1d ago

Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover

theonion.com Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover

WASHINGTON—Rebuking President Trump’s decision to pardon Jan. 6 rioters, Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) staunchly vowed this week to continue falling down stairs in the face of an apparent fascist takeover. “I can no longer physically stand upright for a party that excuses a violent insurrection that t...

25 comments

He's still in Congress so clearly he's not falling down enough of them.

He's like 80% corpse.
- 15% dog shit mixed with beetle and other bug parts.

Falling down the stairs is probably the least harmful thing he's done in his political career.
- That's not fair, the stairs didn't deserve to get jump scared by his face

When your expected death is celebrated rather than mourned. You lead a shit life.
Jerry fallwell Rush Limbaugh and Pat robinson come to mind. Im glad those fuckers are dead. I'm waiting for dennis pragurs back injury to go south.
- Not soon enough. Should have been 10+ years ago. His refusal to confirm the supreme court pick probably fucked us for decades.

The Onion has been firing on all cylinders today.
- The Onion doesn’t have to aim to hit anything anymore.
  
  The good news is everything is a hit. The bad news is the entire Battleship board is covered by your opponent.
- Today? They've been amazing for like.....30 years or more.

All I see when I look at this guy is the Pale Man from Pans Labyrinth
- A movie where they were terrorized by nazis, no less.

Falling down the stairs is the only time he's risen in political popularity.
- I would vote for him if he promised to continually fall down stairs.
  
  Just stay down!

We NEED to Follow in his Footsteps! Everyone FALL DOWN STAIRS!
-The DNC!
- It's the only thing that will protect us from the Terrible Secret of Space.