DeBebians is hands down the best jeweler for both custom work and stock pieces. They have really good pricing. I was connected with them by a friend who has used them for years and have been blown away by my experience with them, the quality of my piece, and the work they’ve done for others that I’ve seen. The way they brought my very specific vision to life is incredible.
You can go to their website and find great stuff, but I’ve honestly had such amazing luck with them just filling out their quote form on their site. You tell them what you want, your budget, etc and they get right back to you. They were started by two best friends I believe over twenty years ago. The guy is the design pro and the woman completely owns stone sourcing (mined or lab, you can get anything from them for stones).
They’re such a “best kept secret” of the gemstone and jewelry internet. Everyone who works with them adores them, they’re just good people. Impeccable quality. Their jewelers are really good and have been with them forever. Debebians.com and their “Get a quote” link is easy to find. Talk to them, haha when you do you’ll understand my hype. Professional and sweethearts!
It's pretty scary to imagine how many people have been victimized by him in his lifetime.
Good luck to you, I hope you are able to help people and certainly respect your desire to do so.
Thanks for the pro-choice sentiment and for being so respectful!
Women dying because conservatives can't figure out that abortion is healthcare burns me to a crisp inside.
Is it your personal belief that until legislation and SCOTUS rulings align such that American citizens have access to all of those things (universal healthcare, high-quality child care network, etc), that every American should have unrestricted access to high-quality, affordable, local abortion healthcare?
I went pretty deep into the ProGrace website and blogs...sadly, leaving the woman's choice intact is not what they are about at all.
Thank you for your comment. I'm only sad I added mine so late to the conversation. I find this entire ProGrace website so scary...they're seeking to educate Christians on how to speak to vulnerable pregnant women in ways more likely to make them open to hearing Christ's message. It would be cringe if it didn't exist in the context of the regressive, christian-army-led hellscape we find ourselves in.
God’s design for pregnancy is to intertwine a woman and a child. He has made it impossible for us to try to help one while bypassing the other, but instead calls us to work for the dignity and welfare of both of them.
That's one of their two Core Beliefs--how fucking scary is that? Can you imagine being a woman with an unwanted pregnancy who doesn't have the money or access to just seek the abortion healthcare you need, and you seen an advertisement for "pregnancy crisis help" and you're desperate so you go there and then someone with that "core belief" is talking to you about some bullshit and you realize "oh, these people aren't going to help me get an abortion at all" and then you're just trying to get out of there but you're not trying to be rude....can you imagine that nightmare?? This organization is, in part, training those crisis center people to use trickier language that makes pregnant women feel like their might be some empathy for their situation...so, lengthening the period of time that woman sits in a center having her time wasted.
Can you imagine being a person who thinks that "God's design for pregnancy is to intertwine a woman and a child" and believing that you have any right to counsel a woman coping with an unwanted pregnancy??? The delusion is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
The whole this is depressing and shameful.
Yeah it's all just got to be no-strings. No conversation necessary, no information collection beyond logistics-related information, no handing out pamphlets...the religious organization gets nothing at all out of the exchange beyond the knowledge that they've acted in accordance with the tenets Christ laid out so clearly. And I'm sure some extreme tax advantage that would practically make the fleet of cars free or whatever but that can't be helped I guess, after all, this is America.
Also, I would also say maybe look within and ask yourself if you feel good about what you're doing. "Tell me your pain" is quite a thing for a human being to ask of another. If you're asking so you can better sell your god product to other women in the middle of that same pain, well, that's kind of disingenuous if you really pray on it, isn't it?
I'm guessing god and Christian community has probably been pretty transformational in your life, and that you want that for other people, too. I know that is a genuine desire. But it's also a product you're selling, and selling it to someone who is in a potentially super vulnerable position under the guise of trying to help them with their crisis is pretty bad.
The last thing I would ask you to consider, is the fact that abortion is not a difficult choice for many women. They discover they're pregnant, they immediately know that continuing a pregnancy makes no sense and know without hesitation that they need to remove this matter (that does NOT feel like a baby to them at all) from their uterus as soon as possible.
When Christians seek to understand abortion so that they can be "more Christ like" in how they approach it, they often seem to want to hear stories of pain. Like maybe the fact that the woman was in so much pain, agonized over the decision, will never truly get over it, etc, somehow makes it more understandable. "She suffered so much, I can let go of the judgement on my heart" (a WILD sentiment in the context of Christianity, the sacrifice of Jesus, etc.)
But really, many women who have abortions feel about it the same way they would about removing a suspicious mole. It's a health-related chore that needs taking care of. They're not looking forward to it, but they WILL get it done and they will never regret it. Not even for a moment.
So, as you seek to understand, know that. Abortion is healthcare. That is the reality and many women don't feel any other way about it. I think you will hear less stories like that from women because the type of women who answer your call for sharing abortion experiences will more likely be women who have had bad experiences or who feel guilt and want to share it to feel better/seek forgiveness and healing through sharing.
