8mo ago

Edison

115 comments

Just as the ducks at the park are free, there is also no legal requirement to answer the phone in particular way. Hit folks with a, "Ahoyhoy", "Howdy", "Whats good brother?", or for the more adventurous, "Ralphs Roadkill Cafe. You kill it, we grill it."
- "Dave's pizza and abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce" is a particularly spicy one I've heard.
  
  Jim's abortion clinic ... We deletus your fetus
  
  "You rape em, we scrape em"
  (I do not condone this message)
- I usually get people with: “Anons Morgue: you kill ‘em, we chill ‘em.”
  
  In my family it was variations of "Hello, Joe's whatever. Insert rhyme here."
  One of my favorites was "Joe's mortuary, you stab 'em we slab 'em."
  
  "You bag 'em, we tag 'em"
- My go to is “Yellow”
  
  Mine is somewhere between yellow and howdy. If you call a Texas Drunk you should be prepared for a "Yeowdy".
- I usually hit my friends with the "sup fuckface"
  
  I throw a fucko out there into the world every now on then
- "Duffy's Morgue, you stab em we slab em."
- Snackbar Harry, Harry speaking

Moshi Moshi
- I like the explanation that devious spirits cannot say this phrase and that's why it's used. Apparently it's also just a casual way of saying "I'm ready to talk" and was used by early telephone operators in Japan. It's most likely people just ended up copying the phrase from operators and aren't worried about being tricked by foxes.
  
  Mosh moof
  Fuck, I can't do it, they're right!
  
  I like the explanation that devious spirits cannot say this phrase and that’s why it’s used
  Evil spirits can not say the same word twice in a row. Foxes can not say "moshi". With "moshi moshi" you get a 2-for-1 special.
- Japanese people answer their phone like that, everything is fine.
  I answer my phone like that, I'm branded a weaboo for the rest of my life.
- I can't read this phrase anymore without reading it in Admiral Kizaru's voice automatically.

Fuck Edison.
- Graham-bell isn't better. He was super duper ableist and pressured Helen Keller to identify with her blindness instead of her deafness

- I thought of the same. I assumed this anachronism was meant to imply he was incredibly old and around for the initial rollout of the telephone.
- I love the fact that Burns answers the phone this way. Subtle jokes like this are the reason why The Simpsons is infinitely rewatchable.

Edison deserves hate for more than that

slow heavy breathing
- open mouth chewing on potato chips "Yeah?"
  
  "TIMMY, put those down!"
  [child shrieking in the background]
  
  Angry Silence
  
  With adjusted volume to make it louder for the listener

Edison was a cunt.

Edison was apparently quite successful, to the point where some languages other than English have a word that sounds like "hello" (for example, Russian "allo") which is used only when answering the phone.
- French as well I think
  
  Yeah there's a whole TV show about that from the 80s.
- That makes sense cause in Brazil we say "alô" when answering the phone, a word that only seems to exist for this single purpose.
- In Thailand, they use the the German hallo (hello).
- In Finnish we also say "haloo"

Funny thing: "Hello" was actually not a common greeting until that point.
- I've always been curious how people greeted each other before "hello". Did we just say "good day" and variations thereof?
  
  Most English speakers actually used "wazzup" like those Budweiser commercials
  
  Greetings, traveler.
  
  Well, Howdy is a contraction of "How do you do?", hence the somewhat rarer "Howdy do!", and Goodbye is a contraction of "God Be With You!"

