Check In Thread: How Are You Doing, Comrade?
Check In Thread: How Are You Doing, Comrade?
For the older posters here, you know the drill. No struggle sessions, keep it nice.
For the newer folks, hi! I'm Corgi! I made these threads from time to time to see if everyone is doing OK. Got something cool you wanna talk about? Need an ear for venting? This is your space! Just be nice, this isn't the thread for arguments.
I made a down payment for next year's wedding recently, and I've been having a BLAST with the Retroid 3+. I've been going to the bar with the pup the last few days and just sitting with a pint and playing MVC2, Twisted Metal Black, Smash, and Mario. Met another Hexbear IRL recently, that was nice!
Hope everyone is doing well! Remember, you are loved 
Baaaad.
Good news: BF recovered from COVID about two weeks ago. Yay!
Bad News: He took up the bottle again for reasons too complex to talk about here. Then he tried to start a fight over something that is a legit grievance(I failed to be attentive to his needs, check in more) but when I tried to deescalate he continued to try and fight, and threatened to follow me if I tried to get away. (
After giving him 24 hours to cool off- he did it again over text.
So, I told him to get his stuff, now he's my ex boyfriend.
I was shocked with his behavior. He's a grief counselor ffs. But he is also a recovering alcoholic and I just met who he is after a weekend bender.
Sucks.
I'm having a bad time!
I'm single for the first time in my adult life after 8 years with the same person, so I'm using this time to try and vetter myself and get control over my vices now that I've got the freedom to introspect at my pace.
I've mostly quit smoking weed, and significantly cut back on cigarettes, and I've increased my drinking now that I've realized that I don't actually have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and was just afraid of it because of my parents being alcoholics.
I'm in a new city with no friends, no family, and no support system, so it's been really rough, but I'm determined to come out of this shit clean on the other side.
Thank you for asking, I've been looking for a place to vent a little
Hungry, trans, and really tired
I need to voice train
the usual depression about the fall of the soviet union, I miss it every day
get maybe some clothes too, but I've never cared too much about those, I'll try when I actually have some goddamn estrogen
realizing I came out to two of my friends yesterday, they were very supportive, just hasn't registered yet. They are the only people I know IRL that know this information.
Also the fact that they knew for months and were just waiting for me to open up about it was hilarious, apparently I give off "trans vibes" (idk what that means either) and how my family just has not picked up on it at all.
life is a fuck but things seem to be looking up in the short run.
Lawdy, already a fair share of negative times here, so I feel bad adding.
I'm really filled with despair this week. Despite a sizeable salary, other family conditions mean I have some very big financial problems, interest rates, housing costs, and food prices are spiking, and I think my problems are only going to get worse, and ruin my relationships with my family and my partner. I don't want to keep working a shitty job I hate just for life to remain shitty / get shittier for me and for everyone I love.
I don't see a way out right now, I can't see any glimmer of hope, so continuing to live just feels quite pointless and filled with pain. I'm doing my best to chill out, hang on, and hope the despair goes away. Time will tell I guess.
Thanks for the check in though
And serious love to all my comrades, many of whom also seem to be having a rough time of it at the moment.bad, depression and anxiety have been up lately, last month or so. also i just quit my job. management made my coworker call the cops on someone hiding out with a warrant. they got him and now he will do like 7 years. i'm just thinking about all the ways I could have averted that but didn't. i feel like shit.
Girl I have been chasing isn't texting me while she deals with ongoing family drama. About to go into work at a job that's come to be extremely stressful, one I sought originally to get less stress. I had acting class at community college today. Called out sick yesterday because I was super depressed and having back pain and needed to do homework anyway. Made a wire sculpture of my shoe for 3D design class.
Have been obsessively playing Baldur's Gate 3 for over a week now and got like 80 hours in so far. Thinking about writing but not doing much of it.
TLDR sad but plugging along, the usual
[cw: grief, animal death]
my cat died a little over a week ago and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm just sad all the time. It was so sudden and so violent. We brought him in to check out his breathing and he stopped breathing within an hour. I had to watch him struggle for breath with a tube down his throat as my last memory. I don't even feel like I got to say goodbye, because he was so drugged up he didn't know what was happening around him. fuck I'm crying again right now fuck
Surviving, temps are below 90's for the last few days. Down from the 100+ they have been for the last month.
Friend of my wife dropped off a small air conditioner after casually mentioning the unpleasant sounds coming from current air conditioner. So, we've finally got a tiny A/C unit to keep the bedroom cool enough to sleep in.
Keep flipping a coin on whether I'm going to buy a cell phone battery to try to keep this ancient iPhone 6 going or scraping together the cash to buy a reasonably priced newer model and by that I mean some other refurbished smart phone from like 5 years ago or something.
looks at the notifications icon I really should read those. Been a bit too tired from the heat to want to read through them. Its going to be like finding some hidden presents from last years birthday/Christmas when I get around to it.
