Should you trust that doctor?

Where's Dr. House?

Right? This is an invalid graph without Dr. House.
I hope OP doesn't have lupus
- It's never lupus
- Just figure House and McCoy occupy the same spot
Somewhere between top-right and top-middle depending on how revoked his license is at the given moment and how much vicodin he is on.
- Does the amount of vicodin he's using put him higher or lower on the graph?
Top right, about 20 feet outside the graph.
Calm down Cuddy.
And Doc Cottle
- I cannot believe he survived the whole series, seems like someone who should have died near the end of s3 just to add to the atmosphere of desperation.
Came here for this haha

No Dr. House?

And Oz should be right on top of the Run For Your Life because he’s not fictional and should know better.

Doctor House would be top right but partly because you wouldn't need to run very far.
- That depends on what drugs he's on
- true
Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil have done far more harm than Dr. Pepper could ever aspire to.
I would trust Hannibal Lector more than Oz, frankly.
- At least Lecter is honest about who he is!
House is basically overlapping McCoy
- Astoundly, McCoy has a better bedside manner.

I trust Doctor Pepper more than Phil.
Yeah Phil goes down and to the left. I’d say oz goes down a little bit too, but I’m glad the maker of this meme still put those guys in the right section.
Only just though
To be fair he said he didnt go to evil med school to be called mr evil. Keys eords being didnt go to med school
Approximately the phrase with which JD starts the Scrubs.

How in the heckin' is JD below a dwarf, a mad scientist tinkerer, and a random catchy band?

He is a caring, trained, and competent doctor who will put his pride and personal life aside to help a patient.

At some points he's arguably the best diagnostician at Sacred Heard.
He arrived late to thank his trashmen, ended up letting a patient die.
- He wasn’t to blame, though he easily could’ve been. That was death was the radiologist’s fault though, IIRC.
Given the same medical technology I would place JD the highest and furthest right.
Not just because I like the character but because he truly does give a shit about his patients.
- Dr. Strange should have more formal training for his surgery specialty. Did JD specialize or did he just stay in internal medicine?
He's too easily distracted by seeing Tirk.
- *u
But he did put a penny in the door.
- But not intentionally

Just goes to show, it’s a hard knock life

Dr. Who and Dr. Strange both have a shitload of training...

Oh yeah, Dr. Strange was literally one of the world's best surgeons, right?
- Yup, and Time Lords in general probably had several medical degrees worth of education.

How are Oz and Phil so high on this spectrum?

They haven't eaten human liver or tried pan frying a piece of someone's brain .... but they're still a couple of idiots that shouldn't be trusted for medical advice
- They may not be cannibals, but I wouldn't put it past them to have devoured a number of souls....

Where tf is dr house

This vexes me.
Seriously....him and Dr. Strange alone would all but garuentee your safety.
It's also inexplicably missing the coolest one (Dr Victor von Doom)
Off the top right.

For reference on the no training side:

Dr. Dre and Dr. Venture: Both possess honorary doctorates. The former from UCLA, the latter from a Tijuana community college.
Dr. Pepper: Charles T. Pepper did have a medical doctorate. He is cited as a possible source of the name.
Dr. Evil: Evil medical school.
Zoidberg: Claims he lost it in a volcano, more likely a art history degree.
Dr. Horrible: Likely physics though he claims Horribleness (though it could be a catchphrase.)
Dr. Seuss: Intended to get a Doctorate of Philosophy, got an honorary doctorate of Humane Letters.
The Doctor: Per This - While pretending to be the Doctor in an effort to save herself from an army of Cybermen, one of the planet’s deadliest enemies, in Death in Heaven, Clara said: ‘I don’t even really have a doctorate. Well Glasgow University, but then I accidentally graduated in the wrong century.’
Doc: Does become a doctor at Storybrooke hospital in a live action show, "Once Upon a Time", apparently not a surgeon though.
Spin Doctors: No doctors.

I feel like a fair amount of those on the trained side aren't medical doctors (Phil, Ock, Robotnik, Lector, Honeydew) or at the very least, aren't folks you'd want around for your heart attack.

