Alternative methods of disciplining children.
Alternative methods of disciplining children.
I am planning on having children in the next 10 years (not that I care about the financial burden). When I thought about this I decided to make up some advice:
"Spare the rod literally but not metaphorically."
Basically yes, corporal punishment is too cruel, you still need to discipline the child in other ways. How can this be executed? Life lessons are my pitch.
tell them specifically what they did wrong and why they shouldn't do it, explain how their behavior could backfire on them
- Be prepared to do this several thousand times
Time outs, revoking privileges (screen time, dessert, eating out, whatever) with warnings if they persist in doing something bad.
"No, you spilled the flour so you have to clean it. It's not hard to clean what you spilled."
if they cause any damage, instead of going berserk on the child then clean it up, make the child repair the damage while explaining things. even tho force is a no, moral punishment is fair game, like temporally not permitting x activity or object due to poor behavior. and lastly going the other way around, reward good behavior without spoiling the child, to maybe create in him a sense of being productive instead of paranoia from being punished for small things.
idk, maybe I'm just projecting how i wanted to the raised because i was raised like a inmate, looked the wrong direction get the stick, instead of this turning me in to a upstanding person the only things i learned was to shut myself in, lie, cheat and wiggle my way out of situations to avoid punishment.
anyway i think you gonna do great, since you are showing concern now, instead on winging it and possibly taking revenge on what was done to you on your own child.
reward good behavior without spoiling the child
Trips outside the home are great rewards imo. Especially given I am bored of being terminally online. As for punishments maybe something across the lines of "clean the stove" or "no TV* for one week" would suffice, my response to lashouts would be "You need to learn how to behave without TV first before you can have it back".
*I refuse to give my child an iPad for obvious reasons since they need to learn basic shit like cleaning and reach the age of 14 first.
What reasons? Look up iPad kids. My brother is one albeit with a Samsung phone instead.
The best response to "Why can't I have iPad?" is "Because parents back in my day just give their kids iPads to keep them but didn't teach the children to behave properly, and I want you to behave without the iPad first which is why you can't have one until you're 14."
"Natural consequences" is the buzzword. Make sure the consequences fit the action. You squirted most the toothpaste into the aink? You don't get access to toothpaste, and mom/dad have to do your toothbrush.
This works with my kid because they value their autonomy very highly. Your child may value things differently.
Something to keep in mind: the goal isn't to be a high-discipline parent, it's to be a consistent parent. Express expectations and consequences, then hold to them. This helps children feel secure, and dramatically reduces testing behaviors (not to zero but much lower).
Any more examples?
Mine:
"Alex, your room is so dirty!" "But it wasn't my fault." "Yes it is, you didn't clean when you were supposed to." "But cleaning is hard." "No it isn't, I'll teach you how to clean so you so you can do the rest."