1y ago

Why do christian apologists say the name of the person they're talking to so often? (crosspost from asklemmy)

slrpnk.net /post/6199821

39 comments

It's a psychological trick used both by hostage negotiators and con men alike to build trust and inclusitivity, and to maintain engagement of the other person in what otherwise might be a confrontational exchange where the other party would be motivated to disengage. It exploits people's tendency to try to meet kindness with kindness.
People generally respond positively to hearing their name, and will sort of pay attention for the next few seconds to hear why they are being addressed. In a "selling it" context, using their name frequently keeps the other person engaged by making them feel involved in a conversation that might be entirely one-sided, or where their contributions are being minimized, dismissed, or rebuked. It also builds comradery through familiarity. If you are taking time to use their name and to include them, then you become a bit less threatening and perhaps even more familiar to them. Over time, it can wear down predispositions and make people reconsider that r commitment to their own goals.
Yes, it's just as insidious as it sounds, and is a technique used by gaslighters, con men, and other abusers as much as it is by sales people, crisis negotiators and politicians. Pretty much anyone who needs to soften your opinion of their position would use it to try to draw you in and keep working on you might use it.
The only real defense is to spot it being used on you, and to assertively disengage.
- Oh that explains why it makes me so uncomfortable when my coworker uses customer names over and over. She comes from a sales-oriented industry and she's using the same techniques even though that's not at all the kind of job she has now. I really hate people trying to sell me stuff, so apparently I've been feeling annoyed on other people's behalf.
- Well good thing I strongly dislike my name and it's usage. I've actually have had to tell some friends specifically not to use my name. I'm impervious to being more socially connected to people!
  
  Gotcha BugleFingers
- Spot it, use the same technique and double down on your opinions. Deliberately become rigid and take the exact opposite position from the person you're talking with. It'll gradually annoy and frustrate them.
  The key is awareness. Once you're aware, you can take more control of the situation.
- Reminds me of this Mitchell & Webb sketch (warning for strong language)

Idk about apologists or whatever, but...
Saying someone's name frequently helps build trust. It's a thing people do in the sales/management/business field too.
Could also just be a non-manipulative thing. But who knows what's genuine.
- I manage people. Whenever I'm complementing someone on their work or thanking them for something, I try to always use their name to show that I really mean it and that I value them.
  I don't know if it works, but it's a small thing to help go that extra distance.
- If somebody uses my name a lot, I instantly distrust them. I find it creepy. Every time they use my name it's like they're dipping their cock in my drink, it's not a normal way to speak, it requires effort, people that do this are disingenuous and slimy.
- I say the names of my closest friends very often, and almost never those of other people. I like to think it helps people who are around to remember how my friends are called, so that they are more likely to engage with us in the future

It's often said that people like to hear their own name, so once you know someones name, if you want them to like you, use their name frequently when addressing them.
But I mean, when you're apologizing for a violent death cult, I guess it helps to use as many cheap psychological tricks as you can to justify all the fucking abuse, gaslighting, and hate.
- Joke's on them, I hate the sound of my name.
- Repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.

It's a psychological trick to get on your good side. Don't give religious people any of your personal information, chances are they want to kill you.
- yup, a cheap trick right out of 'how to win friends and influence people' or 'how to start a cult' (actual book).

To be patronizing.

When I first meet someone I try to say their name repeatedly to help remember it.
And I've never apologized for being christian...
/throws molotov
BORTLES!
- Ah, the classic Mendoza solution.

What do you mean when you say: "christian apologists"? I'm afraid I am not understanding your question and that's me speaking as a Christian.
Do you mean people defending Christian positions in thelogical debates? Or is it the name of some niche sect I am not aware of?
- https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_apologetics
  As a Christian, there are a lot of things you can research to learn more about your history and current world.
  
  Oh yeah. No doubt about that, you never stop learning. It applies to all aspects of life, not just religion.
  Reading that links it looks like I actually did know what the discussion is about and just got confused. I googled "christian apologists" like OP called it, found no exact definitions and so I started wondering if maybe it was something I didn't know about. Protestant denominations often have weird names and I keep finding out about new ones, maybe there was also a prot denomination called "apologists". Guess not, though.
- Apologetics is essentially "defending" something as opposed to say proselytizing (in the example of Christianity). It's frequently used for indefensible topics like rape apologists (the type to suggest the victim was asking for it or could have tried harder to say no) or Nazi's (the usual propaganda). Christian apologists tend to hand wave or ignore the atrocities because "god is an absolute "good"" therefore anything he does is by definition "good" and us mere mortals can't understand the divine plan. Babies dying? God is good. Babies dying and going to hell because they are unable to accept Jesus because they literally are unable to understand the concept? God is good.
  
  I'm sorry that you felt the need to compare those who spread Christian doctrine with rape apologists and Nazis, but there are some things I don't like about your comment. Chances are you are not interested in hearing them (at least judging from the wording you used), but someone else in this thread might be.
  Yes, God is an absolute good. Yes, we cannot understand Him. Most "atrocities", like you called them, come from men being given free will by God and drifting away from His teachings, thus doing stuff that isn't good. God is good.
  If a baby dies and is baptized they go straight to Heaven. If a baby dies and isn't baptized we don't actually know for sure what happens (it is never explained in the Bible), but by interpreting other aspects of Christian dogma we can hope and assume that they too would be saved. On this topic I recommend the following read, by the International Theological Commission
  [There are] grounds for hope that unbaptised infants who die will be saved and enjoy the Beatific Vision. We emphasise that these are reasons for prayerful hope, rather than grounds for sure knowledge. There is much that simply has not been revealed to us.
  If there are other "atrocities" that you can think of and you'd like to discuss, I'd be happy to.
  EDIT: boy did this blow up. I'm sorry for the replies I have left unanswered but I don't have the time or energy to give any more nuanced answers on the topic. I am also not an all knowing expert of Christian / Catholic theology, I am simply trying to spread some awareness and a different view, on a platform that is evidently mostly Atheistic. If you have further questions the Internet will likely have the answers you seek, expressed better than I could anyway. Cheers.
- Yeah, like one example where I've noticed it was the most recent discussion with alex occonor and william lane craig. I've also experienced it talking to one of my cousins about religion/christianity, but what inspired this post was the theo von podcast where he had jeffrey long on. He was saying "theo" so often it made me super uncomfortable
  
  Uh I see. I didn't know any of those people, so I had to google that discussion between Alex O'Connor and Wiliam Lane Craig. Listened along for quite a bit and it was actually very interesting (so thank you, I'll definitely finish listening to the whole thing later on).
  From the way the used that "technique" I am guessing it isn't really that much about Christianity but rather, as others have said, a way to connect to the other person. People often get understandably heated during theological debates (understandably so, our most important beliefs are being challenged), maybe calling the other person by their name is a way to try and remembering the human and forming a sort of emotive connection that could otherwise get lost during the discussion.
  Why specifically Christians? I don't have an answer to that one. I am guessing it might happen more frequently with religion talks rather than say politics, or other frequent topics of discussion, because religion tends to appeal more often to morality and thus emotions. Just a guess, though.

39 comments