Don't forget to cup the balls

Please be satire.
I'm so sad that I'm even having to question that it's not.
No one is this much of a chode gargler.... Surely....
- That's a blue tick.
  
  Oh no
- When you repress your homosexuality, it sure does come out in weird ways. /S. Or not.

Rereads Tesla’s mission statement.
“Accelerating the world’s transition to sustainable energy.”
Stares at 3 ton lump of stainless steel parked in driveway.
- As a machinist and welder, I would strongly prefer an actual 6000 lb lump of stainless over a cybertruck. I can actually use stainless steel to make things.
  
  I've never worked with stainless, but I hear that it's a pain in the ass. And then, if you have no coating on it, it still stains from touching all sorts of shit.
- Owned by a man that is trying to elect Donald Trump, who is famously opposed to renewable energy.
- Glencore rubs hands together eagerly

"the mission" being what, exactly? make a rich jerkoff richer, so he can lie to you about exciting inventions that never come to light?
- The copium is strong
  Let's not forget everyone is already paying for "the mission" through tax payer subsidies.
- Something something mars.

Loyalty to Tesla what the actual fuck? Don't be loyal to a brand ever.
- I guarantee the actual thought process is "Musk supports Trump, and you should also be supporting Trump, so support Musk even more by deepthroating the upsell."

I had the displeasure of seeing one of these contraptions in person for the first time recently. Pictures do not adequately convey just how ugly these abominations are.
- I live in a major city in America so sadly see them daily.. I’d say around 70% have a custom vinyl wrap or are painted instead of being left stainless steel tho.
  One store near my work is a retro games shop, they bought one and wrapped it in their colors/logo and I think it’s funny since my wife often says the truck looks like Laura Croft’s tits
  
  Your wife is brilliant.
- I saw one for the first time on the road today. The thing made me bust out laughing. It looks absurd.
  
  I live in California and see maybe 20 every day. It never gets old laughing at them. Had a customer yesterday who owned one as well as a model s. The S was in his garage but not his toy truck. He was a douche so I fucked with him.
  "How do you like your truck?"
  "Love it, it's so sick bro"
  "How come you don't park it in your garage with your car? Will it not fit?"
  "No, it just barely fits, but I like having it outside so people see it."
  "Aren't you worried about people fucking with it or it rusting? Heard they rust easily"
  "Where did you hear that? This baby is stainless steel!"
  "Literally everywhere on the internet, that's why so many people get it wrapped apparently. Also, have you taken it in for any of the recalls?"
  "It hasn't had any recalls bro, this thing is perfect"
  "Hmm. I heard it had like 5 recalls already, you should look into it."
  "That's just haters taking shit dude it isn't true."
  "Yeah, you're prolly right. This thing gets a lot of hate from like everyone for being ridiculous and impractical, but Elon musk made it so it must be awesome."
  "Bro literally invented spaceships dude he's a legit genius."
  "Pretty sure he didn't invent them. He just owns the company."
  He proceeded to explain that he may not have made the first one but he'll be the first to get man to Mars and spaceships weren't cool until he made them that way. He used the truck as evidence of his genius and how he will be humanities savior. I was fucking speechless honestly. The only thing genius about this is he cornered the fucking enormous douchebag market so well they gaslight themselves into believing that we're all jealous and or too poor to understand. I spray for bugs for a living. This guy got water sprayed on his property and I don't feel even remotely bad about it.
- I didn't realize how big they were until one of my kids ran over to "the fortnite truck". Massive, ugly, and expensive.
  
  Oh yeah. And not just big. Like big in a this truck has no usable space kind of big and long. So long.
  
  And yet they’re much smaller than most of the Ford trucks out there.
- I just realized. It has size of a bus and capacity of a car.
  
  It also has a poly count lower than most people's shoe size.
  
  So this century's civilian hummer.
- There are at least 4 different ones around where I live. I know, because they are all wrapped in different colors. One unwraped, one blue, one red, one white, and one black. Its astounding that many people bought it out around here

Even after reading this the Cybertruck is still the dumbest thing in this photo.
- Imo, exploiting dumb people is pretty smart! Unethical but clever
  
  Yeah, it takes a fucking GENIUS to figure that out. /s 🙄

"I'm leaving, Jeremy."
"OK but before you go can you take one more picture of me with the Tesla® Cybertruck™? I don't think I looked sad enough in the last one about all those dollars that people aren't giving to Elon."

This is 100% engagement bait.
- With how some of those Muskrats are, I'm honestly not sure about that.
  
