Explain bidets for me please.

The actual sprayer nozzle sits towards the back of the bowl and sprays up at an angle so any dripping is going straight down into the bowl not landing on the sprayer nozzle.
It's getting fresh water, not recycling bowl water, I suppose there could be some small risk if Larry has explosive diarrhea all over the nozzle, but its probably no worse than if you have any splashback after using a regular toilet after him. Most of the models I have used also have a self-cleaning feature that will have the nozzle rinse itself (they still do need to be actually cleaned periodically of course)
There is a little bit of splashing, unless you're abnormally small and skinny though most of it is probably just going to get your butt and staying in the toilet, once in a while I'll get a couple drops on the front of the toilet seat and I'm pretty sure that's just over-spray shooting directly between my legs, not poop water splashing off of my ass
- I think this is the best response. So many people are answering a seemingly angry way to a question that seems sincere. It's clear OP didn't get how it worked and just wanted some information and wasn't saying it was a terrible idea.
- Also a lot of typhoid and stomach flu type pathogens don’t spread butthole to butthole, they spread via the “fecal-oral” route so.. that happens in situations like someone took too small a slice and touches your food (or receipt that you ate to prove they liked your gift) without washing their hands properly.
- Okay but are you just using toilet paper to dry afterwards? And does just water actually get it all? You've still got to get in there a bit right?
  
  A few things.
  On mine there's a little guard around the sprayer and it peeks down under it when in use. There's also a cleaning mode.
  I do use a some toilet paper to dry. Less than I would if I wiped. One day I'll upgrade to one of the fancy units with a dryer.
  I don't know about other people but I move around a bit to make sure that the spray gets everything, including "in there a bit". If you dab to dry and your tp has anything other than water on it you didn't do a good enough job spraying.
  
  It depends on your bowel movements and how much fiber you eat. I still have to wipe a little after the water, but far less than without. Others, drying is enough.
  After using one for a while now, it seems so uncivilized not using one now.
  
  Most people do, but a couple squares to pat dry is probably less than you'd use otherwise. Some fancier models have blow dryers. Personally, I won't lie, I'm probably going to sit on the toilet for a few minutes scrolling through Lemmy on my phone after I've done my business so I tend to just air/drip dry.
  I have some pretty basic models, and they do a pretty good job getting everything clean, they have a pretty powerful jet. Definitely a lot better than I've ever been able to do with TP.
  
  Okay but are you just using toilet paper to dry afterwards?
  Some have built in dyers. Even with it, sometimes it feels a small dab helps some more, but it's not really necessary. Also, that water should be clean at that point... Do you perfectly dry your ass with a towel after showering? Etc
  And does just water actually get it all?
  Usually. You can also run them more than once. Some have "pressure" settings. Some move back and forth. And you can always check with paper, and see if you need to change something or run another cycle.
  You've still got to get in there a bit right?
  I've never had to. Occasionally run a second cycle, but no.
  
  Of course you use tp afterwards, your ass is now soaking wet. Wipe, rinse, then wipe again.
  
  You do dry with toilet paper. Personally if the toilet paper doesn't come up clean I go back with the water again until it does.
- Having my ball hair blasted with deflected ass water sounds not so great if I'm being completely honest
  
  My dude, your ball hair lives inches away from your butthole, maybe not even that far depending on how saggy your balls are, how long your hairs are, and how supportive your underwear is. I promise you that nothing that's splashing onto your balls is any worse than what's already there.
  
  It’s not that powerful of a jet of water. I mean, I’m sure there is some, but if you’re doing it right, only the parts you want to get wet are getting wet. Besides, the alternative is like using a paper towel to clean peanut butter from a shag carpet.
- And the nozzle itself is protected by a little shield so even explosive diarrhea won't get on it
- As a lady - it shoots water forward from the back to the front? That seems like a prescription for BV and bladder infections. We had one but it was a handheld sprayer, that was good except in the winter.
  
  Mine has a nozzle adjust so that you can do either front to back or just back.
- Most of the models I have used also have a self-cleaning feature that will have the nozzle rinse itself (they still do need to be actually cleaned periodically of course)
  this. the geberit toilet that I have will automatically clean the nozzle before and after use.
- many (probs most new ones) have a uv light that's inside the retracted nosel casing which sterilises it between uses, so even typhoid Larry would not be an issue.
  
