2mo ago

Do you have a toxic boss?

I was reading some articles and wow, just wow, they hit hard. I've almost never not had toxic bosses, except one who I absolutely adored (but he lost his own job, not being willing to suck up appropriately), and yet lately I haven't realized how bad my current situation has been!:-(

A not comprehensive listing could include:

one who yells at people, both to their face and all the more so behind their backs, especially their own bosses
highlights your weaknesses but ignores your strengths and also their own mistakes
fails to tell you what they expect from you or give you the info you need to do the job yet expects you to magically fulfill their desires regardless
is unrealistic, probably also disregarding work+life balance
uses micromanagement or a culture of fear/intimidation; all communication with others must go to through them, possibly not even letting you listen in on the sidelines
will not accept feedback or criticism
takes credit for people's work, especially when they don't even understand what it is
says hurtful/rude things, manipulative like the rules keep changing and you have no idea whatever is going on, basically lacks empathy
plays favorites for people who suck up rather than actually are good at their tasks

Probably you can add to this list - these are just the ones my current boss does alone, but surely there are more?

How do you survive it? Personally I've been trying to bide my time to heal from emotional scars, so just doing whatever I can to get through each day/week.

18 comments

I’ve been lucky enough to never have a toxic boss, but my wife has had quite a few in her day. She had a boss once write her up on her birthday which I found so needlessly mean. The guy actually looked like Peter Pettigrew which I found really fitting. Eat a dick, Glen!

I'm in a similar situation, and I'm wondering if I should get my resume together. I'd probably have to take a paycut at another job, but the amount disrespect at my current one is getting out of hand.
- I would argue (even though I haven't done it myself for a few years:-) that you should always have your resume together, just in case.
  If nothing else, it will help make you feel less anxiety if anything were to happen.
  And I would - and have - take(n) a pay cut in return for quality of life like that. It goes a little like: how much do people pay for a gym membership, or a doctor (physical) or therapist (ha! I mean assuming money were no object I suppose) to deal with the fall-out? Long-term it should be well worth it, imho.
  My problem is that my gamble did not pay off, as I was forcibly transferred to someone else after being hired. Then again, if you get a good or bad gut feeling about a job before you jump ship, it should usually help? And even if you are not offered a job after an interview, the experience alone (either newly gained for a young person or keeping those skills sharp for an experienced one) is likely worthwhile.

Yes, but I also work for myself, and am the only employee.
- I feel that. Don't kick yourself too much.

I've gotten lucky to have mostly decent bosses. Once you find one, you stick with them.
Unfortunately, the way most businesses are set up results in promoting toxic people. The "good ones" will always eventually hit a point where their integrity forces them out of their position (as was the case with your one good boss).

I have had 2 toxic ones and am currently with a great one. The amount of stress that I lost when I found my current gig lowered my blood pressure by 20 points... Don't stick sround for that shit. Get your resume together and find somewhere else. It is not worth your health.
- So much this. I’ve had some toxic bosses over the years and they are absolutely NOT worth your time or energy. Life is entirely too short for that nonsense. Work for people who make you look forward to and excited about your craft, whatever that is.
- I left a toxic boss about 1.5-2 years ago. I was using a home BP cuff to record my BP and such on doc's orders, both before and after a #FuckItImOut day.
  Showing my now former peers the difference in test results and how immediately and starkly it changed, that was really great.

I've had a few good bosses but most of them I would say were toxic.

No, my boss is far from toxic. He's pretty cool. He could be a little better at acknowledging accomplishments instead of always jumping right to risks, but he's a good enough boss.

Being self employed, I have the most unsympathetic clod, who does not work sometimes, and then yells at me demanding I work overtime for free to make up for stuff he did not do.
I may talk to myself in the mirror sometimes too

I've had relatively good direct managers, and absolutely everyone above those have always been the kinda people you'd hear stories about getting killed and none of the witnesses saying it even happened. It only gets worse the higher up you go too.

I have overall been pretty lucky. I have had some pretty great bosses and ones that weren't great were not bad by and large. Might be on a bad day and I know their bosses were not as good as them. Two exceptions. One I called the funnel. All he did was pour things down from on high but would not related any problems to those above him. When you brought up issues he just parroted whatever the most recent talking point from above him was. Another was a guy who owned the company. Curiously the boss I had before was great but he acted as a buffer and when he quit the owner figured he could save money by taking on his responsibilities rather than replacing him. His cheapness was the issue. He was great at spending money with clients to make it look like spend was high but would nickel and dime everything that was not visible. My previous boss had a relationship with him and could get him to see reason. I could not. Ultimately when another guy left and his project work was no were to be found (do to this guy getting rid of all sorts of backend stuff) he wanted me to take the fall. One of the only times I was fired and still the most pissed off I have been about a job.

I've overall had pretty good bosses, partially because that's something that I prioritize. My last boss at my old job was probably the worst boss I've had, which wasn't really his fault. The company was churning through a lot of people, and I had two good bosses quit. The third guy was a junior worker who switched over to management track, and was just really inexperienced and didn't really get guidance. The first two bosses there knew when upper management was doing something stupid and would push back, but the last guy didn't have the confidence or experience to do that.
I survived it by job hopping, which I would recommend in general. If you've got a career job you're probably leaving money on the table by not switching jobs periodically, and if you don't have a career job you shouldn't care about work anyways because it won't love you back.

Hardly ever had a crappy boss. One of my last ones should never have been moved to management though. One of the most intelligent and tech capable people I've ever met. That doesn't usually translate into management skill.

18 comments