These are the most boomercore couches ever.

These couches are hostile furnishings for the home. Designed with a center console that acts as a physical barrier between you and The Wife™. Complete with cup holders, motorized reclining action, and a storage compartment where you can keep your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition collection.

There is no space on this couch for any form of physical intimacy.

53 comments

Yeah, but when you go from “reclined” mode to “so far back your feet are above your head like in a dentist’s chair” mode, you start to feel like these boomers are onto something.
- I'm convinced you only get this kind of innovation through decades of neglect. Lazy boy is in the business of selling you chairs that make you feel like you're back in the womb.

If you can fuck in a car, you can fuck on this sofa
- If you can fuck in a car, you can fuck this sofa.
- If your the kind of guy who fucks in a car, you can't afford these couches, nor would you want to, far better couches for fucking on. This couch was designed by sexless foot ball watchers. They were designed for kings of queens. For Raymonds who everyone loves. There is no big bang theory in this house. Just desperate house wives living on love island, an ocean and two cup holders between them and their spouse.
  
  This couch was designed by sexless foot ball watches. They were designed for kings of queens. For Raymond who everyone loves. There is no big bang theory in this house. Just desperate house wives living on loves island, an ocean and two cup holders between them and their spouse.
  This is great poetry
  even works as a site tagline.
  
  If your the kind of guy who fucks in a car, you can't afford these couches, nor would you want to,
  DON'T PRESUME MY FINANCIAL STATUS BECAUSE I LIKE FUCKING IN CARS
- But you wont

That’s not a couch, that’s two recliners glued together.
- Under capitalism there is endless innovation, it is a constantly evolving material continuum where all forms and functions exist in infinite combination, such that all manor of objects exist for even the most esoteric desires. In this endless realm of possibility a lay person may see only two recliners, while the ever scheming mind of the capitalist sees a new and alluring product. In the grand tradition of the Native Americans before him, the capitalist leaves no peace of the "animal" unused, gluing two underperforming reclining chairs together in a fever pitched moment of true innovative expression, to the wonder and amazement of droves of consumers. A feat yet to be accomplished in the desolate streets of Moscow.

something something foucalt's boomerang for hostile architecture
- Patriarchy manifest as home decor. Its social relations manifest in the realm of the real to reinforce it's rules through luxurious relaxation. The "we sleep in separate beds and it saved our marriage" of "love seats". There is a deep irony here that love seat is the form designation given to this ritual torture device.
  
  Boy oh boy if you think couches are a barrier to intimacy then try having kids.

So comfy looking though
- They are very comfy. They have to be to fill the void left by absence of love in your fifty year marriage.

This is going to blow your mind but you can get one of these where it extends out into a full couch
- I like how there's the special seat that's separate from the rest
  
  That's dads seat. Don't mess with it.
  
  That is "the good chair"
  https://youtu.be/rmIQlmHTI60
- if the second seat from the right and the second from the left recline and push their leg rests out at the same time, will they smash into each other and break and/or flip the whole couch over backwards?
  
  Look you can't have fun without a little danger
  
  do you think we should got back to the Ottomans? the dreaded turk hates recliners
- This is for those John and Kate + 8 "families".

this is a couch for bros. youre supposed to game or sports with a bro in one of these.
- But what if you want to cuddle with a bro
  
  That's what the bed is for

they are conceptually tacky but I secretly covet how comfy they are

man i really just want a nice couch
not having a couch sucks
- I'm convinced that there's no such thing as a nice couch any more. I have 2 'nice' couches that are the most uncomfortable things to sit on. We spent a lot of money on them but after less than a year they just turned to crap. If you find something nice, let me know where.
  
  Probably gotta' thrift and maybe reupholster an old couch at this point. Or maybe there's some business/hotel ones that are still built to last and cost a lot.

Napper Crapper 9000. Everything you need to never leave the couch again.
- I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
  yewtu.be
  inv.nadeko.net
  yt.artemislena.eu
  piped.video

yeah the most boring people I know have these.
- This is exactly it. People who watch the local news at five and the evening news at six. People who only buy an Xbox for FIFA. People who have kids but can't remember their birthdays. People who have no passions about anything.

I went to a furniture clearance store ages ago that was just wall to wall these. It was super funny.

These couches are bourgeois decadence

Apart from the Wife™ separator though, it does look really soft
- It is the devils bargain. You only get this level of comfort by betting physically separated from your partner. Innovation in isolation.
  
  You say that, but while I may feel an increase in discomfort when my partner invades my sofa space for a hug, I never fall asleep so soundly and happily as when she’s there. Better than any bed.

These do suck for cuddling but they're good for movie night with pizza.

Just looking at these give me back pain

I have one of these without the Wife Separator, and 100% bougie as hell but really comfy and suitable for snuggling as long as you co-ordinate the recline. Do not attempt Advanced Snuggling (or leaping up to answer the door) with the recliner fully out as it will tip over.