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Sometimes really fucked thoughts cross my mind.

[CW: Mental Health]

I honestly don't feel any shred of good right now. Hurricane Milton practically has made me feel life-threateningly distressed, and nothing is being done about it because this country would rather pour in billions into isntrael and ukkkraine. When Milton hit, I was constantly in fear that I was not gonna be able to recover from it, and that fear was completely true.

I'm back in the same horrid cycle of constantly job hunting and worrying about my ability to stay alive because my existence is not going to be profitable so long as I have to keep trying and failing to make myself profitable. I have even lower confidence this time around, though. I'm likely not going to get a job soon, and I've accepted that based on experience. I had to leave my last job because when I came back after being unable to work for a week due to Milton, I wasn't able to perform as effectively and staff was very unforgiving. That's not to mention that it's a libshit NPO and they misgendered and did shit like that, even though they claimed it's "against their policies" and that they "take discrimination very seriously."

I have job interviews coming up, I'm doing applications constantly, and I'm staying inside for the most part as I'm entering a phase of depression that makes going outside nearly impossible. My appetite is decreasing, and fucked thoughts continue to cross my mind. Though I've been in really horrid situations that made me want to die in the past but have since moved past them, my biggest worry continues to be that every time I get back into a situation like this, this time may be the time that I don't "move past it."

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10 comments

  • We are here for you, comrade. You're seen and heard. I'm sorry that your struggles right now are great, but I want to stress the point you yourself made, you've made it through every struggle, none have gotten you. Fuck Amerikkka and how it treats everyone that isn't a cishet male cracker but you're strong enough and worthy. You're a badass, if you ask me. Every time you overcome, you're stronger for it. The idea that you could maintain the same person you were even after overcoming struggle is anti-Communist, come to think of it.

  • Hey Angel, I don't know you that well but with being on this site for the last year I have learned that you are extremely passionate about trans rights and veganism, and you contribute a lot to the daily feed on this site. Have you considered looking into blogging or something where you can put that passion out there for others to see outside of the bear site? I know monetization is gross but it could be a potential avenue for you while you try to find stable work.

    I see your struggles just like others on here and I just want the best for my comrades. meow-hug

    • I really love to write and make content. In fact, I was going to start making videos for my currently dormant vegan YouTube channel. I was going to start with a video series that refutes some of the most common anti-vegan leftist arguments and seek to do street outreach as well. That is a good idea, but I'm not sure how to exactly go about monetization in these contexts. Overall, though, not only would it help me make some extra cash, but it is something I'm genuinely passionate about.

      Thank you! Care-Comrade

      • I'm trying to do the web dev thing but am actively avoiding monetization tactics because I don't believe it should b a thing. But I do know that it works, especially when you find your niche and stride. It might take a lot of work and researching but long-form(like 1 hour) video mini doc style stuff might work really well on defeating the leftist misconceptions on veganism. It will take some will power to push through some of the more bullshit arguments out there. Sending love, but only because you are an amazing human!

  • One thing I've learned from getting older is that live has so many more chapters than we first imagine. You're going to make it.

    That being said, you're probably already well acquainted with your options, but I hope you can get tf out of Florida. As an Assigned Southerner at Birth myself, that's honestly the best choice I ever made

  • You're not alone. At least you have the energy to keep interviewing and applying. Please try to feed yourself neglecting that is going to make you feel worse. You have my best wishes

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