What's the most basic thing you can't do?

I thought I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.

Was surprised I started mixing up left and right after I broke my right-hand wrist while biking.

Turns out I subconsciously associated "right" for the direction my stronger hand was on, and once my left hand started feeling like the more dominant one during recovery - my brain would automatically choose that "right" should be on my left-hand side instead, until I actively thought about which direction is which.

This gradually decreased out as my right hand recovered and got back to being the dominant one over the next few years, but was eye-opening what shortcuts my brain uses for such basic things.

Considering almost every one of my ancestors for the last few hundred million years managed to have sex at least once, I'd say it's pretty remarkable how I've managed to avoid it so far

navigate the social landscape of a corporate office

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Process sugar (diabeetus)

I have no sense of direction. None.

I work in construction. If I show up to a site that is completely built, I get lost. If the floor is symmetrical in layout, I am totally screwed. It took me two full days on site once to get adjusted.

When assigned to a new site, if there are more than a few turns in a commute, I'm using the GPS to get there for a couple of weeks.

Also, I had no idea half of the people on this planet couldn't whistle.

Whistle.

Tell right from left without thinking about it.

Read a map, unless it's oriented the way I am facing. My mind will not flip it.

I've never been able to ride a bike without at least one hand on the handlebars.

Associates faces with names easily.

Like I'll remember who you are, but I won't remember your name. Got me into trouble a few times

Edit: also forgot, but this includes associating the names of places. Combined with the fact that I can'trememberr paths and situate places I see IRL on a map, I get lost often.

Remember people's names or faces

Tell a joke or story in a linear fashion. I'm always fucking up, or realizing halfway through that I've left out an important detail. It's how my mind works but I'm sure it's frustrating to others. Plus I just get flop sweat sometimes.

I can't whistle. Honestly I think it's because one of my lower front teeth is crooked, twisted at an angle. 🤷‍♂️

Remember how many days are in each month. I mean, I guess maybe I could if I tried harder, but I refuse.

EDIT: ok I'm seeing everyone's tips here, and thank you, but I gotta say... None of these heuristics seem any amount easier to remember. 😭

Put the ball into an open net in Rocket League.

I used to be unable to jump, but then I did Morris dancing. I learned how to jump normally at 27.

Be myself.

I can't wink. Other people make it seem so easy, the best I can do is a scrunched up face with a sliver of one eye open enough to see

Snap my fingers. That or whistle.

Swallow pills. It takes 3-4 tries every time for the smaller ones.

Not sure what you would call it but i dont mask my reactions very well. If I'm disgusted it shows on my face, if I'm angry it shows, if im happy it shows. The only thing I can do to conceal my emotion is to hold a neutral face which is interpreted as disinterest or boredom.

It's good because I don't have to try hide anything I just do what I do and go through life answering any questions people have. But it's bad when I know I shouldn't react in a way and everyone can tell my reaction. Example someone died in my workplace and everyone was looking sad but I was smiling because I didn't know the guy and we were getting half a day off work paid. Or my girlfriend was overly upset about something I thought was trivial and she said I look like I don't care and I said yes I don't care.

The amount of times I've been in a serious conversation and had someone ask me "what's funny about that" and I have to tell myself don't answer that.

Cooking. I've tried learning multiple times but I still can't really make anything more complicated than boiling pasta or frying eggs or a grilled cheese. I wish I could learn but everytime someone tries to teach me I can't retain what they teach me and do it independently. I'm constantly fucking up in the kitchen which leads me to waste food, which my parents drilled into me is like the worst sin you can commit, so I stopped trying. I hated throwing things out because I'd fucked them up, especially because by that point I'd be so hungry that my failure would have an outsized effect on my emotions, and I wouldn't want to try again. So I just order food, make simple things like noodles and sandwiches, and avoid anything more complicated.

i cant understand distorted speech, while most people around me obviously can. i have never been able to understand anyone speaking into a loudspeaker.

Draw a straight line. I've got an essential tremor.

Not me but my partner is 36 yrs old and can't swim.

I just can't even right now or later. I don't care if that makes me basic.

Whistle

Shut the fuck up

even

Sit cross-legged. I can do it for maybe 10 seconds max, but it's just so uncomfortable. Never was able to even as a kid. I think I'm just not flexible at all.

Fold long sleeve buttoned shirts

Swim

Keeping my systems (laptop, smartphone,...) properly maintained and functional (software-wise).

They are always just a barely functioning mess hanging on a last thread. Getting around bugs instead of finding fixes, ignoring non-critical errors, using 50 simpler tools instead of 1 more complicated one because it feels easier at first, holding off-of updates because it absolutely will break something in my stupid setup, doing something in a simpler stupider alternative way instead of doing it properly,...

Basically a software equivalent to old beaten up laptop you got for free that has broken plastic fixed with duct tape, few broken keys, half of the screen's backlight not working and charging connector holding on velcro.

Fall asleep.

Well, I guess it does technically eventually happen to me sometimes somehow. But not when it should.

recognize, remember, confront people. anything people.

Burp - I just can’t do it. Also whistle or roll my Rs

Eat bread (celiac). And riding a bike...

Diving. Thousands blown along multiple failed exams. Still get made fun of in my family and work due to that.

Being social

I can't snap very well. Or whistle

Remember where I put my keys and or wallet. Def didn't put them in the bowl my wife got for me by the door specifically to put those things in.

Two things at once.

Walk more than 20 meters at a time.

Allow my blood to be taken.

Calculate a fucking tip

Initiate conversation with no pretext

Skate backwards. I am really good going forwards, carving, hockey stops, but try to go backwards and I'm an unsteady infant.

Order a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks while wearing ugg boots

Figure out when a kettle of piratoes is ready. I can cook a lot of stuff, but when boiling potatoes I always need my GF to check if they're ready.

Edit: potatoes. No fucking idea what happened with my spelling

At times, I still miscount.

Brushing my teeth too close after eating. If I do it, I will throw up.

Figure out how to make sexual intercourse or masturbation physically pleasurable. Most people seem to get it naturally, but I can't crack the code.

Auditory processing. Say a vaguely complex paragraph to me and I won't get anything out of it. It is just one of those things I have to explain to people and ask them to request things in writing. Writing is the polar opposite, I can have details stick with me for decades.

Anything physical. Running is out of the question, I would collapse the moment I tried. I can actually climb decently, but due to susceptibility of failing, I don't. Can't swim, even if I can make it look like I can for a moment. I'm not a flying monkey so I can't fly. And the only dance I can do is the fortnite dance.

Math

Ride a bike

Don't you all count your knuckles for that?

I should think for a few seconds before talking about right or left directions. I sometimes make mistake when I say it without hesitation!

I can't even think of an answer to this question.

Maintain a basic schedule.

I can't turn left.

whistle

tell when it's about to rain by looking at the sky

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Cook

Whistle.

Swim with any amout of grace or skill. I can slowly and sloppily splash my way around thats about it.

Jaysus wept, there's many I can argue:

Cannot play even one instrument

Cannot listen to tonal languages properly

Cannot ride a bike

Getting laid and stop being a virgin. And no, I don't want to pay for a pro to lie me.

Whistle.

When I try to tie a knot it works maybe 12% of the time

What about Tiananmen Square…?!? That was kinda cool for the CCP!

I wasn’t there but maybe someone here was.

Oh wait.

No.

They were all killed and then turned to mush by tanks repeatedly driving over the bodies and then hosed dune the drains.

GLORY TO THE CCP AND HOW WONDERFUL THEY ARE TO ALL THE PEOPLE.