soak and jump hump

Not to kink shame but is this some sort of cuckold thing I'm too asexual to understand?
- Nah, you aren't supposed to have sex before marriage.
  They get around this by putting a penis in a vagina but not moving at all. Someone else jumps on the bed to cause the movement.
  
  They get around this by putting a penis in a vagina but not moving at all. Someone else jumps on the bed to cause the movement.
  But like does a significant amount of people actually do this?
  
  Mormon God: Damn, they got me.
  
  Are they fucking morons? Just use a horse riding machine
  
  Do they quantum teleport the dick? Because insertion... involves movement?
  
  Do Mormons not use the poophole loophole?
  
  ...they would still be moving around
- No, not really. The person is jumping on the bed to help them out with their weird little loophole, not because they're into watching other people fuck.

If ya gotta jump through these hilarious hoops to not feel bad about fucking, can we at least optimize?
Can't you just soak and un-soak repeatedly? Is there a skill cool down that has to be respected to not make sky grandpa mad?
- sky gramps is into all of this already
  
  https://youtu.be/S5XDtGq_zd0?si=I2e8R9Wx4BiS33QL
- Even with a cooldown, there's two people. Can at least hit a combo.
- There's a 5 minute cool down period between each soak, unless you purchase the atheist pack in the store, which cuts the cool down, but you run through stamina quickly.

Religion: God is all knowing, all seeing and wise.
Also religion: If you ask your friend to move you inside a vagina, god won't know you're fucking!
- God knows but you technically didn't break the rule
  
  Some real "I tied a string to my friend's house so it's technically one house and I didn't travel there on the Sabbath" energy
- Where are these friends that would "move you inside a vagina god"?! 😱🔥❤️
  
  Damn you!
- I mean, God will forgive all sins if you pray sorry after. I think They are pretty gullible.

Sounds like a threesome with extra steps

As my Mormon friend said, God is like a T Rex, it can't see you if you don't move
- 😂😂😂

Actual Ex-Mormon who attended BYU here: Soaking was never a thing, I have only ever heard about it on the internet or literally in the context of Mormons laughing about non-Mormons believing in Mormons doing such things (yeah, they're meta about it).
What is an actual thing is Mormons getting married super early (for a multitude of reasons, one being the horny). Easily over 70% of the students I knew were married by the time they were seniors in college.
- Sorry to break it to you but I also attented BYU and soaking was totally a thing, we just never invited you.
  
  Someone, call the police! This was an absolute murder!
  
  Good. Don't ever invite me.
- I can't confirm or deny your claims about soaking, because I never went to BYU.
  However, I did live in a smallish town in Utah for a year, and I can confirm I saw more married and pregnant 18 year old teens in that one year than I've seen in the entire rest of my life.
- So the jump hump is real?

What religion does to people.
- Somehow god is all-knowing, but forgot to consider the loopholes.
  
  To be fair, that's pretty close to describing the Jewish faith. One fundamental tenet is that God put loopholes there on purpose, and it's the rabbis' duty to debate legalistically to extrapolate what he meant based on what he said. That's why they're called laws. (I was raised jewish, for the record)
  One common one that most people have heard of by now since they went viral on youtube a couple years back, is eruvim. Since there's a bunch of rules around how much effort you're allowed to exert on the sabbath (e.g. you're not allowed to move anything from inside your house to outside, or to carry anything heavy more than about half a meter while outside), people hang a wire, called an eruv (plural eruvim), encircling an area ranging from a small neighbourhood to several city blocks to the entire island of Manhattan, proclaiming it to be one big "home", allowing practicing Jews to do anything they're only allowed to do at home, anywhere inside its area.
  Another fun one that has a lot of ramifications is that we're not supposed to "start a fire" on sabbath, and rabbi have traditionally declared that turning something electrical on or off is "starting a fire". Because of this, jewish hospitals have elevators that run constantly between floors so people can just walk on without actually pushing a button and causing a circuit to close. Or lightbulbs; for the longest time, the "solution" was just to leave your lights on all saturday in case you needed them, or maybe spring for electronic timers, or just get your goyim buddy to come over and turn em on for you, but with the modern prevalence of LED bulbs, there's now jewish smart lights called "shabulbs" that have internal shutters which cover the LEDs without actually extingishing them, so you can turn it back "on" again without breaking the rules. Some places even sell ovens with a shabbat mode so they stay slightly warm all day and never turn all the way off, don't show the display screen, and don't turn on their internal lightbulb when you open them after sundown on friday! All this because there's a rule against starting fires.
  Maybe I got a bit off topic, but my point is, In some ways you might say that finding loopholes in Abrahamic law is practicing religion lol
  
  didnt some religion have a concept where since they believe god infallible, any loophole in the rules must therefore be intended, possibly as a reward for the cleverness of finding it? I forget which one that was
  
  We call it the poophole loophole.

Just fuck already
- Every porn I have ever watched.
  
  Allow me to introduce you to a wonderful tool: the seek bar

Mormon - m = Moron
- Mormon - m = Oro
  
  Did you mean oron?
  