  There's a lot of options out there, I've seen some really fancy ones with a lot of bells and whistles, but my personal experience is that most of the ones I see people buying and installing are pretty basic mechanical devices hooked up to a water line with no electrical components. Just pieces of plastic and/or metal being acted upon by other pieces of plastic/metal and water pressure.
  Most people are retrofitting them into existing bathrooms, often they don't have convenient electrical lines/outlets close enough to their toilet for a clean-looking install and don't care enough to run them, and needing to recharge or replace batteries in their toilet isn't something they're particularly interested in doing (I fall into this category myself)
  Personally I have 3 toilets with 3 bidets, all basic cold water models with no other features. None of them have convenient power, I'd have to run a cord to the outlet by the sink, or run a new outlet for them. It's certainly doable in all 3 cases, but more work than I care to put into it, and I'm too stubborn and cheap of a DIY homeowner to hire an electrician for something I could do myself. One of them is close enough to the sink that I could run a hot water line to it without too much bother, but that bathroom is pending a renovation so I'm waiting to see how things look when I get into that before I do it (that bathroom is also furthest from the water heater, so you usually have to run the water for a while before it starts coming out hot from the tap, so kind of less than ideal and maybe not worth it)
  On that note, cold water bidets are a little unpleasant at first, but you get used to it really quickly, and if you're kind of a fat sweaty guy like me they're actually pretty refreshing once you're used to them.
- My toilet bidet, the nozzle is covered when not spraying.you can still use a toilet brush and everything.

I'm going to explain how an Italian bidet works, I don't know if you're referring to some other kind of bidet (e.g. the pressure washers).
You do your thing, then you lightly clean yourself with paper. Don't waste too much paper, just one pass or two will suffice.
Then you get up from the toilet bowl and go on the bidet. In Italy, it's always next to the toilet bowl so you don't have to walk around like a maniac. The best way to sit on the toilet is to "ride it" as if it was a horse (so you face the water).
You open the water, maybe you wait for it to become warm (it depends on the kind of heating system you have in your home, sometimes it takes longer to come out warm). Then you get some soap (we use a specific kind of delicate liquid soap that we call "intimate soap" in Italian). You apply the soap to your private parts and you rinse using the water.
After you've finished cleaning, you dry youself using a personal towel. This is important: you don't share your bidet towel with anybody. We usually use a smaller kind of towel.
And that's how an Italian uses a bidet.
- You left out the bow at the end.
- would this be like, only in your own home? or would you be carrying the bidet towel around with you when in public?
  
  You always carry both your towel and your bidet wherever you go. This is very important.
  
  Is this the towel suggested in the hitchhikers guide?
  
  No of course only in your home. If you're visiting someone else for some days they'll give you a bidet towel. If you're just outside well... you'll just use your toilet paper. Some people will use the bidet anyway and dry with toilet paper, but that's a bit annoying.
  
  We don't poo in public toilets.
- “Walk around like a maniac” is an amusing turn of phrase to me.
- And a nice username as well
  
  Thanks ;)
- “Walk around like a maniac” is an amusing turn of phrase to me.

I don't need to defend power washing my butt to you. You need to defend mashing shit around your buttskin through microscopically thin and flimsy sheets of paper to me.
- noone was talking about defending stuff, rather explaining.
  tbh, it's kinda unclear to me as well how do you use a bidet properly, I mean you walk around with shitty hole in your bathroom, when do you flush or clean up the toilet if neccessary...?
  or if it's built into the toilet, you stand up still drippy hole? do you use soap? when and how? you dry your butt still sitting on top of your poo?
  see? lots of unclarity here.
  I'm thinking about upgrading my porcelain throne anyway...
  
  The days are either part of the toilet, or attached to the toilet using the screws in the back that hold your toilet lid down. You don't waddle around at all. It's the same toilet you do your business squirt your butt and if you stay there for a few minutes to drop dry, you don't have to use any paper products whatsoever
- I mean, it's not like anyone on planet earth just takes a single sheet and wipes with that.....right?
  
  I have not checked.