  As beautifully as the name fits, I feel bad for the actual muskrats of our creeks and marshes.

Everytime I see a cybertruck, It makes me think of the "Fighting Polygon Team" from Super Smash Brothers N64. Each polygon character is a essentially a weaker knockoff of an actual character from the game. I haven't played that game in years but I seem to remember it was my least favorite level from single player mode.

This is cult follower speaking patterns.
- All of these people from Muskrats to Trumpers are all looking for simple answers and solutions to how fucked up our world is from whoever will give it to them.
  They want to be in a cult ever if they don’t realize it because then they have an authority to make all the decisions for them
  
  Daddy issues. All of them. Hell, Trump and Musk both have had terrible fathers. Much more then the regular "elite" shitheel.
- Your comment is selfish, really. How does this comment support our mission to achieve global market domination? You need to sleep in the basement until your reprogramming session is complete. Enlightenment is earned.

FWIW, it's this guy: https://www.sfgate.com/tech/article/cybertruck-owner-crushes-finger-door-19438158.php
- Holy shit, how pathetic can you be?
- It’s hard to admit you’re wrong when you’re in a cult.
- Guess it's good he didn't do it a second time
- "Tesla engineer Wes Morrill responded to the finger-crush video on X on Thursday with some patiently worded advice for Judkins. He wrote that if you repeatedly try to close the frunk, the software will apply more closing force, assuming “you, as the human” knows what you’re doing. (Key word: assume.)"
  This could make a text book example for edge cases.
  
  That's the best way of calling someone a dumbass without saying it outright I think I've ever seen.
- ...Wow, what a moron.
- That some Yakusa shit
- Of course he's from Florida

C~~ybertr~~uck.
- Cybertruckold

Is this the legendary free market when you must buy cybertruck or mElon will be sad?
- Have to feed melon husk more money else he will go hungry.

see...
THIS is why people say you're in a cult.
- Bro that's HERESY against Lord Elon!

I refuse to believe this is real.
Mostly for self protection.

get a life. What a loser

Minecraft Delorean.

Every time I see one of these trying to find a parking space at the grocery store I feel vicarious shame for the driver. Truly, the scarlet letter of the 21st Century.
- I was thinking a similar thing earlier. Instead of publically marking an arbitrary demographic as undesirable, an actually undesirable demographic marks itself

I looked him up.
"The best Tesla cybertruck influencer"
....
... ... ..............

this is yet another example of a second generation billionaire thinking that all the ideas that his brain produces must be phenomenal.

What's even different about the "foundation edition"
- Pay extra for the same product because ~~you're a simp~~ reasons
- You get ripped off even more!
- You get all the bugs and don't get to miss a single recall.
- I wonder if it's anything like the Wozniak version of the Apple IIGS which had his signature on the case. The first several thousand made were like that. No other physical differences.
- It's a $20000 fee for being served "first" and a "LasEr-cUt BADge"

On that Apple shit

Probably a bag holder who bought Tesla stock at the peak.

Definitely did NOT perform analingus on the dirty butthole of Elon Musk.
- Don't be mean. He really really wants to.

He’s so aroused by thoughts of Elon that he’s gazing into the distance and curling his toes.

It's a cult!

I don't know if it was always like this, like pre internet, but I remember when I first started hearing people concerning themselves with the profitability of corporations online.
It was somewhere around the start of the eternal September (I was one of the unwashed tech illiterate masses), and I witnessed people having the most furious debates about video game company / console profitability, and it just never ended.
I wonder if it was just my first encounter to seeing so many Americans in one (virtual) place, or if it was the latent tribalism of the internet, or just nerds having fun crunching their nerd numbers. But I still see way too much of it.
It has got better in some of the chiller places on the internet, though. Which are about the only places I frequent.
Curious to hear other people's perspectives on this kind of parasocial relationship with corps / brands.
- I think it was a different flavor.
  You'd have your fave department store, mall, multiplex, fast food joint, TV channel etc

Elon Cucks

cradle the balls...stroke the shaft...work the pipe...swallow the gravy
-- https://www.quotes.net/mquote/1200494

Rivian is still a better pic smh my head

Nawww, look at him sitting there sulking like a widdle Baby, are you upset because nobody think your truck you paid extra for is cool?

sarcasm? this can't be a serious post!

He's simping hard

tin can cowboy cares heh

Glazing at it's finest

parasocial

It’s true, the cybertruck is an amazing product. It’s frankly unbelievable that that thing actually exists, can move (generally speaking) and even has people who like its exterior as “beautiful”.
Amazing, really.