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

i rate this greentext fake on scale of 1 to gay

A wizard did it.
- but anon's a wizard himself
  
  and then the doctor says "I can't operate on this wizard... he's my son!!"
  
  Anon is a Butt Wizard I think is what you meant

I dunno how exhausted or drunk you’d have to be to pass out with one of those things inserted. Seems like it’d feel like a turd half out and your body would prefer you deal with that and not fall asleep.
- Spoken like somebody who's never used a butt plug
  
  Yeah, that’s why I said “seems like” and not “when I do it (this) happens”.
  You do you.
- Nah good ones are pretty comfy and after a while if you don't cause it to shift you forget it's there
  
  Why are you even wearing one atp if you forget it’s there 🤣

Was getting in the way of the aliens probing anon
- some alien intern thought they forgot their probe in Anon, then when they got to their ship their boss was like "no that's not for us"

Have you checked for any holes in your wall? Maybe you coughed or sneezed while sleeping.
- Or if there are multiple holes in the walls shine a laser though the holes to get the butt plug trajectory.
  
  If there are multiple holes in the wall, find the one that was made for your buttplug.

butt plug tom strikes again

It's under the bed.

Aliens

Maybe a bird... Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it away together?

Anon ate too much hot sauce and it dissolved
- You only make the mistake of using a calcium carbonate buttplug once.

Perhaps Anon inserted it in a dream?

The chocolate buttplug

It was all a dream

Yeah sounds like fucknon here sucked it up his lil hole

I don’t want to guess

127 comments