You can get a simple one that goes on your toilet. Turn dial, water hits, you pat dry and feel a million times cleaner. Most people that try them once get it. Just ask yourself if you would use water if you knew poop was smeared on any other part of your body

I mean, you share a toilet bowl with Typhoid Larry already. The bidet isn't going to be worse than that!
And honestly, they're the best thing ever! Sometimes it drips, but that's just like getting out of the shower, except with much less water. You can wipe off the drops with toilet paper, or you can just not bother. I'll do that if I'm going straight to bed for example, or if I'm putting on running gear etc that I'm going to sweat into anyway
- I reeeeeally recommend drying off after. Anyone who is prone to UTIs like I am, please dry off each time...
  
  I hadn't thought about that, but it seems I've been lucky so far
  
  Another win for the male-ocracy

Can you explain washing your hands? It seems so weird. Doesn’t the water just drip back on the sink? Do you dry your hands with paper after?
What seems weirder is using paper alone to wipe away feces from your body and doing nothing else during a bowel movement to clean yourself. I cannot understand my own countrymen’s aversion to using them. Squirting your asshole with water does’t make you gay.
- Why are you making out like OP is stupid for asking questions about something they clearly just don't know much about? You could have just answered the questions.
  
  But that wouldn't make him edgey.
  
  Op didn't even respond to a single comment here i.e. They are just venting about the 'weirdness' of a bidet and not actually looking for answers - just looking to validate their stupid opinion. So calling them out on that is the correct response.
- Squirting your asshole with water does’t make you gay.
  Are you sure though? I’m scared to test this theory.
  
  I remember reading a comment thread on reddit about a guy who discovered his friend refused to wash his ass crack in the shower because he thought it was gay.
  
  If you’re scared of being gay you might actually just be gay.
  In all seriousness though, everyone should get a hand bidet installed on their toilets ASAP. Once you squirt your asshole with water to clean the poop off you will immediately realize how disgusting you’ve been up until that moment in your life using only flimsy ass ass paper to wipe shit off your body.
  I swear, Puritanism really did a number on North America.
  
  But it does makes me feel fabulous. Hey whatever, buttholes have a lot of nerve endings. That's not my fault, that's just nature. And if it feels good AND means I'm clean that's just a win-win, amirite?
- Do you dry your hands with paper after?
  That or with a towel.
- Ahh, I see.
  When using a bidet, you must always be face-down ass-up with the sprayer above you.
- In the US only the rich have bidets. Do you have an electrical outlet right near your toilet? I don’t want cold water spraying my ass and getting an outlet installed near the toilet in an apartment I don’t own is very expensive.
  
  Your anus can’t feel temperature that much so cold water hitting it really isn’t that big of a deal.
  Warm water bidets don’t use electricity, they use a hot water tap from the near by (and generally easily accessible) bathroom sink. Sure you might need to drill a hole in a cabinet but it’s not outrageously inaccessible or expensive to setup. You just need to watch like 2 plumbing youtube videos.
  I live in the US. I am not rich. I have a bidet—it is a hand nozzle attached to my toilet’s water tap that cost $30.
  
  As someone who has one of the non electric bidets installed and was afraid of having a puckered asshole the first time I used it, it's not that cold. And it's so worth it. I can't go back and will have a bidet everywhere I live in the future.

For reference I have this one: https://a.co/d/94y5ID3
You use it while still seated so the water drips back into the toilet bowl; no mess there
I do use paper too to dry or further cleaning if needed
If you look at the 3rd picture on the link above you'll see that the sprayer lowers down while spraying and then retracts back behind a guard; I've never seen the guard or sprayer themselves get dirty from general toilet use
No, the water pressure isn't so intense that it would scatter debris everywhere
I first used one at a friend's house and found it does a far better job cleaning compared to just paper alone and would certainly recommend giving it a try
- But how do you dry your butthole

They are butt showers.
You poop first in the toilet and if it was a messy one you use some paper (not all countries' pipes can handle paper though). Then you go to the bidet and clean there. Let the jet hit your hole and wiggle a bit if need be. Use some paper to dry off. Woman will also wash their privates with the bidet after peeing.
In India and China you also got a hose or just a hose in many places. That requires a bit more finesse due to the risk of giving yourself a shower if you don't aim well. You might even just get a cup which you fill and use to wash yourself manually. You need to carry some liquid soap and sanitizer when traveling in areas that might require this and keep your fingernails cut short. In remote areas it is a hole next to the animal pen and you bring your own paper.
I got a bidet attachment for my home during the pandemic due to the severe toilet paper hoarding that was going on.

