Recently learned that an individual who is causing the most strife and division on my team is super hard-core MAGA Trumper. It really brings a clearer picture on why he is attacking I and the other women on the team and why those he hired are only white men. I'm already nervous about the upcoming election, but to see a supporter so emboldened in his views in the workplace gives me a more in-your-face view of how these people want their day-to-day.
Once upon a time I had the belief that such people were merely lacking information. Maybe that they were a little lacking in empathy, but that their positions were primarily a matter of poor exposure to ideas.
I now that though for some that is true, for the overwhelming majority it is not. They back authoritarian views in full understanding of what that entails for their fellow humans, and they like it.
How able are you to evade political violence should it come to your area? Could you get involved with mutual support/defense groups, or form one? People like your team member get away with a lot within civil society, but come asunder should stuff kick off and norms come under strain.
Meantime, be good to yourself. You're far from alone.
Thank you for this kind reply; I needed it this morning.
I'm a bit perturbed by the overlap of "toxic-tech-broism" and authoritarian support; to a point where I sometimes want to escape corporate tech all together. I've posted a while ago on Beehaw asking how to transition from corporate to a possibly non-profit or government job instead; but my battery for this effort is depleted right now. There is an end in sight within a few months for this project, and my plan is to find a different job with a more progressive team hopefully.
May you also find peace in your own journey in this world; it’s nice to know it's not a lonely route.
Pretty good!
After reading about Windows Recall last week I decided I'm making the change to Linux. (Dual boot for now, since I'm an avid gamer and don't want to lose my games, so I need a few months to make sure nothing will break.)
Currently typing this from my fresh installation of Brave on my fresh installation of Linux Mint.
Feels good to say "!@#$ you, Microsoft".
Good on ya! I'm really considering it as well. I've never liked windows 11 and I basically only use my desktop for gaming anyway, so I really should consider doing the same. I guess I'm just lazy and afraid I might lose game/steam compatibility? Anything you can share regarding that?
On the distro I chose, Linux Mint, Steam is easily available via the Software Manager, and roughly half of my games are Steam-compatible out of the box. Steam actually has a toggle in your game library that indicates your games that are Linux-compatible. For those that aren't, there's https://www.protondb.com/, where you can check the database to see if particular games are compatible and get installation tips to help with compatibility.
Installation was very easy with info available on Youtube and the Linux Mint website.
All it cost me was $7 for a USB drive in order to create the ISO file.
I should add that I kept Windows as well, due to my extensive video game library. You can have both and just use Linux for most things in order to upgrade your security and efficiency, and just switch to your Windows boot in order to play games that aren't on Linux.
Welcome to the shitshow. :D As an aside, if you're ever running non-Linux apps outside of Steam, I can't recommend Bottles enough. I've been using it for games and others apps and my experience with it has been awesome.
3 days off, going to go see AC/DC Wednesday... so thats pretty good
It's friday.
I made it to the gym and feel glorious. I'm on Day 4 of being a primary Linux user and it feels nice to know that I'm digitally flipping Microsoft the bird.
Yo man, same. I decided to go to the gym today for the first time since February and... well, I'm not as strong as I used to be, that's for sure, but it felt really good. I think I'll start doing it more.
Also -- as someone on year 8 of his Linux journey, the start of the road can be rocky, but as long as you stick with it and learn the Linux way of doing things, it is very much worth it. A lot of people like customizing every aspect of their system, and as we all know Linux can deliver that, but I'm very much a fan of a system that just gets out of my way and lets me get stuff done, and Linux can deliver that too.
I feel awful. Tested negative for COVID, but I haven't felt this bad since I had it.
I applied to one job opening and already want to give up
My biggest enemy is me 🥲
Keep at it! Remember job applications and interviews are just an elaborate game for people to find out if you'd be a match. Rejection doesn't mean you're not capable.
Thank you! Appreciate the message, sometimes I need to remember this
Fucking amazing. First burn, work goes well. I'm actually happy in my own skin after decades of crippling depression.
Peak summer here, hottest monday at 47C, its just lovely! Other than that things are looking up, hopefully i'll get stuff done.
By any chance are you living in India?
yup. i'm used to summers but its getting worse every year.
Currently I'm just waiting out job applications to hopefully pay me more than my two part time jobs (or at least one of them) and have me working less for it
We're deep into second kiddo territory (6 weeks) and I think I'm just feeling a bit burned out. The jump from zero to one child is HUGE and there was a lot of mourning the loss of our freedom/life for both my wife and I. We're feeling the same dip now that we're back into dealing with a newborn ~2 years later and while not as severe, I can tell for myself it's there and bothering me. I've also been back to work the last three weeks so my schedule is basically go to work (from home) all day, take the baby most of the evening while we chase a 2 year old around, get the 2 year old to bed, then hand off the new kiddo around 8:30 - 9 so I can go to bed and I get them back somewhere around 10-11 depending on the last bottle for the rest of the night. Both kids have been good sleepers (thank god) but I'm still getting woken up somewhere around 3am for that middle of the night bottle.