Time to go take care of the animals.
Be cool with yourselves.
I'm exhausted comrades
I work a job currently that is 60 hours a week... 5 days with 12 hours. No breaks, though the work isn't that hard. And although it's hourly I get no overtime. No paid leave, no sick leave.
I don't know how much longer I can stand it but there's not really any other jobs that I can pay the bills with around, at least until my SO graduates college and can start helping pay the bills.
I had a fever of 102° yesterday but still had to go in because I don't feel like I have much choice.
Also I feel so disconnected from society. I know literally nobody here. I moved close to my SO's school so we could live together. A year and a half later I have no friends, no connections. No social life. Working 60 hours doesn't help either. But it's not a large town and there doesn't seem to be a lot of people around my age or other opportunities to form connections.
Eh. Mixed bag. I finished my doxycycline treatment for Lyme and feeling maybe 75% better than I did a few weeks ago. Hope it continues to improve.
Girl I was casually seeing decided to break things off, which is good because I really wasn't feeling it either. Just mildly distraught because, even though it was mutual, I'm genuinely starting to wonder if I'm actually dateable. I'm kind of weird and have niche interests and am generally pretty aimless in life. So not really an ideal partner for anyone. I know the answer is to just fix those things but...
Otherwise I've decided to actually start going to a gym. I've done light home workouts before but never actually gone to a real gym. I know everyone feels some level of embarrassment at first but I'm nervous. I'm so clearly not fit (6'4 lanklet) that it'll be rough at first, I'd imagine. But maybe it's the sort of routine that I need.
i had good naan the other day and im still stoked about it
I started therapy last week. Gonna work on getting my ASD diagnosis. Lost my job a few weeks ago(it was well paying and what I went to school for.) I guess I'm not cut out to be a software developer either. I'm taking that pretty hard since I guess I shouldn't have wasted my time with school if I was gonna end up at the same spot...
Severe depression is in overdrive now. I'm numb. I don't want to be here anymore. But I have a wife and 2 kids that love me and I love them and I'm tethered to this god-forsaken place for them. If I didn't have them, I'd probably kill myself. I'm 40 years old and can't keep a job for more than 2 years. I'm fucking useless. I've been unemployed more than I have been employed since I first started working. I get a job and try my best and after a while I just get fired. It's how it is.
Back to the super depressing bullshit that is filling out job applications. A-fucking-gain... I'm not qualified for anything. and what I am qualified for pays bullshit wages.
Had an anxiety attack that lasted a week. It wasn't bad so much as just there the entire time. I cried 5 times last week over various stupid shit.
I signed up and got accepted into the Marxist Unity Group pre-screening stuff but didn't know I was supposed to read 100 pages of their text a week I would be more on board for that if they had it in a format that worked on my ereader but it's only in pdf. I've tried several times to convrert it but the text parses all fucky and you end up with page headers and citations stuff in the middle of paragraphs. I donno if I wanna bother trying more. But the group aligns with a lot of what I wanna see with the left coming together as a unified party.
Still trying to work on learning Kotlin for no fucking reason since entry level Kotlin developers require 5+ years of experience so like do I just make stupid fucking apps for 5 years without being able to afford to feed my family and then hope I can get a job? There is a small thing I wanted to write for the Jerboa app, but idk if they would accept it as a merge. I think I know enough that I can add left-handed mode for comments and it's a feature request. I also wanna make a feature that pushes images in feed view to the left because I liked that about Sync for Reddit.
If anyone knows someone hiring remote for shitty software developer or self-taught Linux nerd, I'm looking for a job. No worries if they fire me in 2 years, as a prereq. since I'm used to it.
Maybe I should take writing back up. I was working on a meta-horror book series that I just sort of stopped after chapter 2... is anyone interested in a horror story that makes fun of horror tropes?
Hi, I'm new to the community and just wanted to say I fucking love it here so far. Everyone is so fucking nice and understanding while being honest and authentic, I genuinely have learned so much and love coming back to this site. This thread is the perfect example lol.
Doing pretty great. Starting a new job in two weeks I'm excited for! Questioning whether I have autism. Went out and had a good night socializing and shit. Life is doing pretty good rn.
This past weekend, I got texted by a friend asking if I was invited to a party I was not invited to by some people from our dance group. About 23 people were invited. She asked because she and her husband were not, and was sure that if I came, I would make sure they were invited. I felt hurt by that, but I also learned who my friends are.
On the other hand, I have finally got over my anxiety around the whole thing, and finally decided to go to some kink stuff, munches and that, and it's been going great! People there are easy to talk to and quite similar to me. I am intimidated by my lack of experience, as well as the idea of asking anyone to play, but being with them feels quite good!
