I'm used to fiction where one character is always at the focus.

PDFs and audio would help. I not good at finding them.

I've done lots of radical body positivity and like my body when fat. But I can't bring myself to like fat on my face.

I grew up not liking my face. When I look in the mirror, I sometimes try imagining the Fallout 4 video game menu where you have to customize a face in fine pixels. Most people's natural faces in real life would look stellar in the game. Natural-looking is simply stellar in Fallout.

This method seems to stop working for me when I notice the fat on my face. It makes me sad.

When people are looking for friends. Someone told me it was rude that a person I just met left after 20 minutes. They say at an hour is courteous unless something horrific happens.

(It may be worth noting that I look female, this person is male, and we exchanged contact info before I mentioned my boyfriend later in the conversation.)

It's been several days and no contact.

I had a dream that I planted the most delicious fruit(some kind of spikey lychee) but it got so big I couldn't reach high enough to harvest it. I felt an immense amount of guilt. The lack of control over my responsibility. Fruitflies galore from unmanaged fruit. Being punished for it somehow because my family punished me over nonsensical things, simply for the joy of of abusing and controlling me. To the point I was trained to automatically control myself without them needing to punish me anymore.

I had to keep the entire house so neat and tidy that it made me want to scream everyday. Or else punishment for not being a good servant. I wasn't allowed hobbies, and if they let me do anything I liked, it was to keep me more on edge because they would go "see you can't handle this. Now we're taking it away forever. You will never be allowed again. Also you're being punished for not keeping a picture perfect job at this thing we gave you the PRIVILEGE of doing!"

I think this is about my need to escape my old programming. I love the idea of planting fruit trees. However I can't get over fear of lack of control over how big and fruitful they may get. I would like to stop feeling guilty. I love plants and homegrown food and I'd like to let go of control over how big plants can get. And let go of the possibility of some excess rotting food. Just let it happen, you know?

!comfy Just any nice stuff that's gone on there. I'd appreciate any media format. Especially video.

Naturalist remedies are popular in China. So I figure fungus(LSD and shrooms) and weed could be among the first psychedelics that will be legally distributed. I have no idea how far in the future.

I think any race conspiracy gives power to Nazis and immediately puts Jewish people at more danger. Making both US news and Zionism antisemitic. That's all I've put together.

I really should've asked this in a post long ago, I just feel embarrassed about not knowing.

The word is in entertainment a lot. Outside the context of slavery, it still triggers me. For example, I'm watching a show called Gyeongseong Creature, and characters keep saying "Master Jang." (A protagonist.) He's an ultra rich guy who owns a pawn shop. He's constantly acknowledged as if he's an authority figure. I don't have enough context about Korean culture to understand when and why people get the label "Master." It just sucks to hear.

It would help if hearing "master" and observing severe sucking up didn't feel so visceral.

He made the Birds Nest Olympic stadium in Beijing so he'll be brought up forever.

I was introduced to his work as a kid and people seem to always mention him and his work just to say "China bad." Everytime I try to listen to why it just sounds like grey unlistenable sludge. Partially because I don't know much about history in general so I don't know what the mentioned parts of Chinese history are about. My final reason to give up is because I know much/all of what I hear is probably whitewashed propaganda. If he indeed has good criticism, I don't trust Western media to not twist his words out of their original meaning.

If so, how so? I hope it doesn't because love how the song sounds.

Tbh idk what Zionism even is. I just judge from news that a lot of them, maybe up to all of them, support Israel. Feel free to educate me.

Maybe it's common in China and I just didn't spot it.

Wanting these ends on a bob that stops around or below my chin or collar bone. I want really spikey ends, hopefully with a straight line in the space between them. Literally like this picture.

Can I simply cut it this way? Do I have to use product? Can I recreate it post-haircut by simply brushing my hair? If I can't just brush it out back into this post-haircut, and I must use product, what do I use and how?

I grew up with culture and assumed everyone else had culture. Then I came across a white person who fetishized black and Asian people.

She grew up in America completely without contact with their ancestral tree for generations. I'd sit down, and they'd tell me their DNA is part Asian around 20x before I got up from my seat. She and her entire family looked completely white. That's how far back she was digging.

She's not black by any stretch, but she claimed she couldn't understand white slang because she only speaks black slang... even though she grew up with my also white boyfriend in the same white suburb neighborhood. My boyfriend simply talks like a white person.

She wore cultures as costumes. Like not growing up wearing durags then wearing one at 25 and dressing up in gang colors and lying about being in a gang, growing up in a ultra-rich suburban neighborhood and explaining to my boyfriend what is like to grow up in the hood(you grew up in the same ultra rich suburb shut up!), Buddhist beads(in her chosen gang color) with long "Buddhist nails" when they were cruel and dehumanizing at every chance, and nothing else about them was Buddhist. She is also immunocompromised, but started the pandemic insisting she wear a paisley bandana(also in the gang color) instead of medical masks I gave her a full pack of.

She claims it's distasteful to talk about feeling animosity towards the 1%, but she loves watching videos of black gangs getting shot.

They were constantly trying to look like "an exotic white person." They never realized they are just white and can only be shown around other people's cultures as a guest, but can never become "one of them." Always just as an outsider.

They taught me part of what whiteness was. Because of them I know about people who are white and nothing else.

This is not a joke. I actually don't know.

I saw some set in ancient China which seemed pretty cool. I'd love to find it and get some subtitles going.

One show had an evil character that was a woman with many lower ear piercings. Starting on her ear lobes, trailing up the edge of her ear. She seemed like a power hungry royal who'd slap and punish other women a lot. Really pretty show. Her looks and character's tendencies are why I remember it.

She responded to accusations of being a Nazi by posting she's proud of "white culture" and I'd like to quit consuming her stuff.

A Chinese communist news site full of happy news is called Sixth Tone.

Another is China's official newspaper, People's Daily.

I love what I've read on there, but I tend to barely read articles. And please, if you spot an podcast in English on one of these sites, let me know!

My perfectionism is disabling. I ban myself from doing anything I don't feel like I'll do perfect at. I barely do things I love and don't know my interests well. I love people and mingling, but I grew up selectively mute until highschool and to this day I have a hard time being direct. I overthink all texts. I used to type one sentence for hours and not send anything. My humor is very underdeveloped because I don't risk bombing jokes. There's so much I won't do unless someone is there encouraging me and enthusiastically approving of what I'm doing. I have severely low self esteem because of my level of perfectionism. I just want to hang out and chill with people and have interests that I act on.

Btw, what do you do when you need to do something you love, fast?

Like in a dehumanizing manner. I want to go by it/they/them but I'm scared I won't be able to handle it if someone does that.

I prefer giving to a mutual aid resource, but other kinds of answers are fine.

I know goodwill is shitty, I won't give to them.