2mo ago

I don't know what to do about work tomorrow

Today at work I was flipping some burgers as usual when a coworker yelled out to me "how to spell occupation" for some reason. She shouldn't have even been on her phone and I don't know why she asked me of all people to spell 'occupation' and why she needed to use that word in the first place is beyond me but that's not important.

I tried to sound it out I just didn't know how to spell it. There were like a bunch of other people they were all watching. I just broke down in tears then and there and ran to the bathroom. It was so embarrassing. I left like 3 hours early as I just couldn't take being there anymore. I can't stop thinking about it. I made myself look so stupid in front of everyone. I know I have to go back there soon but I can't handle the humiliation and + I'm going to be in trouble with the boss for leaving early. I really don't know what to do.

Update: I told my boss that somebody asked how to spell something and I didn't know how to so I got emotional and left. He was understanding but told me never to do it again. Seems like everything is ok, right? Well, he asked me who was on her phone and I told him so now I think that girl got into trouble and now my coworkers are mad at me for being a snitch. FUCK. MY. LIFE.

42 comments

In 12 months, will this be a big deal? Probably not, so don't risk your job over it (IMO).
"Sorry boss, had a rough day, couldn't concentrate and a simple question threw me off my game. I know I left you in a bad place short handed, and I'll do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again."
If a coworker brings it up:
"Just had a rough day, not something I really want to talk about. Anyway, what did you get into last night?"
Everyone, and I mean everyone, has been where you are in some way, shape, or form. It's OK, and you'll be OK, too.
- Everyone has been in that space, and to OP’s credit, some folks react in a much worse way.
  OP, you reacted in a way that may have looked odd from the outside but as long as this isn’t a weekly occurrence talking to your boss like the parent comment says should resolve things.
  Meanwhile, consider that some people respond to the same situation by yelling at the person who asked, or throwing things, or otherwise becoming violent. You got upset and removed yourself from the situation, which is the right thing to do.

If you want the job, go back. If they don't want to deal with a fragile person then it is up to them to fire you. Next time just say "I don't know" and keep flipping burgers.

Talk to your boss before your next shift - being proactive is key. Explain that you had a momentary blib of a reaction that embarrassed you and you left early. If your boss is anywhere near human, they will understand and offer guidance on what you can do if it ever happens again. Not that you owe your coworkers an explanation, but if you feel you need to address it, you can say something casual like, "sorry for the flip out yesterday, I'm not a great speller and can be embarrassed about it."
This is a learning experience (albeit a terrible one). And if it makes you feel any better, anything I'm good at is because something terrible happened. I'm good at lots of stuff now. 😉
Hang in there!!

I honestly mean no offense when I say this and I hope you don’t take it wrong but you need to be seeing a therapist for your anxiety. This is nothing to be ashamed of and talking to someone trained to handle it will help you overcome it.
I was able to grow out of it but it took me decades to find myself and be comfortable with who I am. If I could go back I would have been on a regular schedule to talk to someone about my insecurities. Who knows the opportunities I lost because I was scared or embarrassed. Many of my regrets are from missed opportunities that in hindsight where caused by my anxiety.
You are not alone.

You are being way too hard on yourself, go in, act like nothing really happened which is mostly true, if your boss does demand an explanation of what happened all you need to say is "sorry, I had a panic attack." If any coworker asks about it any of the following answers are acceptable "sorry, I had a panic attack" if you want to embellish whether true or not you can add "I was going through some unrelated stuff at the time and it threw me off," and if necessary "I don't really feel comfortable talking about it" it's fine to embellish a little bit because it is, and I really do mean this, none of their business anyways and if they're worth your time they will respect your boundaries anyways. If anyone gives you an opportunity to laugh it off, take it, add in any of the prior responses if you want.
EDIT: Oh, and next time someone asks you how to spell something repeat calmly after me "oh, sorry don't ask me, I get spelling anxiety" It's totally fine. If it's just general social test anxiety then you can expand the line to "oh, sorry, don't ask me, I get bad anxiety under social pressure" Modify further as needed. Again, you're totally fine.
- Really good answer.

Every one of those people has fumbled a word too. None of them has the right to judge you.

It sounds a lot deeper than not being able to spell a particular word. Spelling is the number one thing many college students have in common, so it is common to not be able to spell something. Main reason autocorrect and spell check is a thing in tech. I can see why you would be embarrassed due to the pressure of an audience.
Intelligence isn't measured that way. Just tell them you were having a bad day and if they don't give you another chance, they are not worth the trouble.

I'm dumb as hell and I make it everyone else's problem.
- Hell yeah, borther!

Every body has already forgotten about it. You are too hard on yourself!
- Ordinarily yes, but unfortunately, crying and running out of work 3 hours early is much more memorable. OP, for future reference, nobody cares if you can't spell something. Just say so and move on, you'll save yourself a lot of trouble.

