MY PERFECT MOURNING ROUTINE

Hey, bud. I can't leave the office after just getting there to go lift weights. I also have zero control over 80% of the meetings I attend. Dude has no idea how privileged he is.

wake up at 5:30am

Fuck right off.

Terms like "connect", "be present", "superpower" tell me this is not for the average working person, but the higher paid bosses of such people who can do whatever they want.

Wake up at 5:30am

Counter offer: go to hell

Tldr guy only works 3 hours a day

Couple big problems -

To start, this is a morning routine, not a mourning routine. While it is true that I often mourn the morn, dude needs to learn how to spell.

Second, if you're up at 5:30, and not drinking coffee until 7am, and then have 3 hours of focused work, that right there is 10am. Your morning is supposed to be 'won' by this point, and you still haven't gotten to the weight training part of your morning.

"Saying 'no' is a superpower, it will lead you to your true calling. Trust your instincts."

"Want my morning routine checklist? Follow Matt Gray"

No. ( :

"Boosts testosterone". I bet this dude thinks of himself as an alpha male.

Most of these make sense but its from a very privileged perspective.

wake up whenever, alarm usually goes off 8:30. Maybe i hit snooze a buncha times
start work at 10. Wfh, pants optional
work according to load, mostly fart about house.
Take a long walk for lunch, usually blow out my step requirements
fuck off work 3:30, go fuck around in garden until sun sets
big fat dinner sitting on my arse watching telly with hubs, then gaming after he goes to bed at 9ish
bed around 1ish under fat purring cat.

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Funny how it's not the worst idea but "this alone separates you from 99% of people" is like putting poison in soup and now the whole thing is ruined.

"No meetings before 2pm", "saying no is a superpower" yeah brill mate I'll just say no to my boss multiple times a morning forever and absolutely won't get fired for being difficult thanks Matt xo

This isn't terrible advice, but it's presented in such a way that I want to strike the author for being such a smug prick.

Did they draw hyperlinks in their notebook?

The thing that's so irritating to me isn't the tone, isn't the weird preaching, isn't the push to follow on social media. What gets me (as it always does) is that assholes like this push their message as a one-size-fits-all message.

Assholes like this always think everyone else works just like them, and it makes me crazy.

Sunrise here, tomorrow, is around 7:30. When I take my morning walk, presumably just after I wake up at 5:30 because the walk is supposed to “get my brain ready to work” and I’m supposed to put several hours of work in during the morning, how do I “get sunlight in my eyes”?

Here’s my morning routine:

Wake up at 8 (assuming a crying baby doesn’t wake me up sooner)
Change diapers
Spend time with my wife and sons
Walk to the grocery store with my toddler (3500 steps round trip or so)
Drink a kombucha on the way home (coffee raises my cholesterol and gives me awful anxiety symptoms)
Change diapers
Take my toddler to the playground, weather permitting
Have lunch with my wife and sons
Read books to my toddler, change his diaper, and put him down for a nap
Think about how I’m leaving the USA next year partially because American work culture is absolute trash

I’m on paternity leave and it’s been the best part of my career. As in not working at all is the best part of my career. How fucked is that?

I would gladly change diapers and hang out with screaming kids all day instead of dealing with my dumb ass coworkers and people who can’t honor a meeting invite planned weeks out but then expect me to “hop on a quick call” which then achieves nothing. Between the constant threat of layoffs and losing my livelihood and the political backdrop of having my family deported because they’re too dark a shade of brown and speak Spanish sometimes?

Fuck this place. I’m out.

There is a single insightful line in this whole image:

Your biggest enemy is distractions.

Unfortunately, this image is one of those distractions.

Step 8: wake up for real this time. It's 9:30 and you're late.

I’ve loathed people based on less information before, but not with this intensity.

wake up at 5.30 so you can be at your top shape by 8 am and earn that yacht for your CEO!

Most people don't get a chance to do those things. Wake up, commute while sending off kids, work dreadful shit, collect kids, shop, make dinner, relax15 minutes, pass out, repeat.

Except. bank holiday comes 6 times a year. Cheers.

The only thought I'm connecting with at 5:30 in the fucking morning is "I'm so tired, I want to go back to sleep".

I prefer the other Matt Gray tbh, he's funnier and doesn't tell me to wake up at 5:30 when I've just gotten to sleep...

I wake up at 5:30 because my arsehole boss insists that I’m at my desk at 7am.

As a result I’m tired all the time and get fuck all done.

I saw this multiple times already on Linkedin reposted with huge engagement.

While I understand this is borderline fiction, absolutely unrealistic and in my eyes an equivalent of those pictures with pretty girls laughing with a plate of salad promoting healthy eating, but for me the comment section of this post is the cherry on top cheering how "brilliant" this is. People are so fucked up on Linkedin.

"I wake up at 5:30 because I fall asleep at 18:30. Everyone should try to live like this bro"

This is unironically close to my routine. I wake up at 5, walk the dog for 30-60 minutes, have breakfast, then start work before anyone else so I can get shit done before people start showing up. I wrap up my day around 2pm, walk for 1-2 hours, make dinner, then chill. It's worked well for me.

