Do you ever worry that you're secretly a psychopath that unknowingly manipulates people around you?
Do you ever worry that you're secretly a psychopath that unknowingly manipulates people around you?
Someone recently told me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I effortlessly make them question their beliefs and feelings. Hearing that didn't sit well with me, especially since I've been pondering the question in the title for quite some time.
I've always been quite critical of myself and don't consider myself a very nice person. When I discover that someone doesn't enjoy being around me, I don't blame them one bit. It's not like I'm intentionally mean or abusive; quite the opposite, actually. I have very strong morals. However, this includes things like not lying, which means I always speak the truth, even if not everyone likes hearing it. I don't conform to many social norms expected of me.
Despite all of this, I have deep relationships with several people and especially the elderly and for example the parents of my past girlfriends have all liked me a lot. But I can't help but wonder why they don't see me as I see myself. I worry that I'm hiding the true me so well that people don't actually like me, but rather the facade I unknowingly maintain. Then again, a true psychopath probably wouldn't be second-guessing themselves in this manner.
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Not to be an armchair psychologist over here (you should probably see a therapist) but it sounds more like autism, not psychopathy.
You're probably right - or atleast less wrong. I don't really think it's psychopathy either.
"To be autistic is to be misunderstood"
I have ASD and I have historically worried about the same thing, as has my sister. From the outside ASD and psychopathy can look similar to untrained eyes. The biggest "tell" is how you feel (or dont feel) inside.
I recommend looking into Autistic Masking to see if that explains the "alter ego" you seemed to describe earlier.
While you're researching this, I will tell you that autism is probably the one thing where you will have better luck listening/talking to other autistic people than to just read data from something like the DSM-5. There are a lot of YouTube people with various profiles of autism and I have had far better luck learning from them and an autistic friend than anything clinical.
There are also different profiles of ASD. The main ones are:
- Classic Autism
- Asperger's (now called HFA or High Functioning Autism, but there is still a LOT of info out there from when it was still called Asperger's)
- PDA or Pathological Demand Avoidance So be sure to check out all of them before thinking you aren't just because one doesn't fit. I thought I wasn't autistic for YEARS because I did not know the right profile.
Long story short, ASD is HUGE and largely not understood. If you have questions, shoot me a message. As you look around, I'm sure you'll learn about Autistic Special Interests. Psychology and especially ASD are mine, so I'm happy to
rantteach about it forever.Good luck in your journey!