Is queer an equivalent substitute for lgbtq(...)+?
Hello!
I am new here, and new to the LGBT community in general. Around 6-7 weeks ago I realized I was trans(htf do you make it to 30 and not realize?)
In talking to my therapist, they said they(belonging to the community themselves) like to use queer as shorthand since it includes everyone and isn't an unending acronym that is constantly getting new letters.
I also like that and would use it, but being new, I'm not sure how others who've been here longer feel.
Are they equivalent?
I don't like how the acronym keeps changing and accidentally leaving out a letter could be taken as an intentional slight.
Sort of equivalent. "Queer" was once used as a sharp slur by many homophobes, but it's been actively reclaimed by the community and used as a badge of honor instead to remove its power as a slur. Some older members may still take offense to it just because of the historical context that they lived through, but I imagine anyone of your age or younger has zero problem with the word and probably use it themselves.
In definition, "queer" is meant to describe someone deviating from the norm. As your therapist described, in this community its often used as a catch-all for people who don't fit cleanly into the lesbian/gay/trans labeled bins. Its also frequently used when someone has more than one gender/sexuality identifications. But you're welcome to use it with only just one.
Technically, the acronym "LGBTQ+" includes Queer in itself, as the Q. But we all know that acronym sucks to use in conversation a lot lol.
Huh, I’ve always thought “queer” encompasses both those who fit neatly into the gay, lesbian, bi, or trans bins as well as those who don’t. In other words, I thought it meant
a person who is at least one of:
not cisgender
not heterosexual
not heteroromantic
So basically the same as LGBTQ+ except that 1) it’s easier to say than LGBTQ+ and 2) it’s a reclaimed word that not all people in the community have reclaimed so it will make more of the people it describes uncomfortable than “LGBTQ+” will.
I definitely remember hearing my dad use it that way as a kid. Although, back then It was probably used for gay, I don't know who else was really know about existing in the sticks in the 90s.
I have understood it to mean anything non-cis/het, which is at the very least what I know about myself. I suppose depending how the trans journey goes I may not be able to consider myself straight either 😂 that'd be a trip! That has been in my head when fantasizing about being brave or comfortable enough to know who I am and come out, "I used to think I was straight and cis, turns out, I'm neither 🤷♀️"
I have understood it to mean anything non-cis/het, which is at the very least what I know about myself.
you understand the broad value of using a single, all-encompassing word, then. You're in good company - many queer folks find that it takes them years to really solidify their gender and sexuality after they come out for the first time, and even then there are always surprises about who you find yourself attracted to or what you feel comfortable wearing. drawing sharp boundaries isn't productive when the boundaries are so fluid - for many, it makes more sense to just call yourself "queer" and define your gender and sexuality for yourself as you go.
Plus, I feel like we don't even really have words for all the different ways that one can be attracted to other people, and so sometimes the long acronym feels like a limiting concept made up by straight people. Am I even allowed to feel a form of attraction or express a gender identity that isn't one of the pre-existing letters in the acronym? If i'm sometimes attracted to androgynous people specifically with long legs and a short torso, are we going to add another letter to the acronym for that? Or can we just agree that it's all part of the beautiful queer rainbow and move on?
i think the issue with this is that it doesn't carry the broadness of 'queer.' it lists gender, sexuality, romantic minorities... and nothing else. there are things typically thought of as 'queer' that are not strictly one of those three things.
I definitely think queer is the only choice for a single broad word meant to convey EVERYTHING, and it's pretty much what we already all use when we don't want to say deep breath LGBTQIA+
I think we should reclaim queer as a good catch all for everyone, though I personally like 🌈 Rainbow Mafia 🌈. I also like what CyberEgg pointed out with the term 'punk' starting off as a slur only to be owned by the group.
I'm trans and work in Healthcare, and I often just queer as a catch all phrase instead of using the whole acronym. It's easier to say and most queer folk are not offended by it.
That being said, I try to use the specific group names when I am personally talking to patients, as I think it's empowering to hear them in a way that doesn't assign normative value.