I love my bidet. Since the bidet came into my life I feel unclean after using a non-bidet toilet, even after using wet wipes. Imagine never having monkey-butt (an itchy asshole}. No more skid marks either.
Others have described the normal use of a bidet. I'm here to tell you about advanced bidet techniques. The first is learning the mini enema. You need a bidet with a water jet nozzle. Position yourself so the jet hits the bullseye. Slowly raise the water pressure until it starts filling your rectum with water. This is the hard part - relax. Your initial response will be to clinch shut the ol' brown eye. When full, turn off the water and let loose in the bowl. Repeat as needed. This cleanses the rectum and prevents those times when you feel like there's still some poop up inside that won't come out (because there is). It also prevents anal leakage that produces butt butter.
Once you've mastered the mini enema, you can use the technique to battle constipation. Squirt some water in that stuffed up bunghole, fill up, hold it in, stand up, then sit down and enjoy the relief.
It also provides immediate relief from a burning irritated bowel caused by eating Atomic Hot Wings from Wingstop.
Finally, the feminine wash setting is not just for women! After a sweaty workout where you don't have time for a proper shower, use it to wash your balls. That prevents itchy balls and the embarrassment of being caught scratching them.
- Imagine never having monkey-butt (an itchy asshole}. No more skid marks either.
  Can't say that I'm having this when just using wipes... Maybe wipe a little better?
- I mean yes you should still use a bidet but uh, you need to eat more fiber bro
- Once you've mastered the mini enema
  And you must shout the name of the technique you're about to use, otherwise you're far from having mastered it

Because it sprays at an angle, not directly up

There are a number of videos on how to use a bidet but one of the best resources is Tushy.
- I didn't see any heated bidet options there, do they have one? I'd like to retrofit my toilets with warm water bidets.
  
  Some have heated seats. I had it before, and now don't, I don't miss it even though it was nice. Not worth the money in my opinion.
  
  You have basically two choices for the nice, high end ones that install on toilets. Biobidet and Toto. I went with the former, but either one makes excellent models.
  Note that to use it properly, it’s best to get an outlet under your toilet tank. They do have to plug in.

https://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Bidet

if you got poop on your skin would you use water or a piece of paper to wash it off
- Piece of paper to smear it around more like

It's a shower, but just for your ass

its a spray. its like with a water fountain its no issue if people drink from the stream but not if they suck the output (which do to placement can't be done). good ones have hot air dryers.
- I like to think rule #1 is don't drink from the bidet
  
  I was thinking more rubbing their ass on it. anyway its recessed in modern ones at least.

Follow up question for those with ass hair: how long does it stay damp?
- It doesn't because I dry off with toilet paper
- Like trying to wipe a marker huh?
- Ass hair removal is a thing. Just sayin.

I have a Toto that has a remote to let me control the flow, and it has a blow dryer for my bum. It’s self-cleaning and also has a heated seat. When society collapses it will be the the object I miss most. Haven’t used a poop knife in years.
- How does a bidet prevent the need for the poop knife?
  
  It doesn’t. I didn’t think anyone would get the reference.
  
  You all need fibre in your life
  
  Well you see some bidets have a “TURBO” mode which shoots a bunch of water up your ass and softens your turds.
  No seriously. I’m not even joking about this one.

I have no idea about public bidets, but I have a cheap one in my home and there is a "wash nozzle" option which causes it to spray itself down with similar water pressure to what it uses on my asshole.

