7mo ago

I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About

www.mcsweeneys.net

I’m torn. Both Galadriel and Sauron say the other is a threat to Middle-earth. One has to be wrong, so whom am I to trust? Should I trust the Dark Lord who attempted to topple the White City of Gondor, dominate all life, and attempt to stay in power for eternity? Or do I trust the Elf Queen representing the coalition of Men and Elves who defeated Sauron when he tried to enslave the Free Peoples… but could maybe do more meet-and-greets?

77 comments

Both sides are bad because the elves had rings and Sauron had a ring. See, both the same!
- both ~~sides~~ teams are bad because they both support genocide.
  
  You haven't seen Galadriel in office.
  There were literal wars when Sauron was in office, started by him.

Look, everyone is saying Saruman is just as bad as Sauron, but here's the thing:
Yes he is moving towards Sauron strategically on specific issues, but these issues are important to his base and he has to throw them a bone.
Yes he is illegally killing Rohan civilians, but nobody claimed the defense of the regions west of his Stone Circle system would be painless.
Yes his armies look and foreign policy look eerily similar to Sauron's, but he promises he's trying to stop him actually.
You purists in the Shire keep saying it's not necessary to destroy the whole forest of Fangorn but he got the endorsement of Lurtz, so he clearly knows more about politics than you do.
Anyone serious understands that resisting Sauron means voting for Saruman.
- Excellent job committing to the bit!

She wants to fill your farmland with trees! Useless trees! No more taters or pipe weed! Good luck digging a new burrow with all those roots. Speaking of roots, did you hear about the Ents? All they do is destroy our towns, ripping our dams apart so they can drink all our water. Horrible, horrible creatures, and they will tread all over your flower gardens if you let this self-centered "elf queen" have her way!
- Way too coherent, try again

The twist is that halfling votes don't matter because Eriador is a solid Galadriel state. The only votes that matter are votes from small enclave of erratic Men in South Gondor
- Goddamn, it's always fucking Gondor, isn't?
  
  The race of M*n, who above all else desire power

Why is the hero Galadriel bragging about being endorsed by Grima Wormtongue and the Witch King of Amgmar? And what happened to all the Haradrim?
- Deep cut with the Haradrim, I'll give you that 😉

Looks like the orcs are out in force tonight
- Yeah, I swear I just heard one of them say "Looks like Geek is back on the menu, boys!"
  I didn't even know orcs had restaurants? How do they know what a menu is?!
- I'd really like it if midwest.social would defed from hexbear. It's a nice instance, but the comment sections are often a disaster.

Genocide propaganda. Why do you support, or at least not have a problem with, the extermination of the Palestinian people?
- Hypothetically and only for the sake of argument, let's say Harris "supports genocide". We know Trump supports …let's call it "Genocide+". What does that leave? I believe most people think Harris will make getting a permanent ceasefire and supporting a two state solution central tenets of her administration. And Trump will do something insane that will threaten many more innocent lives across the entire region.
  You can cast a vote for the imperfect candidate (which is every candidate ever), you can cast a vote for the candidate most likely to start World War III. Or you can cast a vote for ~~Grima Wormtongue~~, oops I mean Jill Stein, who is on the take from both the Russians and the GOP, and end up helping WWIII guy. Those are your options. It's not necessarily a fun choice, but it shouldn't be a hard one.
  
  We know Trump supports …let's call it "Genocide+"
  Holy shit it's you, the liberal every leftist has been joking about for a year. I'm sorry we spoke you into being with our irresponsible comedy.
  
  We know Trump supports …let's call it "Genocide+"
  We do know that? Biden and Harris are currently ok with the IOF sealing off an area with 400k+ people in it, hoping to starve them to death. No, if you’re going to claim Trump will do something more, be specific. Because outside of dropping a nuke on Gaza there isn’t much more that can be done, we’re at what essentially is maximum genocide that is reasonably possible.
  I believe most people think Harris will make getting a permanent ceasefire and supporting a two state solution central tenets of her administration.
  
  Oh wait, you’re serious. Oh you sweet summer child. I can even be mad at you. But not only do most people not believe this, most people know this is patently false because it IS false. Btw the reason people like Blinken and Harris bring up a 2 state solution is because Israel has made it functionally impossible.
  
