Signs you're getting old?

Nope, you're describing not being young, that's nothing like being actually old. Growing old has a bunch of stages:

joint pain
can no longer dance all night
hangovers last all day
dentists start talking to you about your gums

But then you get to the phase of

skin losing elasticity
liking dinner parties
marijuana is now a medicine
developed distinct preferences about stuff like threadcount

And then after that the next phase is more like

a lot of time worrying about your parents
all body fat migrates to one or two of its favourite spots
seriously consider putting everything on lanyards
your favourite singers are all dead

And so on, you get the picture. That's as far as I've traveled but as far as I can see the phases after that involve things like bladder leakage and losing friends to alzheimers.

Some things I've noticed in my early 40s:

You talk about things like property taxes and 401k contributions more often than you ever thought would be possible
You seriously weigh whether a drink is worth the bad sleep and headache it'll cause you
Your pop-culture references are lost on younger folks
You start referring to college-aged people as "kids"
You need reading glasses but you're in denial about it
Injuries take longer to heal
Those of your peers who haven't taken care of themselves are starting to have serious health issues
You care more about flossing, skincare, fiber, and hydration
You still rock bottom eyeliner like you did in high school
You've seen fashion from your high school years go out of style and then come back as "retro"
You see the utter confusion on your nephew's face when you explain that you used to keep a quarter in your bike pouch in case you needed to call someone, because he doesn't remember a time before cell phones and his generation isn't allowed to just roam around unsupervised on their bikes
You have strong opinions about things like laundry detergent brands
Birds become fascinating
You have no problem spending a few hundred dollars on a new kayak paddle, but the price of cold cuts these days is just unacceptable

What's really old music? Like Greenday?

i think people are way too worried about being old while not enjoying the youth they have left right now

you can always be and feel older

You start noticing bird species you've never seen before.... Wait! Was that a cedar waxwing???

When you injure yourself sleeping

Getting a new phone is annoying rather than exciting

A general feeling of alienation from society. Particularly younger people.
Dislike of ‘modern’ music.
Nostalgia over the way things used to be as you have lived long enough to witness the enshittification.

The radio station that plays the old hits has started playing newer hits. Spoiler: they’re not new.

Permanently Deleted

You'll start growing hair in even weirder places than you did during puberty.

I'm in good shape still, nothing hurts, but my goodness since I was about 40 everything takes forever to heal. Injuries that might have healed in 2 months when I was a kid can take 2 years to fully resolve. Why, when I have fewer years left?

I don't get the music thing, I think maybe men are more nostalgic about music. I listen to a broad sweeping set of artists old and new, and my kids do too (one is a musician but all of them will hear something on tiktok and go find it). I still go see new and emerging acts, love finding new music.

Oh! And since nobody is talking about the positive things that happen when you get old: around 50 my green thumb arrived, I no longer kill plants by looking at them. I can coax them to grow. And can cook just about anything too, but that is accumulated years of experience, the plant thing just came like a gift. Around 45 I got the power of trust, like anyone would tell me anything - middle aged white lady power, people tell me things, I could be a spy or drug mule or something now and just skate through security, I am not suspicious. And mood gets easier to manage too, not so quick to anger or fear.

If these are signs of being old, I was born old.

I turned my head to the right to look at something and sprained my neck.

So when just existing hurts, you're old.

When listening to new music, I'm constantly recognizing how heavily they sample older songs that I remember listening to when I was a kid.
A night out with friends often ends at 9 or 10p because we're all tired.
A night out with friends often includes a lot of discussion of various health issues and encouraging each to see a doctor.
I'm finding myself more and more avoidant of new technology. Or maybe it's just that I'm getting more concerned about maintaining a little sliver of privacy?

Standing up feels like the check engine light comes on

Can't use my phone for more than 10 minutes because it makes my eyes hurt
Understanding the mechanics of new games feels harder than it used to be
Can't easily remember the names of characters in a game/movie I'm watching
Can't remember the names of functions for programming languages I've learned recently, always need to keep the documentation handy
I find it absolutely counterintuitive to use "modern" functions in programming like lambdas (and functional programming in general can't get into my head)
I almost always HATE changes in the OS and programs I use, while I used to love beta-testing stuff
Can't get into new hobbies and interests
Still listen to the same genres I used to listen to 10 years ago
2019 feels like a few months ago, not half a decade ago
Getting worse and worse at rhythm games

I'm 33.

