Black Teenager Sentenced to Life Without Possibility of Parole After Making Hush Money Payments to Stormy Daniels

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

“The nature of your crimes and abuse of power displayed in covering them up represents an unforgivable betrayal of the public trust and indicates a total impossibility of reform,” declared Merchan during the sentencing. “It has been proven beyond doubt that you offered Ms. Daniels $40 and some Burger King to keep your tryst ‘on the DL,’ so as not to jeopardize your chances of a shift supervisor promotion and $2 per hour raise at an Amazon warehouse. It is my hope that this sentencing will show the American people that such a lack of ethics will not be tolerated in the lower-mid echelons of our nation’s great privatized shipping and receiving companies, may God have mercy on your soul.”

Is this a parody site? There is no way this kid is going to prison for life over 40 bucks and some burger king.