Dude just get a bidet thing that you can install under your toilet seat. Just get one, don't question it! Best 30 € I've ever spent!
The thing is that with this you don't have to clean your ass anymore, it just does it by itself! You don't have to do anything anymore 💁‍♂️ and it's really not strange to use it. One may think it would feel strange but you'll see. Just get one! Everyone should have one 💁‍♂️😂

Very simple, it works just like a sink, only you can sit on it. Some have a hose to make washing easier. Older models shoot water straight upwards like a fountain, but they all have a drain like a sink.
And you wipe first, so whatever falls into the bowl is small enough to be dissolved and passes through the drain.
It's ok to use after Typhoid Larry the same it is ok to use the sink after him. It's not a pressure washer so shouldn't be making a huge mess unless you are particularly clumsy. And btw, they're usually in private bathrooms so unless Larry is your housemate then it's likely just you using it.

Does poo go everywhere when you shower? It's like a small wash for your ass, but the stream is very concentrated so doesn't splash. The water isn't pulled from the bowl, but from the water tank. It gets your ass actually clean, which paper alone never does, you still use like one sheet of paper afterwards. I used one in Japan, and now I'm intending to replace my toilet, it's like the difference between hand washing clothes and using a washer dryer in terms of revolution to me.
- Its like the difference between wash or dry cleaning literal shit aha

The one attached to my toilet has this setup to keep it from getting dirty: there's a plastic barrier in front of the nozzle, which has a mechanism that causes it to pop out from underneath the barrier when water is flowing through it, and retract back behind the barrier when the water is shut off.

I don't use public bidets, but the one I have at home I would say is critical to my quality of life.
- I dread holiday traveling to relatives because none of them have bidets. I will not go back
  
  My cousin and uncle convinced my mom to get one. It’s the only good toilet to use when I go home.
  
  There are travel bidet solutions available
  
  These seem to fill that gap
  https://www.travelandleisure.com/style/travel-accessories/best-portable-travel-bidets
  
  Just bring "flushable" wipes not your plumbing 🤣

How do you not drip back onto it?
I have only used (and own) asian or japanese style ones and its a little jet that squirts at your puckered pink starfish, water drips back into the bowl
Do you use paper too?
Yes, I have a hairy butthole and have to pat dry
How is it okay for me to use the same one right after Typhoid Larry?
Like any other toilet seat? I don't know.
Doesn't poo go everywhere?
No, not for me, anyways.

Is the irresistible and sublime pleasure of touching your own feces and removing them with your finger from your anus
- i bidet every day and never touched my poop or anus

Doesn’t poo go everywhere?
Not sure what you mean, but might be a misunderstanding. It's not sucking water out of the bowl. It's spraying a jet of fresh water. Some will even warm it up for you. 😁😌
- Yeah ,ever pressure wash anything muddy? It gets everywhere
  
  That's a wide flat surface not a butt crack

Wipe first, rinse with the bidet, then wipe again so your ass isn't soaking wet. It's really not that complex. I have no idea how it would get infected with anything, it squirts water at a distance from your...stuff.

Most of the ones I’ve seen are attachments on toilets. So you do drip, but it’s into the toilet. I haven’t had any issues with stray poo even with no pre wiping. It all drops into the toilet also. It’s a jet of water from far away, so you’re not really in contact with it to infect it.

How easy is it to get your asshole into the stream? Does it spray your butt and you need to reposition?
- Yes, I need to move around a bit to hit the mark, and generally ensure full coverage. Not sure how much I'm over doing it, but it works for me. Totally feel like I'm slumming any time I'm forced to use a toilet without one, now.
- It's a focused stream. You can usually position them forward / back on the bidet, then you just wiggle until your butt is clean.
  Seriously the best thing ever. Get one.
- If the key is centered correctly (a 2 minute job) then you instinctively position yourself when you sit down.
  
  most instinctively position. This will vary by body size.

If someone was preparing food for you, would you be satisfied if you saw them go to the toilet and then just wipe their hands with a piece of paper instead of washing their hands?
- Tbf if I saw them just rinse with no soap I'd have similar questions.
  
  In countries where it's common to use bidets, they often use soap when using the bidet.
- This is where some cultures got their thing about not using the left hand to shake or eat food with. The assumption is everyone cleans their butt with the left hand. Little do they know I'm a righty.

When you touch something dirty, do you feel cleaner when you wipe your hands off with paper or when you wash them under a sink?
- That makes sense, but it’s the mechanics we’re asking about here. Like, how do you aim it? How do you dry off?
  