Women who do not regret their abortion will be vastly under-represented in the stories you collect, but I think are very important stories for you to know exist. It's easier to empathize with pain, regret, loss. If you're truly seeking to transform yourselves with empathy around this issue, you need to work to meet "Oh yeah, I didn't want it so I got rid of it and feel no regret at all" with complete understanding.
When you can look a woman in the eye, and listen to her say "Yeah I got sloppy with birth control and got pregnant but I had a trip to Europe coming up that I'd been saving for for a while and it just wasn't a good time for me to even think about a pregnancy or baby so I took a pill and it was gone and EUROPE WAS AMAZING!" and feel no judgement, just acceptance, or maybe even happiness for this woman that Europe was so lit....well. That's when you know you've truly achieved your stated goal.
From the ProGrace website:
The Church being the community of grace and support Jesus intended us to be, can address the reasons of panic, isolation, and shame that cause so many people to think abortion is their only option.
What a frightening sentence to have to read.
There is no such thing as "ProGrace"--this "third option" is co-opting and trickery. The question of whether women should have full access to healthcare during pregnancy is a completely binary one. The answer is Yes or No.
You either recognize that abortion is healthcare and believe that safe access to this healthcare, from a variety of providers, for any of the many reasons a woman may need or want it, is a woman's right, OR...you do not. Period. That's the whole thing. Any vague "third choice" is marketing trickery meant to soften the face of something that should disgust us all.
Also from ProGrace:
Our Core Beliefs 1: God’s design for pregnancy is to intertwine a woman and a child. He has made it impossible for us to try to help one while bypassing the other, but instead calls us to work for the dignity and welfare of both of them.
That really sums it up, doesn't it? "God's design for pregnancy"--this isn't a stance in healthcare conversations that should be given a moment of thought. It's fiction.
If Christians would like to begin encouraging each other to stop being judgmental toward people who have had abortions, I think that would be great. But keep the whole thing in-house, make it about Christians talking to other Christians about how they can get their behavior in line with their supposed religious beliefs. Don't make the whole thing about teaching Christians how to speak more empathetically to people who have had or are considering abortion for the purpose of being able to more successfully sell Jesus to those people. Because that's what this whole thing is actually about.
If you really want to help pregnant women the way Jesus would have wanted you to, use some of that sweet, sweet untaxed money from your money piles to start a car service that ONLY gives free rides (chauffeur style with the tinted window between the driver and passenger if the passenger would like to have it up) to women and one or two support people to and from their abortions. No conversation, no strings attached. And pay for the abortions. And throw in a Starbucks card with like $25 on it. Show these women the heart of Christ with your actions, not with phony words meant to control their minds, and maybe after they have their abortion that act of no-strings-attached kindness will have made such and impact that they will seek out a "church community" themselves instead of having to be coerced and cajoled into one in a moment of true despair.
Seriously, this is your new campaign...."WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? He would drive you to your abortion and pay for it, too, cause he was just that kind of guy."
EDIT: typo.
The best piece of advice I've ever been given, received in a moment when I didn't know how to go on simply because of how broken hearted I was: The way forward is with a broken heart.
Since that day, I have noticed how many "broken-hearted but still moving" people I know. Living is hard and very few of us are not carrying wounds of some kind. But here we all are...just out here, walking around with broken hearts...but busy hands, and feet that keep moving forward.
Thank you for reading my poem.
And yet, if anything has changed at all it's because they're getting worse.
I wrote a poem over the last few days to work out my feelings about Mother's Day and my mother. I have nowhere else to share it, so I'm plopping it here, below. I think writing this was helpful for me, maybe? Not sure how I feel about the final work, but the process was actually pretty cool for working through my feelings, clipping them down. Does anyone else write for therapy, poems or anything else?
Perhaps this will resonate with some of you who have settled into similar relationships with your mothers to the one I have with mine. Anyway, here goes (dropping as an image because formatting is impossible):
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Take care of yourselves today. It's tricky, being a woman with a complicated mother relationship. It's okay to feel however we do. I hope despite everything that's ever happened, that right now you have true, deep love in your life. With someone else, for others, for yourself...just some true, deep, unshakable love. You are worthy of that, just the way you are. <3
Yes, a little louder for the American's in the room! Religious conservatism is spread the world over and is a danger to us all no matter what religion takes it up.
We cannot turn our backs on it. It cannot be contained to certain areas. It must be eradicated the world over. Women's rights are human rights. No ideology that seeks to degrade women or deny them rights, even if the women of that culture have internalized the lie of that ideology and seek to live it out, should be tolerated anywhere in the world.
The name of the religion matters little if at all. The ideology is the same. It is a man's fist gripping a woman such that she moves, breathes, even thinks at his will and whim. It makes women things to be possessed. Fuck that.
