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LinkedinLunatics @sh.itjust.works

frippa @lemmy.ml

2y ago

NSFL

70 comments

It's excellent satire
“I love posting satirical stories to LinkedIn (almost as a hobby now) because no one expects jokes on a ‘professional’ social network,” he said.
Today.com - Man posts about cooking chicken in a hotel’s coffee pot — and the internet exploded
- Now I'm curious. Would this actually work? Just how hot does that heating plate get?
  
  Here's the problem: a coffee pot gets hotter when there's water going through it.
  The same heating element that warms the bottom of the carafe also heats a small section of tubing meant to boil water. This, along with a simple check valve, forms a bubble pump, which is how the hot water gets up to the coffee grounds.
  There's a thermal switch that allows full power when that coil of water is below a certain temperature, and when it gets hotter than that, it switches to a lower power mode, because with no water to boil, all it needs to do is keep the carafe warm. I don't have the numbers in front of me but I doubt it would get hot enough to properly cook chicken.
  
  I mean, you can cook a chicken by slapping it.....
  
  It reminded me of this vid my buddy posted in discord the other day. 🤢
  https://twitter.com/betcheswildin/status/1711055716054683931?s=46
  
  It boils stuff so at least 212*F. You’d need a lot of time to cook it.
  You could boil it I guess. Boiled chicken isn’t TOO bad.
  
  Looks like it hits at least ~170^oF, so you could slow cook tiny meals in it.

If charging dinner to the company is going to tank your P&L, you've got much bigger things to worry about. And no, they ain't going to promote you because you saved them $30.
- They're not going to promote you specifically because you thought cooking chicken in a coffee maker was a good idea.
  Although, I guess you could kinda sorta do sous vide in one of you had the chicken in a sealed bag.
  
  I read this in the voice of Dennis Reynolds.
  
  Just hope you don’t destroy the coffee machine and pay back the hotel for repairs, that’s gonna cost you more than dinner.
  
  Heavy emphasis on sorta
  
  Generally I find the people who go all out (not overboard) on expenses get promoted before people who don’t. Shows a level of confidence that most management likes.
- oh it will! Will be promoted to dead employee

Guys, this is satire. And old, the guy posted it for comedy some time ago. Not seeing anyone calling this out, so just FYI. No need to get angry over this.

When the grind makes you risk food poisoning...

Pretty obvious this was satire.

Fuck this noise. I will use whatever I’m allowed to my advantage. Work trips are like mini vacations I don’t have to pay for.
- I got a $45 food stipend for lunch once. My lunch cost $30 (it was lunch AND dinner) and then tipped the restaurant $15.
  I'm using 100% of it.
- I expense my cocaine and hookers.
  
  I work for the state so I haven’t figured this part out yet. I’m open to suggestions 😀

Do we really have to make a new label because of him?

Meanwhile I eat $30 meals when I'm traveling for work.
- I don’t get to travel for work but schedule my biweekly telehealth therapy appointments for midday.
  Boss makes a dollar; I make a dime. I talk to my shrink on company time.
- Where do you find $30 meals? Mine are all $60+
  
  I gotta submit my expensing for review, so I gotta keep it somewhat realistic or they'll deny.

Enjoy your salmonella.
- That's chicken, not salmon.
  /s
  
  The chicken of the river, and sea

I saw a YouTube video of a guy cooking a steak by wrapping it in aluminum foil and putting the hotel iron on top. But an iron gets a lot hotter than that warming plate, plus beef is less bad to eat undercooked.
- This would probably work fine, it might be a bit slow, but a coffee pot gets plenty hot to cook chicken. My main concern would be the lack of fluid increases the chances that pot breaks.
  
  The hot plate 100% has a safety switch that turns it off at a couple degrees above boiling. So it won't break but it also won't sufficiently cook the chicken with pieces this large...
  
  Sous vide then?
  
  "Chunky" chicken soup in a can just costs a couple dollars, you could try heating that in a coffee pot. Add some fresh cherry tomatoes and canned fruit and you have a good meal.
- I've made grilled cheese like this before. Works decently.

In my experience, in the white collar world, corporates really don't think twice about paying for this stuff.* In fact, they'd really prefer that you just use the company card instead of blasting stupid bullshit like this on social or making yourself sick. This person's boss probably thinks they're fucking insane.
*If you're blue collar, you can usually get fucked. If they do much as buy you a Costco hotdog and soda, they're going to complain and hold it over your head. Little Caeser's hot-n-ready pizza is the definition of spoiling your workforce in that world.

When the company gets billed for replacing the coffee maker every time you stay at a hotel they will do something other than promote.
- Super double promote?
  
  Exactly.

A friend who is an airline pilot once told me one of the stewardesses made hamburgers on the hotel room iron, to safe money. They actually get an allowance to eat at the location, still she did that. So stingy.
- Steamed Hams.
- And then I wonder why the hotel room iron is all kinds of fucked up.
  
  Hamberder gunk
- They get paid a set amount every day for food, regardless of what they get. If you are getting a flat rate $50 per diem for food, it makes financial sense to eat cheap and pocket thr difference.
  
  There’s eating cheap and then there’s making hamburgers using an iron in a hotel room cheap
- An allowance sounds more like something added to their paycheck, rather than something they expensed. If that was the case, and they got to take home the allowance... well, heck. Ten bucks is ten bucks.

How to say you have crippling social anxiety without saying you have crippling social anxiety
- Then they should order delivery or something. Food poisoning is not the answer.
  Yeah, dealing with the delivery guy might be unpleasant, but paramedics and the hospital staff will be MUCH worse.
  
  Food poisoning would be the crippling part.

I'd fire him for being mentally unbalanced, with this post as my hard proof.

Dude, your company does not care in you in the slightest. ALWAYS take corporations and the government for every cent you can legally claw out of them. Because they will screw you over as hard as they can the second they feel like they can make more money and get away with it.

This guy is management material. Which is to say, he is a dipshit.

I never ate as much sushi as I did while travelling. Expenses are there so you can focus on doing the work.

Nobody will remember them saving a few bucks. What they will remember are the sick days when this moron isn’t in the office.

What a psychopath.

Can clearly see the Salmonella grinning from inside of that...enclosure..

The Gervais Principle has labeled them as "clueless"
That is straight up Michael Scott doing business travel.

70 comments