  You support genocide. You're a geek without a soul.
  
  Is this a bit?
  
  you can cast a vote for the candidate most likely to start World War III
  Yes, Kamala the warmonger who explicitly supports arming Israel and wants to escalate against Iran and Russia. She also loves Cheney the murdering war criminal, which tells you how she really feels. Trump has at least stumbled upon the correct policy regarding Russia.
  Jill Stein, who is on the take from both the Russians and the GOP
  I guess liberals are still on the Russiagate bullshit
  
  Trump Derangement Syndrome lives in every liberal that can just say out loud with no reason besides 'orange man bad' that the unconditional and enthusiastic support for genocide that already exists would be worse under Trump.
  And I honestly don't believe you're acting in good faith. I think you're a disgusting fucking piece of shit that's just latching your own personal cause (electing a nazi) to the cause célèbre.
  
  I voted PSL, enjoy literally being a member of the Nazi party.

Was Galadriel pledging strong endless support for a genocide? I don't remember that part of the books if I'm honest.
- Hmm, let me guess, you're voting for Grima Wormtongue?
  
  Didn't Galadriel straight up say that if she were given the power of the Ring she'd turn into a tyrant? Like, if the choices are Sauron (tyrant, given the power) and Galadriel (tyrant, given the power) it seems most correct to pick Frodo (trying to unmake the source of corruptive and destroying power).
  Like, if anyone wielding the Ring for any purpose will be subordinate to its will no matter their intentions, and ultimately will subjugate all others, then the dichotomy is not which wielder, but whether the Ring should exist or not.
  
  I'd vote for Frodo, since he's ignoring all of the ridiculous political bullshit and actually trying to do a revolutionary act by building a fellowship and working together with his friends to destroy the source of the evil rather than fighting over who is the best one to control the evil.
  I swear it's like you people haven't even read the books!
  
  It's the only way to break the system!

I know the article is a threadbare simile, but it more than misses the whole point of Galadriel's character in the books/movie. For even someone like Galadriel who meets this beyond-human ideal of beauty, purity and "goodness", the power of the One Ring to dominate life is so corrupting that it would simply turn her into a new Sauron. Which is why after failing to resist temptation, Galadriel leaves Middle Earth and goes into the West. If there's one point that is hammered in repeatedly throughout the Lord of the Rings, it's that such absolute power cannot be used for good, despite anyone's best intentions, and the only recourse is for it to be destroyed.
- There's a much better candidate for the comparison: Saruman, the guy whose whole deal was resisting Sauron by adopting all of his means.
- I mean it's not asking why should have the ring it's saying why should be trusted to rule

You should focus all your attention on the genocide of the horsemen of Rohan, and absolutely ignore the much larger genocide of the people of Gondor because they should have just surrendered to mordor in the beginning to have peace. Also mordor didn't encourage that other genocide to distract from their genocide at all.
Signed
A concerned citizen from somewhere outside mordor like St. Brandywinesburg.

Was worried that the actual Onion had posted Liberalism, but thankfully it's some knockoff
- Ok Bill Ferny

I was under impression that Sauron was for order through subjugation, not chaos.
But in any case that would just make the allegory more fitting.
- I don't know that Sauron had an ideology per se, more just power for the sake of power. Which allegorically is pretty spot on I think.

This post is a good reminder why I need to sort by Local and not All.

Okay but the real question being asked is "which of the two should we give the One Ring too?"
And the answer may surprise you!
- Literally the message of Tolkien's writing, yes. The good guys sought to destroy power, not wield it.

I would to vote for someone who isn't immortal but NOOOO that's throwing my vote away

Not humoring this childish nonsense about a novel; scum like you won't even press Kamala at every moment to stop her support of genocide because you don't give a damn about the Palestinians; you gonna vote for her in the tens of millions? Then why aren't there tens of millions putting her on the spot about her support for Israel? You people don't give a damn and you're not conning anyone here.

Imagine hyping up Kamala this much
- Ok Gothmog

The dark lord has neither a healthy body nor a healthy mind. He's spying on you all. With hiX all-seeing eye.
But as Elrond told a hobbit before:
Yet such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world, Small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere.’