The way I use it is that Queer is an opt in label that in some way is embracing the idea of rejecting societal cishet norms.
There are many LGBT folk that don't identify with the word queer, and they are mostly folk who just want to blend in, live their life, and have people forget that they exist.
People who self label as queer though tend to want society to change to better fit us, they tend to be more vocal and open about rejecting the bullshit that society puts on us.
Geez, I should've expected to see you here but I didn't! I love how active you are!
Definitely I want society to accept me for me, but/and I want to blend in.
I want to be able to be me(whoever that is) and nobody to give a shit!
Slightly off topic, but do you know of any other queer or queer friendly or themed comminuties or whatever? I'm obvious from the blåhaj, but o ly subscribe to like 5 other places. I definitely want to find more queer/lgbtq....... + friendly spaces to hang!
It's been great! I have a few accounts across the fediverse, but have spent a lot of time in this zone lately.
The whole instance basically exists because I wanted a way of accessing lemmy communities back when lemmy was barely a thing. I've been active for a while now, and it just so happens that 6000 of my closest friends have joined the instance since then :P
As for other communities, the only other one I use is !transgender@lemmy.ml. There are more out there, lots of them memey, like egg_irl etc, but I've never really been part of those spaces.
Adding more and more letters isn't just a problem for others, but as you carve GSM (gender and sexual minorities) into smaller and smaller buckets, then it becomes more obvious when one is excluded.
THAT being said, LGBTQ is sufficient for some people and not for others. Queer is often used in a derogatory way, and makes some people uncomfortable.
Language is tricky, and forcing a society to use specific words can also cause significant backlash. Should focus on fixing intent and not specific wording.
I think it is! in fact, in a way i think it's a better word, it's much more broad and inclusive and personally i like it more due to it's inherent "vagueness".
Echoing everyone else’s sentiment, queer is a fine catch all as long as you know your audience. Remember not only might it offend someone in the community who has had that word used against them, it might incite violence or retaliation from someone who is not supportive of the community and might hear you use that descriptor and feel it’s okay to pile on with more unkind language.
Personally, I like using it because I struggle with identifying which word best describes my sexuality, so I like being able to just say “I’m queer”. Admittedly, because of my environment, I sometimes over generalize and just say “I’m gay” when in fact bisexual or pansexual would be closer to accurate, because the people around me at least have an idea what “gay” means, but would not be open to learning more inclusive language.
Edit : I wanted to add a silly comparison. In the south, particularly among older folk, some people use the term “coke” to describe all carbonated beverages, where many would say “soda” or “pop”. An example I don’t hear as much anymore, but still enjoy, is :
I feel like I barely know what pansexual is, I totally get that others may not have heard about it at all. I'm still amazed how much struggle bi people face when gay has been more or less accepted or at least tolerated for a little bit.
As someone also from the south, I am very familiar with that exchange! I also don't know how long it's been since I've heard it
Yeah, I have to confess that I don't fully understand the difference between bi and pan. I've had some people tell me that pan is simply a more inclusive way of saying the same thing, and others tell me that there are distinct differences in how the two approach their sexuality, so the whole thing just leaves me a bit confused.
This one is a sort of personal preference. There are people who have a problem with the word queer, and it's understandable. I personally cannot stand the f-slur, have far too many negative memories related to it, and have no interest in reclaiming it. But queer feels fine to me. My gender and sexuality are a nebulous mess so queer feels like a good descriptor. It feels like a good way to say "not cis, not het, but no single label works so ¯_(ツ)_/¯ "
It's also easier to say when referring to the whole group instead of LGBTQIA+. But I would only use it that way if I know the people I'm talking to are also ok with the term.
So basically: nothing formal. It's just a personal preference. Only you can know if it feels right for you. But know your audience when using it around others.
I like to see it that way, as an easy way to refer to everyone who doesn't fit within the cishet norm.
As others have mentioned, this used to be a derogatory term, so some people may still feel uncomfortable with it, but it has been reclaimed since then and I think nowadays we have long past the point where most people still see it as a derogatory word.