Imagine a cup of coffee being all you look forward to.

Sounds horrible. Here's mine:

Stand up when woken up and feeling like it.
look into my wife's cute face.
we make food, watch star trek, drink tea
decide how and where we're gonna spend the day. Gaming? Binging? Pool? Museum? Zoo? Just driving around with no goal? Shopping-tour? Visit some city? Some voluntary work to help those less fortunate? Doing absolutely nothing?
end the day in peace whenever we feel like it.

Oh yes. No kids, no pets.

By 10am? You reach 10am by step 4.

Also number 7 contradicts 4. Phone calls can be meetings. But what do I know.

That's a psychopath's handwriting.

I keep reading work as worm.

every great accomplishment happens in the mornings if you're only ever awake during the mornings.

There is no way that 99% of meetings are a waste of time. Like, many 70%, tops.

Ah right, a walk around nature! Because I have so much nature around me!

(Also, I'd prefer to get meetings and impromptu requests from colleagues in the morning, because I tend to get way in the zone around 14h-15h, with the drawback that I often run way in excess of 17h when I'm supposed to leave so I'm home by ~1815.)

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

The waiting 90 min for caffeine part is actually based on decent scientific evidence, but it's so damn hard.

Apparently the logic behind is that sleep neurotransmitters take a while to flush out in the morning, but drinking caffeine stops the flushing process and leaves you with leftover ones in your system. So as soon as the coffee wears off, you're way more likely to really crash.

I've tried to implement that habit, but ended up falling asleep at my work desk basically every day 🤷 (Although my doctor also says he's about 80% sure I have Narcolepsy, so that might have something to do with that)

Cool, I don’t have meetings at my day job and I’m on the phone helping people through my entire day. If I worked for only three hours I might get sacked.

I don’t know who this person is, but I’m not sure they have a job.

I like organization... but I hate routines.

Mourning routine, lol.

This man's colleague when he's just wasted three hours doing work he didn't have to: "but I sent you an email three hours ago about it?"

"No meetings before 2pm (when the eastern hemisphere people are going to sleep)" that'll go over well.

And here's mine:

6:30 am - wake up due to 4yo kicking or whatever
7 - clean up the kitchen a bit
7:30 - make breakfast and lunch for myself and kids
8:15 - drive kids to school (we decided on a charter school, so no bus service)
9:15 - get to work and refill my water bottle and whatnot
9:30-11 - morning meetings
11-12 - pretend like I'm working/check email/etc
12-1 - lunch
1-3 - work on my tasks for the day
3-5 - fix something that went wrong, because something always goes wrong just before I go home
5-6 - drive home (would take 30 min w/o traffic, but here we are)
6-7 - make dinner or clean up house
7-9 - get kids ready for bed (takes forever because they're really looking for time w/ me)
9-10 - do adult stuff, like paying bills or shopping for birthdays/christmas stuff; maybe take a walk w/ SO; if the stars align, read a book or play video games

So yeah, that's me. I get about as much done in those 2 hours of actual work as many of my coworkers get, so I think I'm doing alright.

Here's an alternative schedule when I WFH:

6:30-8:45 - same as above, just w/o commute
10-12 - do work (we have fewer meetings on WFH days
12-1 - get some exercise in my garage (kids are at school)
1-3 - do more work while eating lunch
3-5 - play video games or something in my home office (I've already done 2x the work I normally do)
5-6 - make dinner or clean up house
6-8 - hang out with family
8-8:30 - get kids ready for bed (much easier since I can work the bedtime routine in the "hang out" part)
8:30-10 - same as above, but I have an extra 30 min (hooray!!)

So yeah, most of what the OP posted cannot apply to me, but I get a similar amount of work done.

5:30am - Wake up in the mornin' feeling like P. Diddy 6:00am - Grab my glasses; I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city 5:45am - Before I leave, brush my teeth, with a bottle of Jack 'Cause when I leave for the night I ain't comin' back

I can do step 1 without waking up, so I would take that extra time to continue connecting with myself while sleeping. Also, caffeine takes 20-30 mins to kick in, so they're actually waiting close to 2 hours to cue themselves into "work mode".

Wake up between 7 and 10 depending on what timezone I'm in, I work late so I don't need an alarm. Open the hotel blinds to get some real light. Eat some yogurt. Do a light work out. Shower. Do whatever until whenever my phone says go to work. Work 3–14 hours based on whatever schedule is on my phone. Go to hotel. Go to bed. Appreciate the fact that I have no meetings ever and at least 16 days off a month.

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mourning

This is a sense of grief or loss, usually over the deceased.

emails

This is a conjugated verb. Like 'traffic', the noun should NEVER get an S; no matter how much Felicia says, for the same reason 'cattles' is wrong.

Learn to spell when you're going to ink it in. Respect the medium and its lack of an 'undo' feature.