Since America's namesake Amerigo Vespucci was an immigrant, what should the United States of America be renamed to? (no wrong answers)
Turtle Island
Hey now, I'm feeling attacked!
To the top with you
Trade names with the Gulf and become the United States of Mexico.
A not-insignificant amount of the USA was Mexico, at one time.
That’s just Mexico’s actual name
Yup
There's nothing united about it, other than maybe hatred towards minorities
other than maybe hatred towards minorities
dissents
There are dozens thousands of us!
New New Mexico and Old New Mexico
United States of Gulf & Mexico America
Stolidus
Your first it's is correct. It is Latin.
Your second it's should be its. The definition belongs to the word. But to be fair, I typed it correctly, and then just now had to go back and fix the autoincorrection. So that probably happened to you as well.
Whatever the Cherokee word for "stolen land" is.
Or, you know, the thousands of other languages that existed.
Sorry, distilling everything indigenous down to the Cherokee is a pet peeve of mine.
Wendigo
It’s an Algonquin cryptid / monster with an insatiable hunger for human flesh and a love of murder. Generally greedy and evil. Also known to smell bad.
Honors our native heritage and says something about our beloved country’s strength of character.
The more I read about it and learned about these stories as a kid from my parents and Elders ... the more I realize that it is also a metaphor or life lesson about who we are as people and humanity as a whole.
Wendigo in many legends was originally just a man or woman like you or me or anyone. They are infected or affected by a mysterious force and changed to become a hunter of people. Many of the legends talk about how Wendigo is basically just out hunting, doing things like a hunter does, tracking, following, hiding, creeping towards their prey ... but the prey are humans, people, families, children, etc. They are intelligent, speak, understand, communicate, can trick people but they can also be tricked, they can also be dumb, silly, wise or completely wild.
The metaphor is that we are all capable or prone to becoming infected with dark forces if we allow them and change us into beings that will take from others and even kill them to enrich ourselves or prolong our lives.
Many believe that Wendigos still live and prey on people all over the world ... but instead of hunting and preying on people in the forests and wilderness ... they live and work in corporations and governments.
Yeah, it’s definitely a powerful metaphor for greed. The image of something constantly starving, never satiated no matter how much it eats, miserable and ravenous and destructive is clearly not something to strive for. I was reading that in some legends Wendigo just grow in proportion to how much they consume, so they never feel less hungry, they just get bigger. Kinda reminds one of how corporations function, with a constant drive to acquire and grow, but they never reach a point of satisfaction, where they’re big enough. They just take and take as much as they’re capable of.
Now I need to go watch "Prey", again.
"It's just a prank, Han!"
Mountain Dew presents: Freedom Country - Brought to you by United Healthcare.
Way too credible
Given the religious fervor throughout its history, how about naming it after an ancient biblical region?
Transjordan?
Wait. Shit, that won't work, even Jordan's gone woke. Maybe something else in the region?
OH! How about Gilead!?
Except Transjordan isn't biblical. It's the region of Palestine that became The Kingdom of Jordan. As opposed to Cisjordan, which is the region that became Israel and the present Palestine.
But I don't think we're allowed to say cis anymore. /s
Sodom. From the story of Sodom & Gommorah, but I would choose the name based on a passage from Ezekiel.
"This was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy."
I grew up being taught that America was literally the "Whore of Babylon" from the Book of Revelation.
And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH. - Revelation 17:5
It was specifically said to be a prophecy about the United States and once you understood that, the rest of the story just clicked into place! I want to vomit just thinking back to that bullshit.
Yep, in classical biblical literature it's understood that the "sin of Sodom" was lack of social justice.
It's the Christian interpretation that made it primarily a sex thing.
OK hear me out: It should be named after the first European explorer to discover it and popularize the European expansion: Christopher Columbus.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you your new nation: British Columbia.
The world isn't ready for Mega BC
Listen. I know you said no wrong answers but unfortunately due to the past few decades of the American Political system, pretty much anything is now effectively accurate. Even such things as:
+2 for Yeehaw Reich
+1 for Methlehem
... but it also reminds of my personal favourite ... Alamabadan
DUM-FUCK-ISTAN. Fuck yeah!!!!
United States of Lee (after General Robert Lee)
New motto
All For Me and None For Thee
Hey now - why go with Lee when you could go with Forrest and celebrate the first leader of the KKK.
Also, much better statutes.
Never fight uphill, me boys!
Rename it to Mexico. Then the whole gulf of mexico situation is fixed.
A vast amount of it used to be Mexico.