I tried hormonal IUDs and wasn't a great fit for them (hormones have always been really difficult for my body to handle) but I LOVED copper IUDs for many years. I've known so many women who raved about hormonal IUDs...lighter periods, reliable birth control--what's not to love!?
So happy your IUD works for you. I shout from the rooftops any time I'm able to about IUDs. Best birth control ever!
I'm glad to hear that your medication is so helpful for you! I am also (mostly) estranged from my mother and understand what it is like to navigate all of this without a mom. It's so strange, trying to piece together clues from what I know of her experience and then match them up to my own to see if we are the same, if I'm her daughter in the way I experience perimenopause while not really being her daughter in so many other ways.
I'm sorry menopause caused your mother to take such a turn. I bet she's really far from alone in that. It seems to have such profound emotional and mental health effects on some women. I'm lucky that age dulled my mother's edges, even if our past and the person she used to be makes it impossible for me to trust or be close with her now. At least she settled into something more peaceful with age--your mother sounds so miserable and emotionally dangerous.
Thanks again for sharing your experience. I'm so proud to take part in these conversations! We are not alone and what's happening to our bodies is not strange or bad. We deserve care when we are struggling and camaraderie as we adjust to new seasons of life. I'm so happy for all women who feel comfortable sharing, and for those who lurk and learn and feel less alone because of the women who share!
<3 <3 <3 <3
I'm so happy for your breezy menopause, but happier still that I've been hearing about and having so many conversations about peri and menopause in recent times. We've come along way from "The Change" being some spooky, hidden thing that women shoulder alone...it makes me so happy that women are discussing their experiences with one another and demanding/finding good care when they need it.
I'm not there yet, though I believe I have entered peri. I had an ablation last fall due to pretty severe, chronic cycle-related anemia and it changed my life. I definitely understand how you feel about not missing the leaking, middle of the night surprises, etc. That part of having a period being (mostly) gone for me has truly been a game changer.
Question for you, please only answer if you're comfortable: is the mood medication you are taking hormonal, like specifically for hormonal mood issues? Or traditional psychiatric medication?
I've definitely known several women who said menopause was very easy and wonderful for them. My own mother suffered pretty terribly with it, but I also know she received no care and didn't take anything to try and ease things...so I'm trying to gather as much information as I can on what is working for others. I'm hopeful that I will have an easier time of it than my mother.
Congratulations again. I wish you a continued easy breezy path. Thank you so much for sharing this with others, it's so vital that women run into conversations like this. Some women still don't know that we're out here, talking about all of this!
Anyone who wants to come is more than welcome to 🥰 It’s not terribly active at the moment. I would love for more people to come and participate in whatever conversations people find valuable.
Car crash tests check a vehicle's safety only for men. Here is how a dummy representing the ladies can make the tests better.
Well, we’ve had cars for a long time….but finally we’ll be testing them for safety for women, too.
In a sea of bad news, today this got me excited.
This is exactly the kind of abortion-ban-supportive police action we’d been hoping we wouldn’t see.
It is imperative that women seeking healthcare in states other than their own remain vigilant in their travel planning and discreet around communicating about their condition.
Truly scary times. It was difficult to imagine this reality even a year ago.
Gynecologist Guillermo Antiñolo is developing the first female medical genome according to women’s specific biological condition to be mothers
Fascinating article about a topic we need to know and talk more about!
Never is the objectification of a people more straightforward and complete than when they are pictured covered by cloth that completely obscures their face and body.
These women are all dead now, and even in their death, looking back at this moment in time one hundred years later, we can’t see them. We see figures, placeholders for people who were only allowed parts of themselves in life, and who now in death are disqualified even from being a face from the past in an old photo.
These women have been reduced to their plight. Photos like these are the reason I object to ideologies which promote the notion of modesty for women. They cover your ankles, flashes of stomach, your wrists, your chest, your neck….reducing you bit by bit, until you are gone.
When the Anti-Choice Choose By Joyce Arthur Copyright © September, 2000 Available in a French translation Available in a German translation Available in a Russian translation Abortion is a highly p…
What's a women's community without a nod to Joyce Arthur and her wonderful piece The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion? Truly a classic must-read for all people.
Regardless of sex or gender, or where one may fall in the debate around women's right to healthcare, we must all remain vigilant against the moral hazard of denying others access to healthcare (or anything else!) that we have found necessary and humane for ourselves.
Deciding whether or not to have children (instead of being resigned to it as an inevitability) is finally gaining social acceptability. But how do you decide such a thing? How do you make peace with the myriad lives you’ve chosen not to live, the experiences you’ve chosen to never have?
This piece is one of the most wonderfully written I’ve ever read about how to choose a path, and let go of the ones you’ll never travel. Truly an enjoyable read, even if you’ve already answered the question “do I have children, or no?” for yourself.