No time for really much else. I know intuitively it will get better because I saw it happen before, it's just rough right now. No time for the mrs, hobbies, friends, etc...and I think we were figuring it out with number one really well. Just all hitting me the last few days.
Luckily both kids are freaking adorable and the older one is overflowing with personality as they're learning, saying, repeating more and more from daycare. It's been awesome to see them just explode in their development. I also understand now why some parents would have leashes for their toddlers.
On my honeymoon :3 (missing our cat so much we are god's strongest soldiers)
I got bored and installed Arch on my desktop. I'm back on Arch after using Ubuntu for years.
spent the weekend at a wedding a couple of hours away. sent the two herding dogs to my agility coach and the chi mix to a friend's house for boarding. chi mix and aussie did great! the border collie had a rough time. apparently barked more or less the whole weekend and couldn't settle. i think she was just bored and overwhelmed/overstimulated, sigh.
we've had a few thunderstorms, and the xanax the vet gave me doesn't seem to be helping the border collie's severe reaction (barking, leaping, basically inconsolable making both humans lose sleep for a couple of nights). i'm wondering if i could up her dose. also picked up a thundershirt, but haven't had a chance to test it out during a real thunderstorm yet.
we've got a two-day mock agility trial this weekend, and i'm hoping to get all three dogs in the ring at some point or another.
RAGBRAI is steadily approaching, but due to lack of sleep and being out of town, i didn't get a chance to ride at all last week or this past weekend. fingers crossed i can get a decent ride in after work tonight.
Vis the Xanax/alprazolam, have sometimes found that benzodiazapines taken to manage situations I find threatening (irrationally or otherwise), make my head fight the drug as it gravely fears any diminution in excessive vigilance.
Similar may be true of your collie? Probably a stronger dose will sedate her enough, but could make her more frantic than ever.
Accordingly, consider giving her the alprazolam once the perceived threat has passed. This could let her unwind faster & also to come to associate perceived threats as something to notice, but which she can relax about once they've passed on.
yeah, ideally i would give the xanax before the storm arrives, but that's not always possible. vet said to go ahead and give it to her even if she was already reacting. i may try giving it to her after the storm to come down; that's a good idea!
Watched the slice-of-life dramedy about cancer 50/50 and it's now one of my top films. I picked it because it's leaving Kanopy.com in a couple of days and the ratings on Rotten Tomatoes were high enough to risk it, and it sure delivered. It was real edutainment based on the scriptwriter's own experience with cancer at a young age, apparently. I recommend it to everyone!
Pretty great
Finally upgraded my resin printer to having a flex bed and my only regret is not doing it sooner
I also finished upgrading my printing enclosures to using 8in ducting for ventilation. This combined with the 8in fan I'm using puts the ventilation at cycling the entire air contents of my room every 2 minutes at the highest setting or once every 4 minutes at the fan setting I use.
To do the upgrade required me to print a 8in duct splitter because buying one is prohibitively expensive.
What the adapter looks like (it's a gif)
I started the migration of my NAS to a new system but that's going to finish (hopefully) by Friday. The data has been duplicated I just have to wait a bit as a piece of software I need to install on one of the VMs has its key locked until Friday (can't be activated on a new system) and that piece of software is currently installed on the system that will become my new NAS.
Edit: rendered the clip at a lower res
Edit2: Hopefully the NAS move will be done by next Friday. Schedule got complicated again. Oh well it'll still work for now.
Not good. It's not like anything bad happened (actually there were only good things) but I did some highly questionable stuff and it's a big problem for me. If someone figures out what I did, it's going to be a disaster. Also my recent attacks caused my older relatives to seek help from psychics and similar people (they believe in such stuff) which is not great because the last time they did it I had very heavy nosebleeds. Well I'm in danger as always. And my mental health isn't getting much better. My mind is still functioning on a very basic level because everything else is critically damaged. I guess if I was a regular modern person, I'd be dead or crazy already. But I'm stronger and it does have its disadvantages. At least I can suppress my pain a little bit with YouTube and my new sim racing setup (direct drives are awesome btw).
EDIT: forgot to mention that some serious social issues started to pop up as well
I hope things get well for you 💝
Thank you, mister/miss
There's been... stuff.
Otherwise, reasonable inroads on neglected household cleaning & even a tiny bit of admin.
Having a rough one, unfortunately.
Power went out today, but it's not just us so I think that's at least promising that we don't have to have an electrician come out and fix something.