Dumbfuckistan
Staties McStatyface
Oooh a contest to name the country, most votes wins!
I'll set up the 1-900 number, just $10 to submit your vote.
Dumbfuckistan
Serious answer: the Viking settlers named the land "Vinland" long before Columbus was even born. That name is of Germanic origin, same as the English language, and would be appropriate for settlers of Germanic origin (England, Germany, etc.)
Alternatively, a name in the a Native American language would be most appropriate given that they were the original inhabitants of the land.
A name in the Native American language
There is no single native American language. There are over 200 of them, and used to be around 300-400, in 57 different families and over two dozen completely isolated languages (which might not be, but it's hard to find out). And they'd likely be at the very least somewhat mutually culturally insensitive.
So that might be even more difficult than using English, which at least has the benefit of being popular now.
"OKLAHOMA", but in all caps because it's big now.
Needs at least two exclamation points on that thing; to properly imply scale. Add an extra one for each of the following territorial acquisitions: Canada and Greenland.
Coming soon, to a map near you: OKLAHOMA!!!!
Sounds a lot like Finland doesn't it? I believe if our name is on it then it's ours!
they were the original inhabitants of the land.
Nope. Third, apparently, and counting.
The pirates of yore were based on an old fraternity from the 1300s and before, that called this land - no lie - Merica.
what in gods name are you blathering about?
Dumbfuckistan
The Adjacent States of Denial
South Canada
South Canada.
Donald Trump’s Best, Biggest Country in the World, the Biggest, Juiciest Country there is, you know it, folks, No Illegals Allowed, No Fentanyl, All the Guns! And Covfefe!
Idiocracy
Formally: Jeb!
Informally: Jebland
Dialectical variant of English: Jeblish
Collective name for the people of Jebland: Jebanese
I’m kidding of course. We all know the process to rename the U.S. would be taken over by the wealthy and we’d wind up named HCH (Human Capital Holdings), LLC, a shell corporation/nation that is jointly owned by Blackrock, Vanguard, and State Street.
Jeb means "fuck" in some languages.
Even better
Please clap.
The Land of the Flee while you still can
“Vinland” is what the Vikings who discovered the land named it. Not a bad name.
Were I to name it today I’d pick some foreign language version of “The Land of Pulling Up the Ladder” or “The Land of Crabs in a Bucket”.
how about turkish, Yukarıya Çekilen Merdivenlerin Ülkesi (Land Of Pulling Up The Ladder)
Hank D. Hamburgers Electric Freedom Gun-Republic
Republuc llc
Brought to you by Carl’s Jr.
North Mexico
The incorporated states of Northern America ltd.
Clown Country
The United States of Moronica
no offense to actual morons intended
None taken.
The United States Inc. since that's all we are anyway....
United Corp.
I'm not even sure United applies anymore. I change my answer to The States Corp.
American States of Maga
And yes, it is infinitely recursive.
X
I'm partial to "Sideræl", myself.
Just got an image in my head of a map where it's just Xs dotted across the country titled X sandwiched between Canada and Mexico and the 'gulf of X (gulf of Mexico)'
"Just take interstate X southbound and get of at exit X towards X. If you see X you've give too far."
yes please
TwatWaffle McDunceland
The States of Northern Mexico
united states of fuck you, i got mine.
As Amerigo is the Italianized version of the German 'Emmerich', i'd call it like that.
Bonus is that there is a very unassuming German border town called thusly.
Divided States of Affairs
Han Dynasty would be funny, not least because it doesn’t solve the problem
There’s also the Prince joke “Land formally known as USA”
It's "formerly." Whether or not he wore a suit didn't change his legal name back from the symbol
United States of Native America
United Tribes of America
Just revert to using the old name: Vinland.
The only correct answer.
Fuckwitistan might be prudent after the russian takeover.
The United States of Whatever
I'm pretty sure that video just got posted recently in the new YouTubeClassics community.
Ozempia
“Yucatán”
Which means “the end of your finger” because the Spanish asked some folks what they were pointing at and they didn’t understand the question
Vespucciland
George Soros' United Commune of Mexifornia
The birth place of Jesus
That's so Utah.
Fascistan
Ignorancia
Corpoland
Gun-ited Steaks
RetroPolice, like metropolis but it's a reactionary police state
oligarchistan
Brawndoland
President Camacho would be a marked improvement.
Northern Lands of g.u.l.f. (= greedy unelected lying fascists)
Annual bidding by major corporations for the opportunity to rename the country each year, stadium style.
Let's go United States of Waste Management
Metastasized States of Meta
Wackoland