Im doing okay I think. I started teaching English to foreign students this summer. And it's alright, the work is draining, and follows me home too. So not a fan of that. Also while the pay is good 44 bucks an hour. That does not include the hour or 3 it takes me to build a lesson. So it turns out I'm making about the same as I've been making at the grocery store. I enjoy not being physically exhausted after a day of teaching. But I am now mentally exhausted instead and kind of just watch youtube for 3 hours before falling asleep. And this was just teaching 4 times a week. The full time teachers are teaching 5 days and for 5 or 6 hours a day. I can't imagine having the energy to do that.
So I'm switching back to working mostly at the grocery store starting in a few weeks. I get paid what I work and when I'm at home I don't need to think about work.
I don't know what the right choice is. I feel like a weak willed wimp who can't just suck it up and commit to working hard enough to make the teaching thing work. I feel like the grocery store job is going to break my body eventually though.
I just want to put in some work, make enough to provide food for myself and my significant other. And I'm just feeling like no matter what I do I'm running to stay in place or falling behind. This is all completely ignoring that I often feel like my teaching is completely terrible and I'm going to ruin someone's education, but I think that is just imposter's syndrome.
Thanks for giving me a place to vent this out.
Great! The ADHD meds are working extremely well for me and I can actually do stuff, both boring stuff and stuff I like.
Living in a constant state of unexplainable anxiety is apparently something you can treat with medicine sometimes.
Life is still bad in many ways, few actual friends, few chances for romance, still have to deal with some bad coping habits. But at least I can face these things better.
On the one hand I have managed to save some money this year. On the other hand I had a ton of small health problems. Nothing big but it sucks to see a doctor every 1-2 months. Sometimes mutliple times in one month.
Oh and im reconnecting with some old friends so that is cool. Getting ready to met some new people who are friends of friends. Maybe I will get even more friends.
yesterday they delivered a mattress and one of those adjustable bed frames i ordered a few weeks ago, and took away my old mattress (14 years, originally $200). i haven't had a good night's sleep in probably 3+ years and only thought about "maybe it's the mattress" after stumbling on some discussion online where somebody posted almost-religiously about figuring out their sleep style and getting a decent mattress to suit it.
so fuck it, i did the whole deal where i went to a place and laid down on a bunch of mattress/frame configurations. almost zonked out in the store on one of them in a few minutes. my first night (last night) i slept like a rock. normally i toss and turn like an angry pig, trying to do some kind of bullshit pillow+blanket contortion tetris. this was the first time my morning alarm woke me up in god knows how long, with me being in the near exact position i laid down in. normally the first hint of light has me waking up and stirring around in addition to all the other times i would do it throughout the night.
all this set me back a chunk of change, but its starting to look like one of my all time best moves.
A bit late this.
Also posted my reply to the wrong thread at first because tired.
But here we go, it was my last day of my summer work today and am a bit bummed out that an able-bodied co-worker announced midday that they have a very sore throat. After spending hours in my space. Made a joke about how everyone now gets a holiday (sick) thanks to her. She is also a racist, have noticed over the summer how she talks about minorities and is kind of ok with the alt-right government we now have. This person has power over the lives of folks that already in a very tough spot, that is the nature of our work.
I have been doing remote mostly because last time I got sick was last April when I had to do a lot of in person work and had a week off. So now I have a week off before my studies start in my unmasked university that got me sick last autumn. I did mask then but got it anyway, I am middle aged and at the uni with all the young folks.
One would think people doing social care work would know better or care more, but turns out the ableism in these spaces is the worst.
Have done so well at work too after I have realized I am audhd mid-pandemic and am better with my needs these days. But this you do you pandemic is wearing me out, have long hauled every time I got it. My partner is high risk and my everything so I am also scared of losing him.
Did not mask in the office because it is so stigmatized here, I did until last spring, but mentally could not anymore. Nobody here has masked since summer 2022.
Also my countrys government is looking to ban the symbols of communism and a liberal on Mastodon told me this is good because "the stuff from the black book of communism" basically. So just feeling a bit down today.
Going back to school half time on top of a relatively comfy job and oof I forgot how much I hate change, plus the workload is a bit daunting.
Trans dungeon started up and it seems like they're taking covid precautions super seriously. Want to be involved but don't want to overload myself. But I need social interaction...
Met some really cool new people over the past few months and made friends, turns out they're all LGBT like me lmao. I find it very interesting how we all sussed each other out and became friends, gaydar is definitely real for me at least lol. They're the only people I'm out of the closet to in real life now, so yeah being semi-closeted sucks. Also not able to see them in person for a while yet, which is also shit.