  Like, how do you aim it?
  The generic and basic ones you might have to sit in a slightly different position depending on where you sit, but the more expensive ones have an arm that you can move forward or backward to aim where you need it. I use it almost all the way forward, husband uses it most of the way back.
  How do you dry off?
  Ours has a fan - you can adjust how warm the air is and how hard it blows (I don't like it too warm because it feels like it burns my asshole). You use the fan to get as dry as you want to - a lot like the machines that dry your hands at public restrooms, actually. When you're done, you're either dry enough to pull up your pants and wash your hands, or you use a lot less tp to dry the last few droplets.
  
  It's fixed so you may have to move a little bit it's not a big deal. I drip dry for a minute or two and then dry off with toilet paper.

I use washcloth to dry off afterwards. I bought a cheap pack of like 50 on Amazon and keep them in a basket and wash them after each use, they definitely last the week or so between laundry loads. It may not be necessary since I think some people use the same towel several times but it’s not a big deal for me.

I was always confused about the usefulness of bidets because I was taught to wipe with wetted tp at least once while wiping.
- How do you wet the TP? 😭
  
  Most residential bathrooms I've been in have had sinks close enough to reach over. If it's not close I'll pre wet TP and set it somewhere within reach. If there's nowhere convenient to place it or it's a public washroom I just don't do wet.
  
  I'm assuming they do the squattle waddle to the sink

I've had this bidet over 8 years and it's still working great. You won't want to go back to anything less. https://a.co/d/bMXpotx

I can't speak for the specifics of how to use bidets, but in my experience the general idea is to use them to supplement your daily hygiene rather than as a replacement for toilet paper.
Where I come from (the Mediterranean), it's not customary to take a shower or a bath every single day. Personally, it's not possible because the frequent exposure to hot water dries out my skin and worsens my eczema. So the bidet is useful for keeping my private parts clean every day in absence of a full-body wash.
It's basically a mini bathtub for your crotch. You don't get into the shower every time you take a shit. Or do you?

I’d like to piggyback on this question and ask: if the bidet is in the toilet bowl, doesn’t it get dirty while you’re shitting?
- On mine, the piece that shoots water extends when in use and retracts out of the way when not.
- It is above the waterline near the back. It also has a guard that it retracts behind when it is not in use. After each use you turn a knob to the clean setting and it does an auto clean on the spray head. It is cleaner than the rest of the toilet.
  We've had a bidet for 6 years and would never go back. They are about $50 CAD, take about 15 minutes to DIY install and have very few parts to break.
  Well worth the money.
- It’s not directly under you

There's one thing I haven't read yet in the previous answers: after you s**t you still wipe your ass with toilet paper before using the bidet, and you do it pretty well too.
When you get to use the bidet, your butt is already pretty clean, but washing it with a bidet makes it entirely clean and feels really nice.
You use a towel right after using a bidet, which is why you see one hanging right by a bidet in most (if not all) bathrooms with a bidet. This prevents spraying water everywhere after you're clean.
Also, when you use it once, you learn how strong you want your water stream to be, not to wet the whole bathroom. You do the same the first time you wash your dishes (if your faucet shoots water too strongly, you wet the kitchen beyond the sink)
Also: those who use bidet go through a rigorous training to master its practice and transmit it's secrets orally to the next generation.
Bonus: Crocodile Dundee VS a bidet
- Nah I do bidet, toilet paper to dry, and done
- You're doing it wrong.
  
  I think they're talking about a bum-gun common in some SE Asian countries, maybe?
  
  You're talking to me or the guy above?
  Care to elaborate either way?

If it's that weird for you, you can also just try stepping into the shower to rinse and wash your bum; only downside is that you'd need to towel dry your legs as well.
Been doing this for years now.

If everyone had a bidet how much more fresh water would we waste ? We need to go to the seashells like in demolition man. Toilet paper and bidets waste resources, sea shells not so much.

I live in a country where bidets are commonplace. I do not like them. I just use paper.
- How dare you go against bidets! As an internet person that has never used one but yearns for the technological bliss of Japan I'm offended and you shall be downvoted by all other bidet-less but opinionated internet people!
  
  This is me!
  
  As a South East Asian, I prefer paper.