Also, it seems it annoys Graham Linehan, which is always a bonus: https://twitter.com/Glinner/status/1681657946529202182
Yes, "queer" originated as a slur and mostly got adapted as a self describing term for the community. I use it to describe myself and the community, partly because it rolls off the tongue more easily and partly because it's a nice and easy term to describe everyone not cis heteronormative.
The term "punk" has a similar story, btw. It came into being as a slur for people that didn't quite behave as expected by society and punks then took it as a name for themselves, saying "Yeah, I'm a punk, there's nothing wrong with it and you can't do shit against it," which is also why I like to use the term "queer". Because there's nothing wrong with being queer and people can't do shit against that.
I also use queer. I'm agender, I don't indentify with any gender and I've given up figuring out whether the term "trans" applies to me or not. But I'm queer. That's nice and easy to use in conversation.
If it helps I also was firmly over 30 when I figured it out.
Yeah there's certainly a lot of trans related things I discuss with my binary trans friend. Dysphoria most notably. But he wants to be seen as a gender that already exists (and is exposed to more danger for it) while I want to be seen as a category people don't have in their minds at all which brings it's own issues.
Figuring these kind of things out mid life certainly is a process isn't it? I'm glad I also have younger cis friends who are just much more open to all sorts of queer identities. But it's still hard for me the discuss at all IRL.
It depends on where you're from and more so what you feel.
If you feel it's an equivalent substitute, then it is for you and whoever else feels that way.
Personally I was brought up in the UK where queer in reference to LBGT (either as an insult or not) is largely an American loanword and if you asked the majority of people to define it they'd give you something along the lines of nauseas/slightly unwell or peculiar. That said, there are many Brits who identify as queer which is just as fine as people who identify as gay, which can mean either a masculine homosexual or a catch all LGBT+ term in British English but AFAIK is pretty much exclusively the former in the US?
This is an organic development from a global community. Neither I nor anyone else speak for the community, definitions will not be universally accepted and they will change over time. Being said, "queer" was initially a term of exclusion. It meant anything other than "normal" (where normal was defined by the oppressors as cisgendered, heterosexual, and heteroromantic). I seet was, at the time, intended in a negative way. When I use it now, I keep the denotation and invert the connotation. Why yes, I am absolutely not cisgendered, heterosexual and heteroromantic. I'm something other than those three things in combination and I'm owning it. I like queer because it automatically expands to include new ways of being as they're discovered. When I was a kid I knew I wasn't straight because women turned me on and men turned me on. So i went with "bi”. Now I'm in a relationship with a trans person. That kinda means "bi" doesn't fit, or at least my understanding of it at the time didn't. I could've moved to pansexual but, frankly, I didn't feel like it and a lot of people use bi to mean "hetero and not-hetero" rather than "man or woman" or "gay or straight". So that's a second time my sexuality, or my understanding of it, has shifted. Then I discovered the concept of demisexuality. Understanding myself better is, of course, a big plus but that means I'm now a straightbisexual because I like men and women anyone potentially regardless of gender but I'm also demi. It gets really complex, so I just say "queer" and then am willing to address any confusion that arises from that as well.
As far as leaving letters out of the LGBTOMFGLMAOBBQ+ acronym goes, I've not run into anyone who took that as an intentional slight other than with the Aunt Toms in the "drop the T" movement that wants to exclude gender queer people from the queer movement. Unless you're intentionally trying to divide the community by excluding people, the myriad subgenres of queer including those that haven't been discovered or popularized yet are what the q and the plus are for.
It’s really a personal thing. Most everyone I know, myself included, use the term as a playful way to refer to the LGBTQ community. But some people will take offence, and I can’t blame them either.
I pretty much use it as a replacement for LGBTQIA+, but keep in mind that not everyone may consider themselves queer; it /is/ a reclaimed word after all, so people may have trauma related to it.
Yes and no. LGBT and it's variations are "neutral", while queer has a strong anti-assimilationist meaning behind.