Dr Strange being a professional surgeon and barely making it past the neutral mark on the qualification axis seems, well, a bit strange
- I'd put Strange ahead of McCoy. What is McCoy going to do without his Tricorder? He'd rant,
  "They used to hand-cut and sew people like garments. Needles and sutures."
- I agree he should be a little farther right, but his origin story is all about how his injury specifically prevented him from doing surgery anymore. Plus some iterations of him with the time stone might not have thought about medicine in hundreds of years. His magic also seems to not be healing focused. So I kinda get why he is under qualified comparatively
Dr. Pepper: Charles T. Pepper did have a medical doctorate. He is cited as a possible source of the name.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_T._Pepper#/media/File:Dr_Pepper_trade_mark_1910.jpg
"Dr Pepper the King of beverages"
jeez, way to gild the lilly. Pick one , either Doctor or King, there's no need to be an audacious Dr King.
- "It's the MLK Jr. of beverages!"
  (FBI agents hate it.)
Dr. Zoidberg also has mail order degrees in murderology and murderonomy

Isn’t/wasn’t Dr. Strange a surgeon?

yes, but his hands broke in an accident. Not sure how good he is with his hands on medical equipment/psychically controlling medical tools
- The meme references training, not physical ability. Strange should arguably be overlaid on Bones.
- I thought he willed himself back to full dexterity, but I also didn’t really pay attention to the movie, to be fair.

Some unsolicited comments on this:

I would absolutely trade Dr. Bunsen Honeydew with Dr. Mario.
The Dr. Pepper position is just pure slander.
Dr. Horrible and Doogie Howser, MD is the true duality of humanity.
Zoidberg is suspiciously much higher along the Y-axis than I would personally prefer.
Dr. Dre, like I would forget, is absolutely a quadrant II candidate. There's just no way I'd put Spin Doctors high along the Y-axis than Dre.

Dr. Strange is a fully trained surgeon. He should be farther to the right!
- Not just fully trained, but at the top of his field and possessing an MD and a PhD! He should be at the far right edge!
- Also... I think he brought some mother fuckers back from the dead. And he helped reverse the snap.
  That sounds like he's probably got a solid defense against any complaints made to the state board.
I’m glad you didn’t forget about Dre… or Double-Doctor E as we call him in the hospital.

Doctor Evil didn't go to Evil Medical School for six years to be put in the section with no training, thank you very much!

Dr Oz and Dr Phil are not doctors and should be to the left and south of Dr Pepper. Neither has a license and both are so full of shit their advice has probably killed people.

Oz is a Doctor, and was a very good one who got corrupted in his aim for fame and fortune. Part of his tragedy is that if he'd shut up and just do his actual doctor work only he'd be a benefit to society, not the detriment he is now. It's important to know that he's worse because he had actual skill as a heart surgeon. Quoting wiki:
In 1982, he received his undergraduate degree in biology magna cum laude[3] at Harvard University.[31] ... In 1986, he obtained MD and MBA degrees from the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine[30] and Penn's Wharton School.[34][35]
Edit: also, as far as I can tell, still performing heart surgeries, so should still be licensed. Still a piece of shit who should stick to surgeries. Lots of people good at 1 thing think they're geniuses at everything.
- After hearing the pure stupidity that comes out of his mouth I wouldn't let that fruitcake supplement salesman near me.

Why is Doctor Strange to the left of JD from Scrubs? Isn't he a world renown surgeon or something? Does that count for less because he hasn't had medical practice lately?

Not to mention less formal training than Dr. Quinn? At least he’s studied modern medicine and has specialty years after surgery residency.
- I'll be honest, I don't recognize that character. What are they from?
If I had to guess it's because JD is more of a general physician. Strange was a neurosurgeon before the accident that crippled his hands and led him to study the Mystic Arts. So not only can he not perform surgery anymore without magic but if he was working on you, then you were pretty much in life or death territory anyway.
Dr. Strange had his injury in 1963, he probably went through medical school in the 1950's and has been studying magic, not medicine ever since. His techniques and knowledge are extremely out of date.
Probably the same reason Zoidberg is considered to be on the same level of medical competence as Dr. Dre (Zoidberg literally doesn't know human anatomy), and a higher one than Dr. Pepper (Which is genuinely responsible for less death than Zoidberg is), and Dr. Evil (Went to Evil Medical School)
And even then all of these people are probably better doctors than Doc, the dwarf who lived back in the days when washing your hands was considered a "Rookie mistake no self-respecting gentleman in the medical profession would ever make"
And the Medical Profession consisted of people wearing scary crow masks who just spread disease around and kill people, fully believing that disease was caused by not saying "Bless you" when someone sneezes

There is no way Dr. Mario has any training. He just throws random pills at the problems hoping that they line up and do something other than cause an overdose.

