And then the fire nation attacked

It very much felt like he was scared I would get hooked on stimulants

Do you mind telling me what age she was? My wife is suffering severely with mental health but will not see a psychiatrist. I suspect perimenopause. She does see a therapist.

I am not diagnosed either and I too have managed my life somewhat okayish so far because I have some really good people around me, but at the same time I know A LOT of ADHDers irl and they are all very different both when it comes to severity of their symptoms and what types of symptoms they have.

What is somewhat manageable to me is impossible to others and what others are able to do, I am unable to myself.

I know high functioning ADHDers and I know severe cases where their symptoms are so bad, even when on medication, that they will never be able to function in society.

If I may compare, you and I may be partially blind. It is definitely enough to affect us in our daily lives. At least it is for me. But we are able to manage and somewhat navigate the world and we can still see shapes and colors, just very out of focus.

What you're essentially doing with your post is asking someone who was born without eyes to see as well as you do. "Just get some glasses. It worked for me."

But they are blind, bro. They don't have eyes. Both of you are blind, but blindness is on a spectrum, just like ADHD is.

I never considered that what I was dealing with could be ADHD because the ADHDers I had known up until that point were the severe cases and they never got any better. Some of them didn't try at all while others really did their best and yet they still failed constantly.

I'm relatively good at hiding my failings so people don't notice unless they are paying attention. But I still fail almost daily despite having tried all types of organizing systems, scolding myself into getting my shit together and establishing this and that routine. I always fail. I keep trying, but I will never be able to get good at having structure in my life no matter how much I want it. I can see shapes and colors, but I cannot read you that sign over there. No matter how much I try, I just can't.

Have you considered the possibility that you don't have ADHD or that your symptoms are on the very mild side? You clearly have no understanding of executive dysfunction.

Never formally diagnosed lol.

Your experience isn't everyone's experience, and judging people who struggle more helps no one. I was medicated as a teenager, grew out of it, then suddenly got whacked over the head by it coming back in my late twenties. Medication has helped, and I've learned a lot of tricks to manage it, but the fact that I have to work twice as hard or more to do basic things that other people do without thinking means it clearly is a disability. I'm also autistic and I feel far more disabled by my ADHD than my autism.

Don't cut yourself on that edge.

It's not that we think we have zero responsibility or whatever - it's that, as you described, we put in a lot of effort to find coping mechanisms and management strategies, and then people like this cut-rate psych point to the results of that effort and say 'See, it's gone!' It's not gone, you dingbat, we have to manage it and it takes a lot of work, and maybe it would be nice - just once - to get some recognition for all that work we're doing rather than pretending the problem doesn't exist any more.

Well, guess they need to be diagnosed for LBD (Low Bandwidth Disorder).

And then start berating everyone who doesn't care about the small stuff, instead of letting them say that we are "overreacting", just because we realise that, under different conditions, ignoring some of that stuff could cause bigger problems.

Well, minds are difficult, patterns are easy.
Not all doctors are going to do it the hard way, same as not all people (encompassing all professions) do it the hard way.

I was picturing that exact thing in my head but didn’t get around to making it. Thank you.

I'm still doing physical labor, but I think neurotypical people would go crazy with my schedule. I don't know what days I'm working sometimes until two days before. I don't even know where in the country I'll be next week. I thrive in the chaos and the physical work, but I can't keep it up forever. Freelance contractor for IT work.

Anxiety is a heaven sent for the Bill Paying Problem.

I've set up workarounds in my own life. Elsewhere in this thread there's people talking about forgetting to pay bills, versus bill pay. That's what I've done (and in some instances, have reminders on my phone set up to periodically remind me to do the things that can't be automated).

I've also steered my social relationships and my career to be more accommodating of my brain. I'm with a wife who doesn't mind (and in some ways finds it endearing), and can help me fill in some gaps. I have a career where jumping around from topic to topic helps me seem well rounded, and where occasionally showing how I've done a deep dive into something persuades my colleagues that I've got great attention to detail (I do, but only on some things).

My ADHD might be the same as it's always been, but my life has been set up so that it's all low consequences. The guardrails and safety nets are in place, and I can just be.

I only got diagnosed because I was at the hospital for something else, and the local specialist noticed something was off with my behaviour. (I was there for a little while, to be fair.)

As an adult, navigating anything administrative is a nightmare.

I self diagnosed before getting my formal diagnosis from a doctor. I was a hard yes to like 30 of the 32 signs of adult ADHD in Driven to Distraction.

At some point it's kinda a relief to realize that other people are going through the same stuff as you, and start therapy and treatment that are actually catered to your needs since you've already tried a million other things and nothing has worked.

And yeah everybody struggles with executive function and attention sometimes. But like, we all bleed when we're cut, doesn't mean haemophilia is fake.