I swear everyday some HR dipshit comes up with a new made up desktop program to make stupid graphs that they require you be fluent in. WHAT THE FUCK IS "TABLEAU" I'M GONNA KILL YOU

And 9 times out of 10 your boss will still ask for it to be done in Excel anyway

Tableau, Qlik, Fabric, Power BI, oh my...

Capitalist efficiency, a dozen products that all do the same thing badly

Me, an underpaid hourly worker who cannot attend company outings anymore because I was forced to move 3 hours away from the office due to the fact that they refuse to pay me more:

Can we please buy Evernote if every piece of information about anything across our entire corporate platform is stored in some random notebook or note that inevitably gets lost or otherwise deleted like once every year when you fire the hourly employee who created the notebook & no one realizes?? I personally have like almost 1,000 individual notes in one notebook for stuff that I had to figure out on my own and I'd like to not see the "please buy" popup everytime I open it to reference something.

My higher paid boss: No

But we can buy Guru, which is similar enough but completely lacks any personal features or notebooks, and to top it off - we'll have the coworker who recommended it to me steal all the notes you personally wrote for your own use/referencing and reupload them to Guru for EVERYONE to have.

I worked at a place that used the Teamwork app to manage projects. Pretty simple, useful to-do list.
I'd literally just go in there and see a list of tasks people requested of me, organized by what day I needed to have shit done. As they would add stuff, they could see if I had a lot of stuff already due. And you'd see all the shit you did, checked off. Actually pretty satisfying, felt a bit like a (boring) video game.
We switched to JIRA.
JIRA.
The boss was so fucking stoked about it. He thought we'd get really accurate work estimates out of it. And that's what it was designed around- not to help give important information to us, but for us to give information to management.
No personal to-do features. Just hunting through fucking bullshit to find out if you had to do anything. Hunting back through shit once you did it, filling all these fucking text fields, hunting every time for "project type" to also properly categorize what you did. Realizing you forgot something on a previous screen, and having to X out of the one you finally filled out, and having to add some fucking field and then re-enter everything all over again. And let me restate, when someone wanted something, you COULDNT TELL. It had a notification feed, but the feed was literally filled with notifications that somebody created a task for someone else, that they added a start date for someone else, an end date for someone else, added a type, added a description, added hours, added this and that. The widgets created by Jira to solve this problem couldn't even handle the volume of projects and would, for instance, pick a random 99 items to check out of however many you were allowed to see.
We went form spending 3 or 4 hours a week plugging shit into Teamwork and some other app, to spending NEARLY TWO ENTIRE DAYS A WEEK FUCKING WITH JIRA
They eventually asked us to LOG the TIME spent IN JIRA and 2 weeks later they actually completely gave up on Jira. We just completely stopped tracking our work.
- Hunting back through shit once you did it, filling all these fucking text fields, hunting every time for "project type" to also properly categorize what you did. Realizing you forgot something on a previous screen, and having to X out of the one you finally filled out, and having to add some fucking field and then re-enter everything all over again. And let me restate, when someone wanted something, you COULDNT TELL. It had a notification feed, but the feed was literally filled with notifications that somebody created a task for someone else, that they added a start date for someone else, an end date for someone else, added a type, added a description, added hours, added this and that. The widgets created by Jira to solve this problem couldn't even handle the volume of projects and would, for instance, pick a random 99 items to check out of however many you were allowed to see.
  We switched from JIRA to Azure like a year ago for ticketing and I actually miss it lmao. ADO is this but 100x worse in my experience.
  They eventually asked us to LOG the TIME spent IN JIRA and 2 weeks later they actually completely gave up on Jira. We just completely stopped tracking our work.
  They were planning a pivot to Salesforce where they'd do the exact same thing again you just didn't see the VISION
- My company does use Jira for arranging tasks into my list and for me to finish them and log time on them, but it works well for me, so maybe they put in the effort to set it up better for me. IDK /shrug
  Unfortunately the whole company is moving to Azure thingies and everything in Azure is SHIT it's actually SO DOGSHIT and missing all the features I rely on. If they ever put the Jira stuff in Azure I'll probably quit. Unfortunate cause the people there are nice. Thankfully Jira seems untouched for now. :yikes:
Review time - we don't see you doing all the extra work your
co-workers do. Yes you do your job but because you don't
we're going to mark you down on your reviews and say you have a bad attitude. Why you no enjoy?
- Manager who sits in pointless meetings from 7am-3pm daily and collects their salary: You're an integral part of the team - thanks for everything you do, like write copy at the last minute for our new product when I frantically message you and the other competent underpaid people on your team on slack and ask who wants to 'help' me with a project. (literal thing that has happened to me - and no I was not even a part of the fucking marketing department)
  Same manager but after you bring up the fact that they promoted someone who you literally trained when they were hired & still get asked questions weekly by, but you haven't seen any promotion or raise in 5 years: We had to promote them because they're taking on additional duties as part of the project they helped out with. You never seem to volunteer but I'd definitely recommend doing so, since that's the best way to move into a new position!!

