Adult daughter. Should I disown her!?

It's your fault, accept the shame and teach her.

She loaded it, but poorly. Which is a vast improvement on my wifes not loading it at all.

1. Thank your daughter for helping you with chores.
2. Bring her to the mess and let her see it for herself.
3. Kindly ask her why she thinks it turned out that way.
4. Ask her what she thinks she can do avoid this kind of thing next time. (This is your opportunity to explain to her how to do things.)
5. Kindly ask her to do it again, correctly. (Consider doing it together)
6. Tell her she’s awesome for helping out, and that you really appreciate it.

Never be angry. Be patient and supportive. Don’t let frustration escalate.

OP admitting to not teaching their kid how to do dishes.

You only have yourself to blame. You raised her, but clearly not better than this.

But who taught her to load the dish washer?

My daughter is not an adult, she's a teenager. But it's her job to put away the dishes. And no matter what I do, she can't understand that, in the silverware drawer, THE BIG SPOONS GO IN THE BIG SPOON SLOT AND THE LITTLE SPOONS GO IN THE LITTLE SPOON SLOT!

And she thinks this is acceptable.

I understand the compulsion to disown.

Many dishwashers will clean all of that fine, in my experience. The annoying part is the cups or bowls that may fill with water, just make sure they’re upside down.

As far as scraping or rinsing things…. Nah. Haven’t done it since I worked in food service and saw what dishwashers could do. Some stuff needs scraped, sure, but most will come off under the detergent and hot water.

She's trying, and she's already got the concept of "concave side down" so you need to acknowledge that. Moving on, "water sprays from the center" and "similar shapes share space" are good concepts to add. She can't exactly do "Don't crowd" because there are just too many here. But she's fully grasped "you can always rerun anything that doesn't come clean the first time."

Believe it or not, jail.

Does the machine result in clean dishes? If yes, all good. If not, she dumb, u dumb. You built her

These are the kinds of people who go on the Internet and claim that dishwashers don't work very well.

She's from group B. Group A loads correctly. Group B does this stuff on purpose so we in group A will just stop letting them screw this up and they no longer have to load it.

You clearly failed as a parent.

Am I married to your daughter?

This honestly looks fine. (Assuming this is before the dishwasher has run). There's not like solid chunks of food or anything just the actual stuff that you own a dishwasher to wash off for you so you don't have to. The configuration of the dishes is haphazard and chaotic but if you want to fit a lot of dishes it usually ends up that way. The cup and cup like vessels not being upside down is a problem but for the most part things are upside down or on their side as they should be. I want the dishwasher to wash dishes for me not the other way around. If you get the occasional dish after a cycle that hasn't completely cleaned you have to wash it yourself, which sucks, but that doesn't always happen so there's a reasonable chance you won't have to, and when it does happen, it's still way cleaner than it was so you're talking a cursory fix up of very few dishes. I'd take that over rinsing each and every one every time or having to hand wash half the load when there's a lot of dishes in service of a neater stacking configuration that's optimal but less space efficient.

Jon Richardson would probably say yes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ymh8o6GI_g&t=3

Or just educate her.

This comment section is saucier than OP’s dirty dishwasher!

Throw it away and make a new one

Man your daughter is lucky, I don't even have a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher. I used to have one, but then we moved house.

In the end it doesn't matter how it's stacked so long as they come out clean - don't forget to fill the prewash section with powder, it helps immensely.

You have brought shame on your bloodline with your failed attempts at raising a child.

I swear, the people obsessed with enforcing one right way to do... everything.

It looks exhausting. I feel kind of bad for them and when they start rearranging other people's work I always think of this sad lil raccoon for some reason:

I live in a dry climate and very tightly meter my water usage and running the dishwasher twice uses less water than doing it once by hand unless I am extremely careful and use a single basin of water and a rag to rinse. That takes longer and is extremely annoying to do.

Where problem?

Believe it or not its the opposite for me. I help take care of my elderly parents keep them independent and they both do this. I am compelled to physically take dishes out and rearrange them to reclaim like a second loads worth of wasted space. Some days I'm also tempted to disown them!

That'll show her...

Make her clean those dishes manually. "Daughter, meet sponge, soap and faucet."

This triggers me in so many ways.

If you think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk, you might be a redneck.

-Jeff Foxworthy

Just teach her about gravity. Dont feel bad - for a lot of people it’s not the first priority.

Lets just say I wouldn't eat her cooking

You could always just kill her and eat her organs.

What’s wrong?

My wife refused the dishwasher for months after moving in. Hand wash only.

"It is not clean."

Fuck I know. Maybe they don't have good ones in the Philippines? Still trying to deprogram the "tradwife" out of her. 😂 But now she uses it! And sometimes allows me to do our dishes!

She needs mandatory wife training so her future husband does not suffer. /S

I'm not like that but sometimes I throw two or three things on top of everything and everything gets clean. My only problem with her organization is it's not efficient, the machine would hold double the amount of dishes

Nah my mom does the same thing and tells me im wrong. Some people are just tornadoes.

I remember my first time loading a dishwasher 😂

Maybe she never used a dishwasher and has only done dishes manually heretofore?

Sir/maam, you've raised a Psychopath.

This thread is full of clearly basement dwelling non parents. So many AKctually it hurts from laughing.

Okay not sure about this based on on the other responses but...sure why not, so here goes:

"It looks like you already have".:-P

My adult step-kid can’t even think to put something in the dishwasher without being asked, so it could be worse?

Some of y'all need this video. Enjoy.

I’m shitty at housework but thankfully my parents never thought of disowning me…that I know of.

My almost adult son once tried to convince me that dishwashers work better when the dishes aren't rinsed first.

Exactly the people.who should be made to do manual.labor

Arranging dishes in the dishwasher neatly is only for when there are a lot of dishes that wouldn't fit otherwise. If there are only a couple of dishes, then it's whatever, as long as they get clean, it doesn't matter.

I would encourage you to be more considerate: your daughter is an adult, with her own thoughts and feelings, and her own family. If I were her, I would certainly not appreciate if one of my parent tried to shame me in front of strangers on the Internet over how I load my dishes and threatening to disown me for it, even "as a joke".

Why are you on Lemmy asking children for parenting advice? Seems like most responses are blaming you as if an adult needs to be taught something as rudimentary as loading a dishwasher. Simple solution, box up all the plates, cups, silverware. Replace with disposable stuff

Don't blame the parent... Kids don't do anything when they know someone else will fix it for them.

Once I moved out, I magically had to do everything myself, and my parents were shocked that I actually kept my house clean, lol