My only thought upon seeing this is what an overstimulated eight year old would rattle off the top of their head if you told them to make some wicked awesome homebrew that doesn't worry about any of that "balance" nonsense. Or actual rules at all really. It's just a bunch of words that someone overheard D&D players say mixed with attempts of sounding like a fast talking comedian.
Oh you must not have seen Vex's memes! I might not be as funny as them but I do my best; they're a Lancer (Mech RPG) memelord pretty well known for making memes about the game that were good enough to actually get a significant amount of players into it.
If you have advice for how to reword it so that it's
-Easily comprehensible
-Does not have loopholes that rules lawyers will exploit
Then I'd be happy to correct any flaws you identify!
And you're not the first to bring up the Wyrmling point, however tying the power of a player character to their age is a terrible idea because that would make it exceedingly difficult to level up during a campaign.