My work uses Tableau. It's a data visualization program, so you can present live data on dashboards, instead of creating weekly powerpoints. My work still creates powerpoints.

tableau is so mind-numbingly slow at my work that it is only useful for generating images for my powerpoints

I remember one job, we used some project mgmt took called Wrike.

WORST NAME EVER HOLY SHIT

New slur!
i know these programs and like them... how much of a part of the problem am i...?
- class traitor detected.
- Eh.
  I just can't believe they thought of that name for it and didn't stop to go "hey...wait a minute..."
How can we market our bullshit software we stole from our college buddy but gave them no credit and no shares? There's a dozen of these thing out there. How about this - our digital turd will make people "Like Work".

What if we combine the words somehow? Work...like...work..Liork..Werk....Twerk....no no...Wrike..holy shit I'm a genius!
Gonna be real awkward when version 3 comes out

Thank God I only use excel if I had to learn a new program I would do a unabomber

How can we repackage the same training about the same topic, but make it seem like an "updated" version so people will continue to pay us or make it seem like I did something new?

Here"s a graph. Here's a "new phrase / acronym". Here's a new shape! Look at all the hard work I do!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tableau_Software

American interactive data visualization software company focused on business intelligence. It was founded in 2003 in Mountain View, California, and is currently headquartered in Seattle, Washington. In 2019 the company was acquired by Salesforce for $15.7 billion. At the time, this was the largest acquisition by Salesforce (a leader in the CRM field) since its foundation  It was later surpassed by Salesforce's acquisition of Slack.

So an extremely over priced, now outdated fancy Excel sheet generator? $15.7 Billion? How? And then it's made moot by Slack a few years later? Hey Salesforce - if you're just tossing bilions around for a fart I got some

graphs for ya

Someone wasted a shit ton of your company's money for

"not good" bullshit. And now you all have to endure it to show that HR monkey waste of company money is justified.

Boss probably golfs with a salesforce rep that bought him a hooker
15.7 billion dollars for excel
Slack surpassed it in value, but they are completely unrelated products.

Lmao excellent

WTF is RingCentral, just use Zoom like a normal person

I had to install a new not-Zoom web conference software on my work pc for literally one meeting and now it opens automatically every day 🙃

Unless you specifically make dashboards, Tableau isn't really necessary for you to know. Like I have Tableau on my resume, but most of the time I'll just make sure the guys that make the dashboards have a clean dataset that refreshes on reliable intervals. Do some tutorials, and get familiar with how data importing works and the basics of Tableau (there should be specific interview questions online), but unless you're specifically doing dashboarding you don't need to know too much.

Hell, even if you do dashboarding chances are people will ignore your dashboard and ask you to create a powerpoint or a deck with the visualizations lmao.

oh wow wow hold on, Tableau is paid
These fucking dipshits pretend me to know how to use a stupid paid gizmo that does a fraction of what I can do in R you fucking idiots I'm gonna get La Chancla
- Yeah, my resume right now is Python + SQL (does everything for my job) and a dozen pieces of expensive software that my boss insists we must make use of.