My knees have been going out since I was like 16, so I’ve felt pretty old for a long time. I think my biggest old person thing is being very particular about my bedtime each night and always getting up at the same time. I definitely did not do that in my twenties.

You start looking for what the signs of getting old are. Seriously the big first thing that sorta marks the end of what I consider to be my healthy youth was jumping off a dock and having to take a moment after landing. Happened in my thirties.

Yes I also listen to a lot of mid 2000s songs.

When you go onto a website with one of those cheesy self assessment age restrictions boxes and you're still scrolling to get to your year.

The most depressing sign is your parents that were once invincible are now having concerning health issues

But have you begun yelling at clouds yet?

I went grocery shopping and realized the music was all stuff I liked and recognized. I even knew the words 😭

You're not old until the music you don't consider old becomes old.

When young people talk about the video games you played when you were their age as if they were written in hieroglyphics and relics of a forgotten age.

Do you have to hold your phone "further" away to see it? No? Then you haven't crossed the line yet. You are like the roller coaster after it has crested the hill, the backend is still holding on, but you are starting to see where you are heading.

I also have a knee thing. Why the knees.

I remember the first time I thought we were getting old: A friend suggested we meet for coffee at around 4pm. Fml.

you walk into another room, but can't remember why you're there.
You go downstairs to grab something, do 5 other unrelated things, go back upstairs and immediately remember why you went down in the first place.

Sometimes between 25 and 40, you'll realize you "can't drink like you used to."

From here, you'll almost never be out til last call again. Certainly not without regrets. And it'll dwindle to where you're learning to cook instead of asking the Uber driver to swing through McDonald's on the way home.

You'll find you're amid a new hobby, and an old hobby is in the rearview.

Welcome to midlife. You're probably as old as your parents were when they had you, if not older.

When the doctor scrolls through your files, then scrolls some more, then scrolls more.

When the doctor asks you about ozempic.

When the doctor recommends your first colonosopy.

When the barber asks: do you want me to do your eyebrows?

Everything you say is misconstrued through some lens over which you have no control.

example:

Me: Hey do you want to go for a walk when you are done what you are working on?

Them: Why are you always so critical of how long things take?

Me: What. The. Fuck?

I'm in my 30s and one of the big things I've noticed recently is that hangovers are way worse than they were in my 20s. I think I've noticed it especially because I quit drinking for about 4 years or so and when I came back to it I noticed it seemed much worse than my early 20s. These days I'll have like 3 or 4 beers and start feeling hung over before I even go to bed. On the plus side it has really helped me moderate my drinking, cuz I sure don't feel like feeling like shit before I'm even done drinking and for most of the next day!

Most of the other stuff I hear ("Your metabolism slows way down!!!" "Your body starts falling apart!!!") seems to me to be mostly because people stop exercising and eat like shit. You do slow down but taking care of your body can really reduce the losses. I'm a cyclist and ride with guys in their 60s who are probably fitter than a lot of 20 and 30 year olds that I work with.

I can't drink as much as I used to without experiencing an all-day headache the following day.

"Your teeth/eyes look pretty good for your age! 👍"

A few years ago already, I started to have more stories about I've done that cool stuff, rather than I hope to do that cool stuff

To be fair, I had the honour to spend some time in a south American observatory and it offers a shit ton of "cool stories"

Please try different shoes. I was panicking that my knees were gone and it was just the shoes.

You're find until you start watching WWII documentaries

Me at 30: "I'd never get Botox I'm fine with looking my age".

Me at 50: "I wish I could afford Botox because the saggy mouth thing makes me look completely different and I hate it".

Also couldn't kneel down if you put a gun to my head.

Sorry to confirm your suspicions, buddy. Be careful if there's always at least one process of fermentation going on under your roof.

When you get a full night's sleep and wake up feeling tired, that's when You've crossed the threshold. That and when you look into the mirror and think "who the fuck is that?"

I slept 4 am during one weekend because we had celebration, it's been 5 days now and i'm still feeling the lack of sleep and catching up.

i'm not that out of shape tbh, i use stairs daily on my 5th floor work office without needing to catch my breath, so i'm pretty sure ive got normal cardio and muscle condition. but the sleep, damn i feel the need to really catch up.