I(m20) purchased my sister(f13) tickets to Simone Biles's "Gold Over America" tour for her birthday, but my mom punished her for wanting to go
I(m20) purchased my sister(f13) tickets to Simone Biles's "Gold Over America" tour for her birthday, but my mom punished her for wanting to go
I am not the OP. These posts were made by u/throwramalo on Reddit
OOP's original post was made to r/ relationship advice in 2021 before the subreddit implemented a rule for 18+ posts only. So when OOP tried to make a new update, he wasn't allowed to, so he instead added it to the bottom of the post she shared on his own subreddit
Original Post: October 22nd, 2021
I don't live with my parents and moved into a dorm when I went to college. I'm attending out of state and moved out for personal reasons, but I moved out on decent terms because I compromised after something happened in high school. One of the reasons I moved out was because of an argument that came at the tail end of other personal things from over the years. My parents are heavily involved in their church (they're both leaders), and long story short, they weren't crazy about my girlfriend and preferred I date someone from the church who would share the same belief. I met my ex-girlfriend at a job I worked in high school, and it's important to note that my sister and I were homeschooled through a group that is associated with our church. So, they didn't like when I found someone outside of that circle and began to tell me that they "shouldn't have let me get a job" at 16
So, as a result, they began to treat my sister differently and said that they wouldn't let her work until she graduated, and they have been more adamant about keeping her social interaction to within the church only since I was 16ish with my ex. They also made her go through a purity course that I didn't have to along with telling her lies about my ex being someone who slept around (at 16), and they constantly used her as an example too. I only introduced them to my ex-girlfriend out of respect I felt I owed them at the time, but if I could do it over, I wouldn't because of how it caused them to treat my sister differently. From only church friends to purity and not letting her wear certain swimsuits or fitted clothes that "looks like something my girlfriend would wear" as they once said, I regretted it because they were strict on her because of me, and they hated my ex because she wasn't religious and said she was why I stopped going to church around that age
After my girlfriend and I broke up eventually (when we were still in high school), I became close with my sister and tried to spend more time with her, and I also decided to attend a weeknight Bible study and take her to youth to get back in their graces, and we bonded on those drives and had some good talks (where I vented about my parents), and they even eased up on my sister somewhat after we broke up (letting her go to a sports camp in the summer that wasn't a part of our church). I knew I wasn't religious, but going to church felt familiar when I was depressed, and my parents easing up felt like another plus. If it meant she'd have it easier, I figured it was bearable. So, I continued to attend through graduation until I moved out and went to college on good terms, and I kept a connection with her as a result until I screwed it up recently, and that's why I'm looking for advice
My sister wanted tickets to Simone Biles's "Gold Over America" tour for her birthday, and she told me during one of our usual calls as I'm on dorm. However, I've quickly come to regret it since coming home for her birthday like I always had, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to anymore. When I purchased the tickets, I surprised her with a premium pass that allowed her to be on the floor with the other performers during the final act to dance alongside them, and it also comes with a Q&A meeting among other things too. She was really excited when she received everything, and her parents seemed excited too. However, her parents called me a few days later once I went back to my dorm, and their stance was different from the night she received it. They said that they weren't allowing her to go and pointed to the olympics as the reason why, and they blamed me for buying the tickets and said I "should've known better".
They pointed to how Simone Biles withdrew and said that she was "teaching girls to be soft" and compared it to participation trophies that are "supposed to make you feel good about mediocrity". They also said that Simone was "getting a pass because everyone who's black currently is", and they said it was the "same as George Floyd" because people "overlooked his criminal past to push the BLM message". They also said that "society is encouraging you to be a victim by praising her for withdrawing", and they even said that Serena Williams got a "pass for her meltdowns because she's black" and even called her a "bad role-model". They also said that the phrase mental health is "being thrown around like the girls who claim Me Too" because they think that the victims are at fault, and talking to them was like talking to a brick wall no matter what I refuted. For future context, mom's black and dad is hispanic
I was not aware of their stance on Simone until they called, but I knew their stance on BLM and even talked to my sister in the past about how it was wrong during 2020 especially. I just didn't expect them to rope their rant about Simone into it, and they said I wasn't allowed to see her anymore because I "should've known better" before purchasing the tickets. My sister also hasn't answered her phone since I spoke to them, and I fully believe that they are responsible for it. I just need advice on how to fix this situation because I feel like they're serious about not letting me see her anymore, and I'm open to anything to fix this situation
Update: March 21st, 2022
As of writing, I'm currently on a break from school to focus more on work, but I plan to go back soon to finish my bachelors. I also haven't been able to see my sister since my last update where my parents said they didn't want me around her anymore, and that included taking her to church too. I was really hard on myself for giving the tickets because I felt it ruined everything we had, but I've since found a therapist who's been really helpful, and she is the reason I'm updating. I was very sheltered growing up because of homeschooling, but talking to her has really been eye-opening too
My therapist helped me realize my mistake in going back to church in high school for the reasons that I did; the breakup with my high school ex that had me really down, and because I felt guilty for my parents being strict on my sister as a result of me getting a girlfriend. I convinced myself that I could make her life easier by returning to church and getting to drive her (to youth) that gave us time to talk in the car away from my parents (about many of their harmful views), but my therapist said that my parents never eased up; they simply dangled privileges because their love was conditional and based on church. She also said that they were a ticking time bomb because their end goal was probably to get me to return to church more than just Wednesday Bible study, but me buying the tickets was probably their last straw
She said that my parent's treatment of my sister was not my fault, but solely theirs because I was in high school and that I felt the need to take it on myself. I'm trying to do better while continuing with my therapist, and we established that I'll no longer keep any communication with my parents. In regards to my sister, she said she could probably find ways to reach me if she truly wanted to someday (from friends who know me or when she gets her own devices someday). My therapist also told me not to beat myself up because until meeting her, I barely had any outside opinions that could give advice (I knew people at my job in high school, but we weren't close except for my ex, and I was introverted in college too). She also said that religious people can be really conditional in their love and especially in the case of really religious parents, and talking to her has taught me so much that I never knew from being homeschooled. I believe I'll hear from her again someday, but my therapist is suggesting working on myself at the moment and trying to be stable enough to be able to give her a place one day potentially since my parents won't let her work, and that's pretty much my only goal right now
I am not OOP