what if instead of hexbear it was specsbear and it was exactly the same but the logo was wearing some cute little glasses
yknow changing my outfit every time i lost in mahjong soul was getting me a great winning record but it is just super not working this morning ._.
my meds are here! now i can go back to being anxious about... everything else 
gonna be trying out co-op elden ring with a friend soon! otherwise daily stuff in ffxiv and mahjong soul will be sucking up all my time o_o;
anxiety, dysphoria
hate when i'm waiting for my meds to get delivered, gives me like a creeping undergrowth of anxiety constantly prodding at the back of my brain. i've been diy for long enough now i know they'll get here, i know i'm not gonna run out, but every time i take my meds i'm like compulsively counting pills and it's like there's a blaring countdown playing in my head - " 13 12 11 10 days until your soul gets ripped out again." really gotta get a pcp again, even just dealing with this once every few months is too much.
very mild injury mention
rediscovering the joy of model making (accidentally knifing myself when my hand slips while struggling to do a conversion i thought was gonna be fun and easy)
don't worry the glue on my fingers sealed the cut up immediately -_-;
i thought i was really gonna miss having gargantuan pockets when i moved to more femme clothing, but honestly i love having a silly little handbag so much.
i've got my fingers crossed that it'll somehow end up with some kind of a switcheroo and canada ends up annexing the us, and then at least there's health care probably.
up with trans
down with cis
i knew i was cooked when 0 wasn't shorts and tshirt weather anymore
getting compliments on my look in ffxiv is perhaps more euphoric to me than is reasonable
it's a miracle druids in fantasy settings ever get anything done. why are they running around doing all sorts of things when they could just turn into a bear and chill?
i really like fruity teas, there are good blackberry and raspberry ones!
family stuff
family's christmas party was today. it went really well! i had been very nervous, the last time we had gotten together my mother had a lot of trouble with my name and misgendering, but we had A Talk about it and she really seems to have taken it to heart and didn't deadname or misgender me once today! i also got to give my sister's wonderful cats many pets. seems i was nervous for nothing o_o;
fwiw
i've only been here for like a week so it'd be ridiculous for me to expect to already feel or be ingrained in the space... but i definitely feel the not really knowing how to proceed. both off and online social bonds and connections always just kinda happened around me, i kinda just got pulled in by proximity, so i also don't really feel i ever got those skills of building new bonds. the reason i'm here is because i don't really have community elsewhere in a time where i really need it. i never ever really did reddit or tumblr or anywhere else so the ecosystem as a whole is kinda foreign to me, or what i'm even expecting here. i just kinda post and hope i'm maybe helpful or not interrupting and maybe i won't eternally exude that I'm New Here o_o;
idk if i have a point... maybe like, not really understanding where or how to fit in in a space, even if your brain is maybe like "you should belong and feel safe in this space," isn't a crazy feeling? it's an okay feeling to have?
idk if that's helpful or even cogent at all... feeling like a drifting rando solidarity i guess? o_o;
