11mo ago

Where do you meet sexual partners?

Different people have very different lives, so I'm interested to hear the range of replies.

Do you only get sexual in a monogamous relationship? Do you use 'hookup apps' or specialized apps? Do you meet people at events? Casual events, special-interest clubs, hobby clubs? Are you involved in a fetish community? Do your friendships become sexual? Do you party at dance clubs? Do you pay at a brothel? Do you get approached unexpectedly in public? Do you look for partners intentionally or do you meet partners incidentally?

14 comments

Family reunions mostly.
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  I have.
Straight middle aged white male here
Bars mostly, work your way into a conversation, and start buying drinks. But don't go into it trying to score, just hang out and make friends. If it happens it happens, if not, you just made some new friends who have more friends, and eventually you might meet someone cool.
Apps were better before tinder, you could go on okcupid or plentyoffish and be drowning in dates. Now it's all swiping and no one reads shit, if your first picture isn't god tier you don't have a chance.
I'm disabled, furry, gay, demisexual.
While it's rare for me to meet up irl with a play partner, it does happen now and then. Usually friends of friends, but every now and then it's someone I meet on my own, and always other furries, never any 'normies'.
I have a Master, though he's usually subby, and I'm a switch. He has a partner, but I am allowed to play freely, I just don't meet a lot of people, being reclusive and all. Trying to change that during conventions, with a few missed opportunities (schedule conflicts).
I use barq. I had grindr way, way back when, for me it was an absolute awful experience. For virtual stuff (rp), since being my fursona is a big thing for me, I play online way more. Physical, irl stuff is fun, and I do enjoy it, but the mental imagery of me domming a sub (or being a subby top... or being an oral servant...), knot-fucking them until they melt into a moaning whimpering mess on the floor, is such a desire for me. Plus it lets me get to know others before we meet irl, and thus is a way to get around my demisexuality, since we talk about general stuff too, and I'm way more horny and approachable online than irl when I meet someone. Anxiety is a big issue for me, so knowing and trusting someone even just a bit goes miles for my sex drive.
I'd really like to find a bdsm group or club near me, but my disability makes me hyper-focused on how I look irl, and I just.... I'd need a very warm, welcoming community, and while most folks in general have been fine and cautious about it, I'm just scared of being rejected by some asshole for something I can't change about myself. So it's... complicated. If my Master was here I think we could go and have a good time, with him there to play with but also protect me and make me feel safe.. but as it stands, he's long distance except for visits so that's not an option currently.
I've never been approached out of the blue, but (especially at cons) I wouldn't mind it, especially when I have my collar on and Master is with me. Someone noticing me/knowing me from somewhere and striking up a conversation, with a focus on play, would make me all embarrassed and squirmy. I've never had the nerve to say hi to those that I think are interesting or sexy, I don't want to be a bother and (I assume) they'd not be interested because of how I look. But it is a fun thought, hehe.
So I guess 'online, friends of friends, and at conventions' as my tl;dr answer.
- You seem to be so cute and lovely. I hope you'll meet someone.
  
  Nyah!~ I wish I felt physically how I feel online. Would be a huge confidence boost, not worrying about myself visually. Master says it doesn't matter (which is sweet, he's been trying the last few years to make me feel more positive about myself/image/worth), and I recently started playing with a kind friend of a friend online + irl who doesn't seem to mind (yay), but the worry is just so difficult to shake. Maybe I just need to push past it and try harder, maybe it's mostly in my head and I'm being my own hindrance... Bah. I don't believe it, but maybe.
Only monogamous relationship for me, yeah.
I did try other options, friends with benefits and stuff, but nothing actually compares to me, not even close, with the partner who intimately knows me, cares about me on all levels, and knows of all the things that turn me on.
Besides, sex in relationships is a continuation of a deeper feeling, a way to express love and a special kind of gentleness. Yeah, I'd say sex is very romantic to me.
But nothing bad with other options if you're into it! Monogamous folks are often portrayed as boring puritans who tell people what to do, so I'll stress that - you do you, but my drive works this way. And boy can monogamous sex get kinky...
I'm in an open relationship.
On a romantic level, she's my only partner. We were in a large group of friends with shared hobbies. After several months, since we were close and I liked her, I asked her out for a drink, just the two of us, if she wanted.
If it's for more than sex, I need to take time to meet people, know them, see if we have the same values, the same life projects, if there's an alchemy between us.
On a purely sexual level, I go to gay saunas and I always find new partners there. Some of them have suggested meeting outside the sauna, for gay or swinger booty call, but I don't want to take the risk of someone falling in love (me or them) when I'm already in a loving couple.
Where indeed? I'm pansexual, currently leaning more gay, nb-presenting male with a thin frame. If I had no standards, I could probably find some bear in the area. Scruff is another gay app, and I managed to meet someone through that who looks like my type but isn't much of a top and didn't want to meet again. I'm also on a BDSM-focused gay site called Recon, where I've been engaged in a multi-month ongoing conversation with this shy pantyhose fetishist who eventually wants to try things. I avoid Grindr because I'm not looking for disposable experiences.
Now? In bed.
But when we were swinging, SLS app was pretty good, for over-30 crowd anyway. And assuming you are looking for a couple or a man.
If looking at my whole life?
8 years hookups just with friends and acquaintances.
Then monogamous for 20 years, until 5 years of no sex then I got a lover and realized I wasn't gonna make it celibate the rest of my life.
Then a couple years of drama, some swinging, etc.
Then I met my eventual husband, online. We had some years of swinging but for health reasons about 8 years monogamous now. I can do this easier with him because we fuck at least once a day, for a dozen years so far.
- SLS?
  
  SwingLifeStyle. Literally just SLS.com to get there. I am sure it depends where you are, but here it was pretty active.
Church. Work.

14 comments