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If a cute goblin woman wanted to claim me as her husband, I probably wouldn't say no.
I mean, cute in a 2D depiction, with a lot of detail missing, but think of the reality of the situation.
Probably smells like shit, literally. Bathes as frequently as she hunts fish.
Probably has no idea what a toothbrush is, chunks of meat stuck between teeth until the enzymes in her saliva break it down over weeks.
Anatomically incompatible, probably.
Bro, the genre's called fantasy for a reason.
Why you gotta ruin my dream of finding someone who loves me for myself? Unrealistic though it might be...
If that's the same criteria you use for looking for that someone, and you proceed with an open and courageous heart: it won't be a dream.
And I would say that we have general artistic conventions of depicting elements the previous commentor suggested: smell lines, meat in teeth, etc.. Their absence from the scene leads me to believe the commentor's interpretation is far from the artist's intentions.
I appreciate the heartfelt advice but I'm mostly just riffing.
My real problem is that staying home and playing video games is less work and more immediately gratifying than getting out and trying to meet someone, but I recognize that complaining about that just means I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too.
Wouldn't it be eat your cake and still have it? Typically you have cake before you eat it, but you don't have cake after you eat it. So the eating would go first in the sentence, right? Unless the saying is that you want to have your cake after eating it. Either way you gotta use a word that implies the directional flow of time, because technically you do have cake for most of the duration that you're eating it.
Wouldn't it be eat your cake and still have it?
The idiom is generally phrased "have your cake and eat it too" but yeah that's rather confusing. The way you said it is how I actually understand it in my head.
I think the way
EnglishCommon has evolved doesn't help either, because "to have" is now synonymous with "to eat" in the context of food, but I don't think it was that way when the idiom was coined. It's actually about 500 years old according to Wikipedia.
The goblin swinging a club on the other hand...
She doesn't love you, you're the first thing she could grab with a heart beat and two legs
Beggars can't be choosers.
Not true! She ate a monkey yesterday. ..and she grabbed it before she ate it.
Why is your dream a tiny filthy goblin? You can do better.
Like a big filthy goblin?
I am a big filthy goblin pretty much. A hobgoblin, if you will.
knobgobblin'
Holding out for orc husbando myself.
then hit me up if your still looking
I think that might just be a hobgoblin?
Yeah I don't think I could go with someone who's like 2 feet tall.
You! You…height-ist!
Hey, that's not fair to the goblin.
I can fix her
why would we assume they smell like shit? animals that aren't penned up rarely smell like shit so why would a sentient being?
Maybe earthy like a MTG convention but literal shit seems doubtful.
Haven't smelled too many wild animals have you? They generally do smell like shit.
No they don't, who's your wild animal guy? Somethings wrong.
I have! And they do not!
What wild animals are you smelling? Farm animals often smell bad, but those are domesticated. I've been close to deer, sparrows, rabbits, none of them smelled bad. Some snakes smell bad, but I think that's on purpose, like a defensive stink.
You ever smelled a coyote or a raccoon?
Raccoon yes, coyotes usually pull a gun on me if I get too close.
Hopefully they didn't get it from ACME.
Nah just some guy's trunk in Juárez
I can fix her 😤
Why would you, though, when you could have little goblinoid babies and save on the vet bill?
Thats fair, tbh.
you're aware humans have existed in the wild for millions of years and we regularly fucked other human species, ye? and people can be in relationships without having sex.
Goblins that are capable of intelligent speech and understanding and desiring the concept of a husband are well within the limits of acceptability.
Anatomically incompatible meaning... Well... You ever tried to put a sausage inside a garden hose?
yeah and it worked after i cut a bit off so what's your point
Is this how circumcision works?
Yes.
Like i said, people can be in relationships without penetrative sex, or do you think lesbian marriages are invalid?
Get a goblin dildo and you're good to go!
you still don't need sex to have a valid relationship
True.
Not since I was a kid, it fit but barely... It was a firehose though so idk if that counts.
I mean, the many half races in DnD implies that most races arent anatomically incompatible
There's rules for that and in this case nope.
Minotaur and Centaur is a nope, but Minotaur and dragon is a yes!
And clearly biped
Now Centaur plus dragon
Human genes seem to be recessive
I should have figured there'd be a cross breedability guide!
With the exception of using magic as pointed out at the bottom so I guess if they tried hard enough...
Family is family, even if it must be created by magic and held together by compulsion. ..right?
Bathes as frequently as she hunts fish.
Bruh she has two toned hair and it looks good. That woman knows how to use hair dye well. I bet she bathes every day. Or every second day, goblins probably have healthier bathing habits than humans. Humans are so obsessed with cleanliness they don't give their bodies time to apply its own natural measures. You're not supposed to wash your hair with shampoo every day, you'll damage it. And no conditioner above the neck. Your hair's natural oils will come in and you'll have healthy locks that shine. Constantly stripping your hair's natural oils away will just make you dependent on shampoo and conditioner.
Does your doctor prescribe your copeium, or is it synthesised in your bathtub?
Fiction can be whatever you want it to be. There's no Right way to depict fantasy races/creatures.
You had me at smells like shit
Clean shaven arms and legs, combed hair (with highlights?), and an earring all imply that the goblin does care about and maintain her hygiene/appearance
Making a lot of assumptions and claims about a literal fantasy creature.
Sure, but I'm probably right, based off franchise lore.
I'd marry goblin slayer
If a
cute goblinwoman wanted to claim me as her husband, I probably wouldn't say no.FTFY
She's like 7 years old and roughly that size too.
@fbi@fbi.gov deal with this guy
The average goblin is about 3 to 3.5ft. And you can’t really tell a goblins age by looking at them. Admittedly, they reach adulthood at ~8 years old, but they live to 60.
You’re reaching, and it’s kinda creepy.
"It just looks like a kid"
Yeah a bit too much for me lol
It's a joke my friend. The FBI don't actually have a lemmy server
Ya don’t joke about that kinda stuff.
Sad truth is, the government does not care about the wellbeing of goblins. Shameful.
That said, i do not see a mention of age.
i will never understand the idea that human age limits would apply to a completely different species, if they're fully mature and capable of consent at 9 years old then that's their age limit, we don't get to impose that on their species.
Should we stop birds from getting it on with each other because they mature within a year or two? I think they might take offense to that, and i don't want to face an angry goose.
Lemmy users see this as okay. Lots of them watch anime that is notorious for sexualizing children/high school girls.
Goblins have an average lifespan of 40-60 years so not that far off from humans. They probably reach maturity somewhat earlier but not that early. She's probably older than you think, if she hasn't already found a mate from within her tribe or from a neighboring one. It wouldn't be unreasonable for her to be 18 or older.
And as for size, I'm 6'4" so even a lot of human women are tiny by comparison. That doesn't make it much better, I guess lol
Tiny women are fun, pass it on.
My dental hygienist is like 5 feet 3 inches. She says she's "fun size"
I'm inclined to believe her.