Most people would be understanding, including your boss, I would bet they would rather keep you at least for a week more just to prevent being short-handed even with an especially heartless boss

Tell your boss you’re sorry for leaving early and you have some “stuff” going on at home but that it won’t impact your work schedule anymore. If coworkers bring it up just ominously repeat that you’ve got some “stuff” going on. Maybe you just lost your dog with cancer, they don’t know and probably already assume your reaction was about something more than spelling. Laugh off everything else they might say.
PS: I have a masters degree and still can’t spell well in English— it doesn’t have a consistent phonetics.

This is extremely funny, and I'm saying this not to be unkind -- this is how you should communicate it to your boss: you stumbled on something unexpected, freaked out, and wasn't sure how to recover whilst saving face. Your boss should be human enough to know why you reacted the way you did, and offering a weak grin at it might win you back

If it makes you feel better I once had an ER physician, like a person who finished medical school, ask me how to spell "tax". No I'm not kidding.
- tacks. that ones easy. you doing some carpeting?
  
  No, working on a hotrod and I need multiple tachs

It really doesn't matter. Let them show you who they are. You can learn how to spell, but they'll still be assholes.

Just know that English sucks. My coworkers, from many other countries, are baffled that their kids have spelling lessons here. In their language the letter is the sound always, and there aren't things like: doubling letters, silent e and the multitude of pronunciations for ough (rough, though, thought).
Our brains haven't evolved with the times. We get stuck on situations of perceived failure, a left over trait to aid in survival so you are prepared for next time. Your brain is taking it as wrong doing and thus shame of letting you ancient village tribe down.
It is easy to say this, and harder to make the mental shift; but you have to find a method to let these things slide. Like a way this laugh them off or IDGAF attitude. We judge ourselves harsher than any other person, once you get to a place where you don't care about judgement from others, all the worry about a flub diminishes.

Ok, you ran to the bathroom out of all places, you can use that now. You could say you felt sick, and then you rather went home because you felt too bad (maybe stomachache), you just forgot to notify someone.
Since you work with food, this could be (hopefully) taken even better. Although... I am starting to feel like hygiene is an illusion, but that may just be with frozen pastry (and region-dependent) ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯
Anyway, that may work as an explanation for the boss, probably not coworkers. If you're not friends, perhaps you could try ignoring them outside of work-related discussions.
But I am probably the worst person to take advice from.
- I really don't think lying is the best option unless whatever figure authority lacks any compassion.
  
  Perhaps. As I said:
  But I am probably the worst person to take advice from.
  
  Also the "I was violently ill yesterday but I'm here today doing just fine" is a little too easy to see through.
- "Ok, you ran to the bathroom out of all places,"
  I wasn't really thinking. I was just very emotional and looking for somewhere private.
  
  I think you misunderstood me.
  I rather meant that as being something convenient for the situation. Perhaps the most convenient to understand (by others), out of all places.
  I didn't mean that as insult, if that's what my wording suggested. Sorry.
  But as someone else said, my route of lying may be a bad idea.
  
  I don't think they meant that sentence as a criticism if you're reading it that way -- if you take it with the second part of that sentence, I think they meant "out of all the places you could have run to, luckily you ran to the bathroom which provides some convenient excuses for tomorrow".
  I hope you're feeling better soon anyway, it sucks having a moment like that and feeling so humiliated :( we're all human though, and they will understand :)

I haven't really been in that sort of situation before and am absolutely terrible at dealing with stress but as far the trouble goes I'd say be honest, if you're still anxious tomorrow tell a coworker you trust (if that's an option) and try to take things easy. If you feel things building up maybe take a break and sit in silence or go secretly cry if it helps.
Even if it turns a rough week, I believe in you.

its maybe not the hardest word to spell but its certainly not the easiest. So you are really sweating it to much but you know we all get those type of overkill responses. As for the job I know having one is tough but no one should be that concerned about a burger flipping job. they suck. really no one should worry about any job but I get it. we all need the paycheck.
- Shit, I have a killer vocabulary, can spell words I've never seen... On a good day. .
  Sometimes the brain just decides "ooh, that third letter reminds me of a story from when I was five" and now I don't even remember the word I was trying to spell.
  Ya just gotta be able to laugh when the mind goes walkabout on you like that.
  
  Oh yeah. Im older and I will get the why did I come into this room or I can't remember what I wanted to say to someone and im like. oh shit am I losing it. but you know I also wonder if I always sorta did it but did not care as much about it when younger. Also if its an effect of having just a shitload more to think about on a daily basis as an adult that just seems to get more and more complicated. Who knows.

I had a recent experience like this (that was admittedly less intense) where I left feeling like a complete idiot, and I can't even remember what it was, and none of my coworkers probably do either because we're all idiots. If it matters to your coworkers they'll ask about your well-being out of concern because they care; if it matters to your coworkers and they mock you, they're the type of people who's opinion of you isn't with anything

Honestly I don't know if I'd be able to spell random words on the spot either. I feel like I'm decent at spelling when writing or typing, but as soon as I start saying letters out loud I lose my spot and mess it up. My brain just doesn't work that way

42 comments