[CW: Sexual Assault, CSA] There Is No Safe Word: How the best-selling fantasy author Neil Gaiman hid the darkest parts of himself for decades.
[CW: Sexual Assault, CSA] There Is No Safe Word: How the best-selling fantasy author Neil Gaiman hid the darkest parts of himself for decades.
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Holy shit Gaiman and Palmer should both be in prison.
Also can I kink shame for a minute? It's messed up to feel the need to "possess" or "own" someone else. If that's your kink, maybe you should work on that, and view ppl as autonomous and worthy of respect, not as objects that exist solely in relation to how much control you have over them.
I think it's more the tendency of abusers to find language and culture to hide in, from religion to (pseudo) science, liberal Feminism, therapy speak etc.
There's actually a dom gap because of the amount of effort that goes into being a good active partner in bdsm. It's like being a DM playing out a scenario or situation.
But I'm also happy if we shut down all cishet maledoms until we fix this patriarchy situation.
There's actually a dom gap because of the amount of effort that goes into being a good active partner in bdsm. It's like being a DM playing out a scenario or situation.
My wife was a professional dom in another life before we met, and she talks about this a lot. People think it's just easy because all you have to do is treat the sub like a servant, but it's (according to her) really hard to do well. Coming up with a scene that's safe, respectful, and fun for everyone involved is work, and people who don't know what they're doing (or don't care about anything beyond their own satisfaction) can really fuck things up.
There's actually a dom gap because of the amount of effort that goes into being a good active partner in bdsm.
Absolutely right. It's one of the reasons I have to vet potential sub partners carefully. I'm very tired of doing all the planning work only to have someone flake at the last minute. I'm long done with casual hookups. Especially the "discreet" crowd.
It's like being a DM playing out a scenario or situation.
Oh my god it totally is, I never thought about it that way.
And you don't even need to change the name! Dungeon master/mistress
Whoa, let's not get carried away! I don't want friends and family to know I'm into any of that weird stuff. I can't imagine trying to look any of them in the eye when they know all about how I'm into that depraved passtime, keeping tight control of others in a dark room late at night, making them bend to my will.
I'm fine with them knowing about my kinky sex life though.
Huh, just week ago one of my friends told me the joke:
What BDSM and D&D have in common? Never enough dungeon masters.
I think he wanted to suggest something to me but i'm long past playing D&D and he won't make me go back. I also told him he's a filthy revisionist because no way i'm getting into weird theory combinations like Bakunin-Deng-Stalin-Mao syncretism.
Maybe it's Bukharin-Deng-Stalin-Marx?
Being into the appearance or roleplay of someone being owned by you is not the same as actually wanting the thing itself. Unfortunately I bet a lot of people with the latter pretends it's the former, mostly men
It's messed up to feel the need to "possess" or "own" someone else.
Speaking as an experienced dom, I fully agree. I never understood the 24/7 thing. I want my play partners to be FWBs with a heavy emphasis on the F part. Outside of sessions (with all the proper safe/sane/consensual aspects) I prefer to treat them as equals. Criteria #1 on my mental checklist of a potential partner is "Are they an independent adult who has experience being an independent adult?"
roles can be fun to try on, like costume parties they can let us express parts of ourselves or try being someone else in a safe and fun environment. I'd run screaming from someone who thought that play relationships should exist outside of that.