  Mormon - m + e = oreo
  
  Windows user detected.
  \ You're so ~~case~~-insensitive, ba-dum-tss.
  
  Oro+a-o= ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!!!!
  
  the remainder n needs to be accounted for
- Math ✔️'s out.
  
  Mormon - m = m (Moron - 1)
- Or... ormon... oron

Im intrigued. Is there any porn of this?
- The answer to that question is always yes.
  
  Well I've looked and couldn't find anything. So I'm going to say it doesn't exist.

Hahaha sometimes religious people are hilarious

I attended BYU-I in person for three years. There was a lot of dumb s### that happened there, but I can say with confidence this wasn't one of them. To not be a buzzkill though, I'll share an actual saying that people use around campus: "BYU I do." Because like 80-90% of students there expect to be married by the time they graduate.
- Thanks for the insight - jump humping and soaking sound like the kind of bullshit my parents would believe because it was featured in some local news story.
  Most "teen trends", especially those related to sex, are just wildly blown out of proportion "stories" based on a couple of people trying something weird, someone else hearing about it, and now suddenly all the teens are doing it.
  It reminds me of being in high school when my mom asked me if my girlfriend's jelly bracelets were a sex thing because she heard about girls owing sex acts to guys who can break one.
  
  I never heard of the jelly bracelet thing, but now I'm thinking about how that sort of thing can be way stronger than it looks.
  I have some TPU filament that's stretchy enough to feel flimsy, but after I realized I somehow couldn't snap it, it became kind of a strength challenge. The strongest guy I know couldn't snap it, and he bent a 36" pipe wrench once. But then again, there weren't sex acts on the line.
  
  It's a repression thing, they can't face having sexual fantasies of their own so their mind tricks them into thinking they're super interested in every news story about wild sex things - suddenly they're up all night imagining wild and perverted things that are probably happening, but not because they like thinking about those things they reassure themselves, they're a good moral person trying to protect civic morality...
  Read interviews with satanic panic people, endless vivid details right out of an extreme romance novel. Tiktok human trafficking panic is another example, those videos with obviously made up warnings about sex rings and kidnapping methods - it's all structured just like it's porn equivalents.
- Out of curiosity, did most of the people there actually follow the no sex rule? I know at some of the Christian colleges I've been to, there are lots of people who do have sex, they just have to be secretive enough about it. Of course, a good portion of kids at those colleges were just pressured to go there by their families, but aren't that religious themselves. 🤷
  I don't know any Mormons, so idk if it's remotely similar at a school like BYU.

brainrot

Wait, is this same logic why my fridge has a "Sabbath" setting? 🤦🏼‍♂️
- I was just thinking it's similar to how Jews try to trick god. At least I'm not the only one.
  
  There is a long rabbinic tradition of arguing with each other and god. Look up The Oven of Akhnai
- What does that even mean? Does the door open itself on the hour?
  
  It disables the ice/water dispenser, any ui elements and makes the light not turn on.
- What? Your fridge can jump on beds?
  
  And play Black Sabbath. Sweet.
  
  Honestly, I had to ask what that seeing was for. I was further confused by the answer. 🤪

I'm a Mormon, and this just can't be real. Sexual contact is sexual contact. How would people told to leave enough room for a Bible between them while dancing think that this would be okay?
I'm convinced this rumor exists just because people want it to be true.
- Tide pods
- I can't speak for this particular practice, or for Mormons, but things like the poophole loophole and the clapper are definitely nonsense tricks to try and get one past an omniscient creator - to an outsider (in my case, one that lived in Provo for a short stint), it's plausible.

There is a hilarious mockumentary called "Jury Duty (2023) where there is a scene like this.
Worth a watch, James Marsden is in the show as well.
Edit: Here's a link to the scene
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaTRKXtfv8Y
- Soaking seems like a particularly egregious loophole.

Reminds me of some Muslim girls that only do anal so they stay a virgin.
- Omg That's disgusting! Where?
- It's definitely not just Muslims.

The sex that god can't see
- How did those girls keep a straight face that entire time

It’s not actually a real thing. Maybe a couple (throuple?) horny Mormons did it, but its not like standard practice.

Is this real? I know mormans are an extremely insane sect of an already extremely insane way of life, but this just seems like a whole new level.
- Exmo here, I highly doubt it. There are rules against lesser forms of intamacy (petting), also this clearly violates the spirit of the law (of no premerital sex).
  I could see it happening but any Mormon worth their salt would raise their eyebrow and deny it. This is on the level of holding a knife in the middle of a street and getting somebody to bump people into you, it's not murder, right?
  If you wanna talk crazy let's talk about how you can figure out somebody's secret name if you know the first time they went through temple endowment. Or how bigfoot is technically canon.
  
  ... I would like to hear more about this secret name...
- It's real. How widespread it is, that's the question. Anecdotally I personally know of three real life instances of this, and several alleged.
- It's just another version of oral/anal doesn't count.

This. This is why the horny bat exists. To keep people from doing this.
- when I read this, my first thought was about the Sonic character.
  I'm going to choose to continue believing that is what you were talking about.