2d ago

Kristi Noem orders lie detector tests to snuff out DHS leaks

www.thedailybeast.com Kristi Noem Orders Lie Detector Tests to Snuff Out DHS Leaks

Donald Trump’s homeland security secretary fears her department has an enemy within, apparently.

Summary

Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem has ordered lie detector tests for DHS staff to identify leaks that allegedly foiled immigration raids, including a failed Colorado operation targeting Venezuelan gang members.

The directive, leaked to Bloomberg, requires polygraph questions about unauthorized communications with media and nonprofits. Despite polygraphs' unreliability, DHS insists they are necessary for national security.

The crackdown follows frustration from Trump’s border czar Tom Homan over compromised raids and aligns with broader MAGA-era efforts to control government communication.

72 comments

Dhs should take the classes the inventor of the lie detector offers on how to beat it

Despite polygraphs' unreliability, DHS insists they are necessary for national security.
in keeping with tradition, “national security” continues to mean “because i say so”.

People like her are dumb enough to believe "lie detector" tests are completely dependable and always print out perfectly clear "lie" and "not lie" results. Everyone else knows polygraph tests are inadmissible in court for a reason and require a lot of careful prep and interpretation. Even then, they're far from 100%.

Daily reminder that there's no such thing as an accurate lie detector test. Completely unscientific. Illegal to use except by government and it's basically a scare tactic/way to deny/fire people they don't have other cause for.
- Ah, you have half of it.
  Totally made up metrics but used by govt. Meaning that if there was ever an easy way to purge ICE and DHS of brown people, this is an easy, no fuss way to do it.

If the lie detectors don't work, torture is always an option.
Do we call them the Gestapo yet or is it too soon?
- Lie detectors don’t work except as an intimidation technique so, yes, it’s Gestapo time.
  
  They work great...
  At detecting how nervous someone is.
  Just completely shut at detecting when someone's lying.
- Lie detectors are known to not work
- That's gazpacho! - Empty G.
  
  Or Despacito

I reckon she’s also somewhat leaky.
- What are the odds of her submitting to a test?
  
  Zero.

Why is Noem wearing a bulletproof vest in a staff meeting?
- Realistic assessment of the mood of people forced to be around her?
  
  Honestly ya may not be far off, humans even profligates like those in Trumps orbit have a generally good enough ability to detect when folks are pissed at them. When said pissed folks have access to weapons, are more intelligent than you, and probably think what you are saying is beyond stupid then well wearing a comfort vest is probably the only thing keeping her from booking it out of the room.
  
  Maybe ICE ordered a bunch of pizza the night before and the delivery kid tipped people off.
  
  It's a thing about the nervous systems of old world primates, like us, we're always making those assessments.
- She's LARPing.
  
  Which is why she's ordered the lie detectors. They only know what they see in the movies, and lie detectors are one of their favorite devices.
- Cuz she’s a bitch and she expects what she did to that dog
- She’s a very serious person with very serious things going on! /s
  She’s worried someone will put her down like she did her dog
  
  and her 3 horses. she has a natural fear of gravel pits, or any dugout pits.
- You ever seen the dictator warlords constantly wearing miliary gear with too much polish and a thousand made up medals?
  That's why.
- Funniest thing about that is they only help in an all-out fire fight to protect your vital bits except the head which would have a helmet. She’s not going into any situation nearly so dangerous and if someone wanted to take her out, specifically, there’s plenty of options.
  She might as well have a mall ninja sword strapped to her back.
  
  She might as well have a mall ninja sword strapped to her back.
  If we get nothing else from this shitshow, let it be this.
- She wants to feel special
- maybe animals lovers might not like her.

What's the betting that this is the result of indiscreet dick waving from more MAGA centred members of staff?

Just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it. - George Costanza
- It's a lie if the person interpreting the test says it is.
- The card said moops

Oooh, when do we get to deploy the E-Meters?
- I have a device to sell to the DHS: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ADE_651
- I’m going to sell divining rods to help find the immigrants.
- I'm holding out for the testicle electrodes.