Bruh… that’s literally what doctoring is now. Got the hurt? Pain pills. Got the sad? SSRIs. Got two, three, four sets of titties? Ozempic!
Dr Phil is also no longer legally a doctor.

Dr. Zoidberg is a fully-qualified medical doctor, though, and a good one at that. Just not for humans. Even so, he's quite good, given that he hasn't killed any of his human patients, though they may come out a little different.

As is Doctor Who, who has high qualifications in literally everything. It took them a few goes, but they got there in the end.

"I've probably lost more patients than he's ever treated."
Didn't Zoidberg once successfully attach Fry's head to Amy's body (or something like that)? Not sure any of the others on that chart have done something that impressive.
That said, how much do you trust your life with Dr. Who? I've seen many characters die while trusting him, and that's just the ones on screen.
I'm not saying he is a bad doctor, but he was caught on film losing several sidekicks/ allies. If you're caught on film doing something, you probably do it a lot.
"If you get caught doing crack on the news, you are a crackhead. It's not like a "oh this was just the one time" situation. You do it enough you get caught on the news doing it." -Josh Johnson
Edit: just looked for an answer of what the mortality rate is for the Doctor and it's 42% according to a reddit question. At some point the authorities would be called in because 42% is more than just a "licence revoked" number.

This Dr. Pepper libel will not stand.

Hear hear!

Having The Doctor at the top is a little strange, because hanging with the doctor could very well mean your death, but it will be worth it.

And does he actually have no formal training? You’d think at some stretch of his life he actually became accredited somewhere. Possible on multiple planets.
- It's a tad out of date, but the Second Doctor claims he received a medical degree after studying under Joseph Lister in 1888.
I would put him the same level as an abusive husband he will probably protect you with his life but you will suffer every moment you are with him and he will eventually be the cause of your death.
- Yes but your death will also result in The Doctor saving a highly populated and benevolent spaceship/city/country/civilisation/planet/solar system/multi system commonwealth/galactic empire/inter galactic multi reality or indeed the whole Universe both multiversal and singular.
  Or your death will result in The Doctor defeating a malevolent spaceship/city/country/civilisation/planet/solar system/multi system commonwealth/galactic empire/inter galactic multi reality or indeed the whole Universe both multiversal and singular.
  So worth it really.

Dr. Robotnik is more trustworthy than Phil tbh, but I suppose context matters.

He'll amputate your limbs but replace them with fairly functional robot parts?
Phil is less likely to outright kill you himself.
- No but he would try to scam and gaslight me or exploit me in some other manner. If the setting is a regular checkup I'll trust Robotnik more. Ah, but the chart explicitly says trusting life with and not livelihood so I guess you've got me there.

Zoidberg should be lower.

Nonsense! Zoidberg's a fine physician. For Aliens. Your mistake is being human!
- Ok. Touché
He has a doctorate in art, I believe
He's got future technology, though.
- And his human biology chart is upside down. What of it?
I love how he's the only one not called Dr. On this chart.

I would trust J.D. with my life way over Dr. Seuss.

J.D. is a fool, but he's also a really good doctor.

Depends on which season. Are you extrapolating current JD? Or can we pick season 1 JD, where he has a lot of knowledge, but very little experience, and wasn't a very good doctor yet?
- SO'S YOUR FACE!
He's also not a racist!
- Of course not! He's Vanilla Bear to Turk's Chocolate Bear!
  ^(We ^don't ^discuss ^Caramel ^Bear.)

I feel like Zoidberg should be a lot lower.

Zoidberg once heard Fry say blood was thicker than water and wrote down: "Blood...thicker!"
Nonsense! He's been taking humans apart for years. He can rearrange your body parts into any order you want.
wtf i looked 3 times and didnt see him, i thought you were joking. this meme was a fun idea but the execution sucks

Top right corner, there's a Collage Humor watermark.

It explains why this is so inaccurate

No Doctor Nick..?

HI, EVERYBODY!
- Hello Dr Nick!

The more anyone looks at this, the worse it gets.

Someone needs to fix this. But not me, I don't have my doctorate in memeology yet.

NPH making the list TWICE!? Truly we live in the best timeline.

In opposing corners no less

Dr. Phil has training that's a shock?
Bro I'd trust Dr. Pepper more than a lot of people on this list

I'd gladly trust drinking a Dr pepper over anything to do with Dr Phil or Dr oz

THANK YOU. Why is Dr. Pepper the absolute lowest you can go on this chart, lower than Dr. Evil lol
I don't even like Dr Pepper and I'd rather drink a six pack than watch either of those assholes.

