Skip Navigation
chat @hexbear.net
Angel [any] @hexbear.net

I'm kind of in a "people pleasing" mindset about a person that I find hard to keep it up with, and I'm having a "What if I just silently blocked" solution in my mind now

11 comments

  • I feel, sadly, that it's often the women in these men's lives that do all the emotional labour and walk them through through all their bad opinions. I knew a few men like this, and it's always their wives, partners, sisters, or mum that are gently nudging them away from their terrible reactionary ideas. Some of these same men I'll debate and criticise, spending literal hours untangling their brainworms, but I wouldn't go anywhere without the women in their lives who are doing 99% of the work.

    Obviously this is totally unfair and shit. Men need to step up and do more of this labour. Also it would be nice if men read more theory, so as to not be such shitty comrades and make their loved ones work so damn much on them.

    I do vibe with him when we talk about veganism, but every other subject seems to be absolutely just blegh.

    This is definitely a thing. I have this situation with lots of left acquaintances. Great on worker stuff, silly about veganism. Amazing on Palestine, bad on class consciousness.

    Also, I'm thinking of reaching out to the girl he's trying to rizz up and giving somewhat of a warning.

    I'm OK with this. Potentially she could be deep in a relationship before she discovers his brainworms.

    • walk them through through all their bad opinions

      Me in my early 20s. While I'm grateful to the people that helped me see where I was being shitty, it was never their responsibility.

      • Samsies, tbh. One of those people who spent 20+ hours with me in my teens is nice mildly famous, with a lovely family. And frankly, I feel like she deserves it.

  • Honestly, if you've been talking to them more than a few days/weeks, I'd give them the common dignity of confrontation as opposed to blocking.

    1. You could point them in the right direction; if they are good on veganism maybe they aren't hopeless?
    2. Blocking them opens you up to weird, unexpected confrontation later (assuming you frequent some similar spaces) - I think it's better for you to keep things on your terms.
    3. You get the answers you seek.

    I also echo the comment saying that tipping a person off about this person is OK to do, just be honest/accurate rather than fear-monger.

  • I had a dude in my friend group who seemed like a very promising & radicalizable radlib at first. We disagreed with things for a few years but I always felt like I was just about to make a breakthrough.

    Eventually, it clicked that I wasn't actually making any progress. This guy just lived for confrontation. He'd always play along just enough to keep the "discussion" going. Any time I wasn't around, he'd spout completely reactionary bullshit. Every time I met one of his friends, they were right wingers. I burnt years of effort on a hopeless cause, and all I got to show for it was a big blow-up at the end when I finally snapped, and a thoroughly fractured friend group since the libs were okay with the "Just Asking Questions" "devil's advocate" bullshit since he was generally friendly and has a nice partner.

    If this dude is hiding his beliefs, he's being manipulative. He knows he has unacceptable views, he's sticking to them, and he's not actually trying to improve or self-crit. You're right, this is a negative peace.

    • Update: I went ahead and did the blocking.

      I did it straight-up ghosting style; I didn't want to waste my energy trying to confront him, especially since this guy knows some other reactionary vegans and I don't want him to do like a whole drama thing by telling them, especially since I'm a Black trans communist vegan.

11 comments