It should be pretty common knowledge that lie detector tests are completely bogus and can't be trusted. They're not admissible in court cases. Polygraph tests are proven to be made up pseudoscience.
They might as well try using crystal pendulum tests to dowse out the national security threats.
- I want to point out - the results are inadmissible, but anything you say IS admissable.
  A polygraph is an interrogation technique. And to this day I still don't know why they try to use it with so many things. Like security clearance. It doesn't really give them any insight into anything about you, other than if you like to run your mouth

All the kings horses
and all the kings men
Couldn’t make Americans think
cops were bad again

- Meanwhile, I've told the absolute truth and failed. Polygraphs are dumb as shit.
  
  Polygraphs terrify me, I've never had to do one, but I know I'm always holding in huge waves of anxiety and paranoia. Which you know is all lie detector tests do, is read signs of nervousness. Hence they have a high false positive amoung people who are anxious and are completely unable to detect anything on psychopaths and people with strong emotional control (as well as those who have learned tricks to game the system... (IE methods to make symptoms show stronger on the baseline questions so that you can lessen them on questions you are lying during).
  
  I’m pretty sure I’d fail one. I have some issues if I get interrogated I just look guilty I guess.
- Polygraphs are a tool for interrogations. It cannot detect lies. You can easily get around them, just read The Lie Behind The Lie Detector.

Gucci just needs to come out with bullet proof vests. They won’t work for shit, but all the republican women will buy one.

“This isn’t a game,” Homan raged to the Associated Press. “We know that TDA is dangerous. Everybody can agree to that, but when they get a heads-up that we are coming, it’s only a matter of time before our officers are ambushed. Their job is dangerous enough. So we are going to address this very seriously.”
I don't think that leaking this is a good idea, but come on. If gangs find out in advance that they're about to be raided, are they going to disappear or seriously voluntarily going to stay and have a shootout with DHS?
Like, this can certainly mess up investigations, but I have a pretty hard time believing that it's going to get DHS agents killed.

I for one am very excited and sleep soundly now, knowing complete idiots are in control of the United States.

She gets her training and ideas from episodes of NCIS and CSI... and their neverending variants.
- "Enhance. Enhance."
  "Ma'am, images don't work that w-"
  "YOU'RE NOT ENHANCING!"
- “What do you mean we don’t have cameras on every angle?”
  America is saved again by surveillance, tune in next week

I like that her directive to combat leaking was itself leaked.

That is the single most ridiculous picture I've seen all week.
And that's saying something.

They’d be just as successful using a ouija board.
- What makes you think they want to successful? They probably already identified their scapegoat, and just want to add a veneer of “proof”
- As long as they got their Luigi board from a witch, or a vegan.
  
  Period question mark

Just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it. - George Costanza

Just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it. - George Costanza

It was me.

what's next, ouija boards?
- Maybe they can try crystals, or magnets.
  Ooo! OOO! Photograph their aura!

It's the dogs... Specifically puppies that aren't "acting right"... They're "leaking"...
Good thing she has experience dealing with bad dogs.
🤦‍♀️🫏🤡🖕🖕

Is thedailybeastcom considered a reputable news source?
To snuff out is to kill; usually murder. Did the author mean sniff out?
- I think it’s meant to “snuff out” as in “kill” the leaks, not necessarily the perpetrators. Like, we’re gonna do this to end the leaks. The wording is somewhat awkward and questionable, but not necessarily incorrect. Snuff out is used to refer to extinguishing candles, so it’s not unheard of to use it in contexts other than ending human lives.
  
  I see your line of thinking, but let's also remember that polygraphs wouldn't end leaks even if they really were lie detectors. The most they could do in that fictional scenario would be to reveal the leaks; to sniff them out. To snuff them out would require some additional, separate action.
  Also snuff out applies to candles only because the snuff is literally part of a candle's wick. The phrase is not being used literally here, which leaves us with the common non-literal meaning: to murder.
  I still think the most charitable interpretation is that author confused it with sniff out, and failed to consider the grisly meaning of what they wrote.

Scientology taught me that lie detectors are fake. We should use E Meters instead

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