Trying to figure out where Dr Doom would fit. Supposedly he does have a doctorate but it came from Latveria so could be a bit... biased

DOOM has no need for your silly meme graphs!

Where’s Dr. Hunter S.Thompson? Where’s Dr. Nick?

Hunter is dead center

The Doctor is only on “TRUST WITH YOUR LIFE” as long as you aren't messing with (or have ever attempted to mess with) humans or other people they care about... otherwise they're on “RUN, RUN VERY FAR”.

You don't want to be an incidental character when The Doctor is about.
- You also don't want to be his companion...you're best off jumping to a different reality and getting far away from London.

Zoidberg has an MD, should at least be right of center.

And I don't think Doc Oc or Robitnik have medical degrees. PhD, but not medical.

As far as I know Zoidberg heavily insinuates his degree was faked/bought.
- Dang it, you're technically correct. The best kind of correct.
  I just looked it up on Fandom and they concur, although he possibly has a doctorate in art history.

You should probably switch Zoidberg with Dr. Pepper.

You've got Doc Ock but no Doc Doom?

No film experience yet.

Ah, the late, great Hannibal Lecter.

I should trust Zoidberg more than Dr. Phil?

Technically zoidberg should be further right on the training axis than everyone else on it combined, He's literally the best doctor in the universe for every single species other than humans.
Yes even though Zoidberg is a fictional doctor he is ten times the doctor as that quack phil.

I'm just happy to see someone remembers the Spin Doctors.

One...two princes kneel before you.
One has diamonds in his pockets and never lies. The other wants to buy you rockets and never tells the truth.
What is the one question you could ask of only one of the princes to learn what a prince and lover ought to be so that your father won't eat his hat and disown you?

Excuse me! Dr Pepper should be an absolute top left corner candidate.

You're missing Dr. Zhivago, Dr. Kevorkian and Dr. Shipman.

I'd trust Kevorkian, but only if I'm ready to die.
- Kevorkian wouldn't have dreamt of hurting a person who he hadn't made 100% sure was a candidate for assisted suicide. And that was not an easy thing for him to decide.
  He seemed like an extremely principled man.

Dwarf Doc isn't a medical doctor, that's just his nickname. He's a drug connection.

I'm curious what the rankings of all the star trek doctors would be.

Like for competence, would Flox (sp?) or EMH top the list?

Or for charisma, would it be Flox or Bashir?

For not taking shit EMH or Bones?

Closest with the captain, Bones or Crusher?

Most victim of the writers, Pulaski or Fitzgerald? (First one at least got a season but the second one didn't even get an actor)

I think Dr. Honeydew needs to be a little bit lower. Something about him just seems... Dangerous.

Depends if you're his assistant or not.

Wait, Robotnik has a medical degree?!

The scale goes from "No professional training" to "Doctorate in Medicine."
So to be on the far right you need to be an MD, but having a different doctorate will still be above "no professional training"
It's a weird scale.
Also, it's wrong. Dr Horrible has a PhD in Horribleness, and Doctor Zoidberg has a doctorate in Art History.
- Dr. Evil should be much further to the right.
  He did not spend 8 years at Evil Medical School to get called Mr.
No he has a doctorate in mechanical engineering and a masters in cloning. I dont know if this is true but it fits.
He has a PhD in Women's Studies.

Why isn't Dr Mike on here?

I thinki. Could trust Dr Dre a bit more than what you're saying I should.

Why don't you ask Dee Barnes...
I feel like Dre is a smart guy, he could figure out how to do a tracheotomy.

Dr Quinn any day.

Ah, I see there was no room to include Janet Doctor Scott Janet Brad Rocky Bullwinkle.

Where is House MD?

Adding Dr. Lizardo to the missing doctors list.

Laugh while you can, monkey boy.

Buckaroo Bonzai reference. I love you.

Phil and Venture at the same level of trust is rough but true.

Oh wait...Dr. Oz, I don't trust him.
He let his license lapse several years ago, though, and the last decade or so before that, he didn't even practice. He just went on TV to hawk snake oil and designed equipment.

"Dr" Bubs is in Quadrant III. He's the most quackinest.

Hannibal goes at the top-right if you're not rude.

No Doc Holliday?

*Hannibal Lecter

But what about Doctor Detroit, then? And Doctor Strangelove?

When did the cat in the hat become his creator?

Why is Dr Oz in the bottom right corner? Havent seen his show in a while

Update: https://www.thelist.com/1580619/whatever-happened-to-dr-oz/