Currently struggling with a lot of anxiety over my computer. I spend a lot of time on it and I love playing video games, plus my queer platonic partner is long distance. But it's showing a lot of issues and some of the parts are really old, so I want to replace them. Gotta find the money for that somehow. I'm hoping to start fresh on it and wipe everything plus dual boot windows with pop!_os. I had already installed both before but starting anew sounds like a good idea.
I barely know how to use linux but I have a server so that's helped me understand more, at least. I'd swap completely but one of the games I love demands windows because of anti-cheat.
Birthday was as good as it could be. People close to me put in a lot of effort to make it nice, but trauma always comes in swinging. But it was nicer than other years have been, I'll count it as a win.
Computer anxiety can be pretty awful. I'm in a long distance relationship as well, and when my partner's laptop broke (charger port issue) we were stuck communicating only through their phone. For a couple that likes to remotely play games together and watch media together, this is a huge roadblock.
We ended up utilizing a (used) chromebook as a temporary solution until we were able to regain access to the laptop after repairs.
In our case, my partner's desktop had broken down completely (they later ended up with parts from my ex's computer that they could use to fix the issues) a while ago, and they had to use a very old laptop as well. I'm a really avid gamer and I'm learning to code, plus I stream for my partner everything from videos, to movies, to video games. Plus we play together. So I feel you!
Currently the remaining parts will be here Friday and then I have to figure out how to put them in. I didn't build my current desktop and have only done small things in it so far. There's also wiping things clean for the dual boot, and to help ensure the issues hopefully clear up on the software end. I did at least enjoy learning about different Linux distros.
Thank you for this message! It made me feel a bit better.
As always at this day of the week I start to feel intense aggression coupled with too much time on social media around fridays which results in being an insufferable menace to online society. Then on Saturday I feel amazing again.. after two days of pointless internet arguments and feeling like sociopath I cry to lion king and love people and animals again.
However today I start to feel intense yearning to commit war crimes and cope by sharing it all with the internet yay. Again the metallic taste of sadism fills my mouth harming more myself really than anyone else in these two day streaks of Reddit freakout.
I need to find some kind of better fkin release than battling lame nerds and loli hentai fans, ordinary morons, marxists leninists, singularity freaks, husbando haters, irs goons, lawful high horse riders
To stay non edgy for most of the time at Thursday and Friday is a challenge. The hormones go down and down inversely proportional to the desire for murder but jail is not the best place for non legally transitioned trans ppl as we all know.
Stay classy Emmie you can do it
Something about this feels like the makings of a short story, or collection of them even. Could be a way to divert yourself from rampaging round social media?
If mostly due to hormonal fluctuations, maybe your doctor can tweak them a little to give you a smoother ride?
I am my own doctor lol it’s all local home grown 100% organic
Hey thanks for the comment though, I feel pretty nice today. I hope you too
Wow this original comment is unreadable who wrote it, ah yes me I guess. This is some really weird person, hope they never come back though I feel they may around Saturday :/
So cringe what the heck. So weird to read when the world is all pink and bright and someone even upvoted it. you guys are real good people that can see through the fumes of self loathing
Permanently Deleted
Unusually cold. Yesterday it was quite warm in the morning but then it got cloudy and cooler. Thought of going with a shirt only at work and I could not made a worse choice.
Other than that I think it's fine. I will have to look for a new job soon. 🥲
Thought of going with a shirt only at work and I could not made a worse choice. I will have to look for a new job soon.
May should have went with a shirt and pants :)
I thought of it, but at least I went with a pair of jeans over my underwear
Watched I Saw the TV Glow. Fucked me up. A little bit jealous because all my friends left the theater with the determination to start HRT so they don't end up like the main character. Unfortunately I feel like whatever is wrong with me is much too innate and deep seated to be cured with hormones.
My friend who lashed out and dropped me for offering to pay for his medication started paying for it himself and now he's super happy all the time. I've never felt more useless. I spent several years attempting to support him through his worst, and he basically told me that if I kept giving him false hope, he'd kill himself. Then as soon as I stopped, he did a 180 and feels great 24/7.
I can't help myself and I can't help other people, what am I doing here?
Do you think, maybe, that even if HRT wouldn't touch the deepest stuff, that it would ease some matters and give you a bit more space?
It hurts to hear your friend is abusive toward you. I hope you can find ways to be as supportive toward yourself as you have been toward others - I get that the idea isn't always so comfortable if there's a lot of heavy history, but tending to yourself is the best way to tend to everything around you.
At peace, I think. Thank you to everyone here for be(e)ing awesome.
Great. I went to Combo Breaker over the weekend and managed to convince some of the out-of-town talent to come to the monday-night local tournament I help run. It was a great success adding to a string of great monday-night tournaments. We're steadily making this tourney THE weekly local for my city. Feels good.
Hormone stuff I am fucking mad rn as always on Thursdays I should be barred from the internet on this day of the week.
Yeah fk accidental deletion or maybe not