Queer also can easily represent uncommon or complex identities/orientations that aren't (easily) represented by the acronym
Where I grew up 'queer' was used as an insult. But I use 'queer' to self-identify, and like you say it's a catch-all for everything under the umbrella.
Context matters, I think. If someone's talking about the queer community, it seems okay. If someone says, "You're one of them queers, aintcha?" then it's probably not okay.
At the end of the day, I guess I've always thought of it as a slur that we've taken back, y'know?
As someone who actively identifies as queer, I don't like to use it for the community as a whole. Adding a + at the end of LGBT or LGBTQ is generally sufficient to get the point across that you're not intentionally leaving people out, if that's a concern you have, but I don't think it's ever been a real concern in good faith conversations. I've seen people try to popularize SGM for sexual and gender minorities. I like that better as a catchall, but I think it's probably too late in the game to switch.
My experience with the trans community leads me to believe that there are some that don't like the othering nature of using the word queer for them. I can see how using a word that basically means not normal for a community that's still striving to be accepted is sometimes seen as counterproductive.
I do forget that people identify just as queer. I've been understanding it as they're saying they're different but not getting into specifics. I am not so familiar with GSM, but that does sound like a far better acronym.
I suspect the difficulty with queer could be regional depending on how prevalent or recently it was a slur.
I would be interested (if you don't mind) in hearing more about what you mean when you identify as queer.
Always happy to talk about it with people in good faith!
You are partially correct in that I like it because it makes it clear I'm not het without getting into specifics, but I choose it over other similar descriptors for a few additional reasons. I know some people who identify as pansexual and though it's completely valid to identify with that, I like that queer does not solely refer to sexuality. There are plenty of aromantic pansexuals and asexual people looking for relationships. Because queer doesn't end in "sexual" I feel like it's a more wholistic view of the relationship I'm seeking and allows me to discuss it without implying any explicitly sexual feelings. I'm not aro/ace but I feel like it gives people more room in that regard. Similarly, I like that it's not as restrictive as bisexual, though bisexuals don't necessarily endorse a gender binary. I like that's it's super inclusive, but still leaves me space I feel like pansexual does not reserve for me to find gender identities or expressions that I have a preference for or against. I also like that it gives me an immediate gauge on how people feel about the community as a whole. No true ally will go "well what does that even mean?! You're all coming up with things just to confuse us" and some trans exclusive or nonbinary exclusive people will push back on it because "bisexual" should be sufficient or some nonsense like that. It allows people to ask questions if it's relevant to them or they are interested, while still giving people that don't care as much or might not be interested the general idea that I'm a member of the LGBT community and I'm open about that. I am in a long term monogamous relationship at the moment but this was all relevant when I was dating.
In a more practical sense, to me it means I'm interested in a variety of sexual and gender expressions and though I cannot definitively say I would like any and all combinations of them, I'm more than likely happy to engage if I like the person.
I use queer as short for genderqueer, but I use gay as short for lgbtq (minus the ia+ in this case) and I do respect and understand if someone does the opposite and uses queer as the blanket term for lgbtqia+, that's fine.
When I was growing up and it was LGBT, queer was usually conaidered an insult (as kids we played Smear the Queer, which probably helped me come out of the closet tbh)
But it's literally in the acronym now. It's not a hateful word, but could be used hatefully on a rare occasion.
I think because so much of it is sex-adjacent, they feel like you already brought that up as part of it instead of seeing multiple components of a topic. Definitely, they don't think about it as much as we do so it's a very different in their minds
I use queer when referring to a bunch of different sexual or gendered people (eg, some bi people, lesbians, an asexual person, etc etc). I use LGBT+ or simply LGBT when in contexts that include audiences of all orientations including straight, to not create confusion. LGBT+ includes everyone without being excessive imo. The only ones I see doing more than 4-5 chars anyways are usually straight or straight-facing entities (eg, groups, news stations, etc) referring to us as an entire collective. To me, going for 7+ chars in an article feels kinda like unintentional pinkwashing, but maybe that's just me x3