Challenge accepted

That's an awful lot of Dakotas. Also, Ohio really ought to be renamed Ohno.
- And no Howoming, Whatoming, Wheroming, or Whooming, missed opportunities.

Ohno
- That’s my favorite. Plus, the way it can be read as “Ohenno” or Oh hell no. Columbia on the West Coast is also a neat idea, considering that Columbia was the manufactured goddess designed to be an avatar for American greatness, before we got the Statue of Liberty. Columbia still has a big statue on top of the Capitol building in DC that never gets mentioned.

This map freaks me out and I don't know why.
- Because everything you know is wrong, nothing is real, nothing matters, have a panic attack, you deserve it!

It took me way too long to realize he added States not just mislabeled them.
- Me too, it's better this way than the original

Kansas, Akansas, Arkansas was clever my guy. How would you pronounce Akansas tho? A-kansahh? Akansahh? A-Kansas? Akansas? Ahkansas? Ah-kansahh?

I did a couple of cartography classes in college and I can say this is 100% correct.

I have to say I prefer New Mexico A and New Mexico B. It's poetic justice, as the Eastern border of New Mexico was drawn by a drunken surveyor from TX, so we're just getting back what was ours. Take a look at the map, and the history, strange, but true. Also Tennessee and Elevenessee are made for each other.
- Many residents of Kentessee would love to change the name to Elevennessee, but that's been found extremely exclusive by the former Kentucky residents who were lumped into the state upon its creation.

Columbia should be Jefferson. Alternatively Columbia could be Oregon, then Oregon becomes Columbia. Cascadia would also be appropriate for either.
- Oooo, you're right. I originally had (north–south) Washington → Columbia → Oregon but then realized that Oregon's shape was second and so lazily swapped the two names. Cool to know!
- I'd also like to offer Moregon or Oreagain

Why are there so many Mexicos?? The Mexicos are multiplying, you guys. We're about to be overrun.
- You didn't build the wall fast enough, all the Mexicos illegally came through the border and became states.

I had a college professor who absolutely would have handed something like this out as a pop quiz.
- This map made me think that I'd love to teach US history and just drop this map on a bunch of 16yos.
  "You must label all the states, I won't answer any questions."
  And just wait for the first WTFs

Almost perfect! Of course Akansas should be Nebrahoma. Rookie mistake, but great work otherwise! Gold star

I like how it has both Arkansas and Arkansas
- The northern one has no r.
  
  My blind ass. I guess we're stuck with the incorrectly pronounced Arkansas and a cheap knockoff

"Texas"
Well that's a very generous description based on the current discourse of personal freedoms being violated

I think we could make it easier for many by drawing a diagonal line from the top of Columbia on the west coast to Louisiana in the south east and just label the whole area "Old Mexico".
Then when people start yelling at you go back to where you came from or learn to speak American they can return to Europe where their ancestors were born...