opens phone, "...moshi mo..." infinibonked for weebery

So apparently the new shit spam evil calls can record the most minimal sample of your voice and then spoof it to your friends and family…
It almost seems worth saying nothing until ‘they’ say something, but then, what if they are a spoofed caller…
Oh shit. Just don’t use phones any more.
- If you don't recognize the number, answer in a funny accent. That's how you defeat the voice harvesters.
  ring ring Sombrero repair, como es?
  ring ring [deep voice] Investigations.
  ring ring HJECKIN?
  ring ring [high pitched voice] OOIIO BO IMA SO GLAD YE RANG DOLLINGA
  ring ring thinkyefurcullinpapajhonzzewoodyalacktatryourpapalopadoussoosageasperigusdoughdopoloostoday?
  ring ring [monkey noises]
  ring ring OOOOOHHHHHHHH COME ON EILEEN, I BEG OF YA PLEASE
  ring ring [raspy voice] Jerome?
  ring ring [dictation voice, right up against microphone] THANK YOU FOR FALLING KMART. PLEASE LET US KNOW WHAT YOU ARE CALLING ABOUT SO WE MAY DIRECT YOUR CALL
  ring ring [moaning so intense it would make Sarah Grey blush]
  ring ring WEAR MAH CHIL' SUPPORT AT JEROME
  ring ring [play Gilbert Garfield directly into microphone]
  
  ring ring "Drinking urine and help with kidney stones"
  
  Then they just scam your friends family with you doing a funny voice.
- Unless I am expecting a call, such as a delivery I just dont answer phone calls, if it's important they will call again, if it's less important they can message me like a normal human being.
- I mostly don't ever answer calls I don't recognize, and even the ones I do I don't often answer if I'm at work etc. I've only answered calls when it's for something important being delivered, fixed, or scheduled (recent examples in same order: TV, Internet, renting a place(less recent, but all I could think of)).
- I had a friend try to use AI to mimic my voice and make me say some goofy stuff and it sounded nothing like me, so I think I've lucked out on that front
  It has been a while though, and it's possible the technology has progressed to be able to clone my uncloneable voice
  !I was tempted to say chat member but I hate advertising or talking about that at all, so enjoy this spoiler explaining something that didn't need explaining!<

Ahoy hoy
- Excellent

Had to look it up, and the story is actually really interesting. Heres a great article from NPR
https://www.npr.org/sections/krulwich/2011/02/17/133785829/a-shockingly-short-history-of-hello

Fun fact - this is why Mr. Burns always answers the phone with "ahoy"

Ahoy, guys.
Be the change you want to see in this world, don't let Thomas Edison continue to shit on everything from his grave.

my go-to when im forced to answer unknown callers is "who is this?". then i disconnect if they dont answer my question
- "Who dares to disturb my slumber?"
- To me it sounds like OP's opener is exactly for people who aren't contacts saved in his phone. It sounds perfect to me
  
  The only folk who have trouble identifying themselves when calling my private phone, are spammers.

Pronto
- Based Meucci enjoyer
- Is it just to swedes "pronto" sounds like it would mean "hurry up"? Or is that everyone?
  
  In Italian it just means "ready", but in English is used in a completely different way. Probably Sweden got the usage from English
  
  Vad har det med Sverige att göra? As a Spanish speaker, that's just one its meanings in Spanish.
  
  Ive always heard it to mean "hurry up" or "be quick" too.
  ... I am 1/4 swedish though so I dunno?

Thomas Edison kinda looks like my granduncle who was beating his wife.
- Your Gruncle, you say?

Imagine Edison trying to patent the "hello" greeting to get royalties every time someone answered the phone.
Then the incel fanbois defending Edison, insisting he invented the term 'hello".
- At this point I think there are more incel fanbois overhyping Tesla, still believing he really did have perpetual energy death rays invented by Ancient Egyptian aliens
  Dude was brilliant, but he was also very, very crazy... and a name that comes up a lot when I'm on the "Spirit Science and Ancient Aliens are perfectly valid methods of self-education in comparison." side of Youtube
  Not that I'm defending Edison mind you, every cent he ever gained was earned by Tesla.

Let's compromise!
Alloy.
Or what we can agree on: HO. Omg Santa was right all along.
- Great, now I'm fighting metal dinosaurs.

I answer with "Yes?"
It gets straight to the point
- What if you end up in a verbal contract
  
  Then say "yes?*"
  *This is a question asking what you are calling for and does not create joinder.
- I always liked in Momento he picked up the phone and immediately asked, "Who is this?"
  
  The dutch way